Fan Fiction Friday: Princess Leia in "Star Wars Sex Story"

By Rob Bricken in Movies, Nerdery
Friday, November 5, 2010 at 2:12 pm
star-wars-jabba-the-hutt_l.jpg
When we last featured Princess Leia in FFF, she was having sex with Optimus Prime with the help of Jar Jar Binks' severed, carbonite-frozen penis for the entertainment of Jabba the Hutt. This, ladies and gentlemen, is what we call "the Expanded Universe." So let's take another look at Leia's adventures on Tatooine, but in-canon this time, in a story called "Star Wars Sex Story: Return of the Cum-I." Now, normally this is the part where I post the first terrifying few lines of the story, but I'd much prefer to post the introduction from author Ornery. Not a character has been changed, I swear:
Word from the Author : Because of the lack of perverted sexual fantasies from the Star Wars universe I wanted to help fill that void (no pun attended) for the people who REALLY need to seek professional help if a SCI-FI story is a sexual outlet As you can see from the file discription, I am attempting to do anything and everything imaginable, hence (etc,etc) execpt pedo(childsex) stuff. Also there are no "child" characters in this universe, unless we do a flashback to our characters as kids and the evil Darth Vader... Hey, NOT HERE! Ever notice how people seem to like evil sex stories about their favorite fictional characters? I'm sure a lot of us have seen the various Batgirl series, WonderWoman, PowerRangers(Not enough, I hate'im), StarTrek, Sailormoon and even the Smurfs (die die die) how-about "barNy the child molesting Dino"?? I guess its because we wanna see'em in a different light. As degrading as these stories are, mine is no different, I SERIOUSLY, DO NOT support Rape, Torture & death of women and children. (For men, who cares as we tend to fuck up everything else) Nothing wrong with nice rough sex with a lover as well as sensual "normal" sex of course. S&M/torture is NOT my forte, I'll do the best I can with what I know. In the following chapters, it'll get worse for our "heroes". This story is made to be gross (duh) and some people may HATE it and think I'm a sicko. Well my fellow human, I've meant three women in my life that are INTO shit like this, have told me of such fantasies and shit I consider down right fucking nasty. Hmmm... they also turned me on too... somewhat. These series have no barring to the original Star Wars stories created by George Lucas. Please thank him for making SCI-FI what it is today! This is of course an unauthorized sexual parody and so what? The characters are fictional (no shit?) and any resemblance of real people is by accident. Hey, If a Real Darth Vader came into your house, would you care about being sued?

Also these stories are inspired by a long (semi-Sex) hilarious story of Luke, R2, & the drunken master Yoda... unknown Author. And some guys on A.S.S. newsgroup whose been looking for such stories the past few months. There maybe future stories if there is demand and I'm not dead. I'll let my friends give me a response. I still don't have a PC and my only access is with a BBS that I've been going to for years. (remember those?)

Due to the severe limitations of the worlds most popular LAME Operating System, the series file names will be limited to 8 characters. What idiot thought 8 characters was enough to work with? I guess the same asshole who said "640K is plenty" and "who needs multitasking? Graphics & Audio are for Game systems". And look what we have today? A half-baked Win95 with the same problems since the 1980s! And I have 2 of these machines too, since I have to be compatible!

Oh well, THE games NOW rule on these things! SWX6-1-1.txt means StarWorsX(adult) -6 (chapter according to SW movie) -1 (First story) -1 (chapter One of *MY* story) For those who don't know; StarWars=4, Empire Strikes Back=5, Return Jedi=6. On my real computer, the file name is "DV-StarWors_1.1-M6.text".

Our first story will be 6-1-1... Why? Gee, when you were young teenager, weren't you hoping to see Princess Leia's Sex Slave outfit burst apart (I bet it did on a Blooper Reel) and used the SLOW-MO on the remote to see what you could see?? Not saying that I did of course! Well, I DIDN'T!!! REALLY!! Anyway, I RECOMMEND you stop here, grab your tape of Return of the Jedi and watch the beginning at least. I haven't watched my laser disc of Jedi in long time myself (Letterbox is the only way to enjoy movies) so I had to review it and the others to get my "facts" straight. But I got in the mood to watch all 3 back to back... so you may wanna do the same. But Jedi is most important at this time, so you can get a good look at everything and everyone, how my story fits into what's on the actual film, until I "change history" of course. Leia really LOOKS a bit embarrassed when Luke shows up in the movie. She's been a bad bad girl. So watch or BUY the Star Wars Laser discs or *GAG* VHS tapes, I DID watch'im 2+ times, all three when writing this. So if you're rusty on your SW, you'll need to review, but hey- they're always a BLAST to watch... always. Say no more...
Whether this story is from the ancient days of the internet, or the author is so fucking insane that he's still recommending watching Star Wars on Laserdisc, I do not know. I'm going to assume the former, because I don't think even ComicsNix is crazy enough to have a laserdisc player. Let us begin!


Oh. I should admit that I found this story in one giagantic block of text. I added the paragraph breaks so it would be vaguely readable. FYI.
Once Upon a Time... On the screen of your monitor, Stupid...! (Insert Theme Music Here)
Oh god, this one's going to hurt.
STAR WORS RETURN OF THE CUM-I EPISODE 6 - STORY 1 - PART 1

ITS A SAD TIME FOR THE UNIVERSE, SOME BEING HAS MADE THE REBELS PAY FOR THEIR REBELLIOUS WAYS. THEY WERE HAVING TOO MUCH FUN, AND IT HAD TO BE STOPPED... LUKE HAS DISCOVERED HIS FATHER TO BE THE ONE WHO TORTURED LEIA MANY YEARS AGO, AND WISH HE WAS THERE TO ENJOY IT, BUT ALAS THE BASTARD CUT HIS HAND OFF, FOILING THE RESCUE OF HIS FRIEND, HAN SOLO...
what
EVERYTHING IN THE UNIVERSE IS THE SAME IN THIS PARTICULAR STORY, IN THAT EVERYTHING YOU KNOW IS AS IT ONCE WAS BEFORE UNTIL THE DEVIATION OF WAS SUPPOSED TO BE WAS NO LONGER ANY MORE FROM NOW ON AT THIS POINT...
what
POOR HAN SOLO WAS CAPTURED BY JABBA THE HUT (slug version) AND HIS YOUNG, HOT, HORNY FRIENDS HAVE ATTEMPTED TO SAVE HIM... AS IN THE PG STORY, R2 & C3-PO ARE NOW THE PROPERTY OF THE MIGHTY HARD JABBA THE HUTT. HAN SOLO HAS WOKEN UP IN A WORST POSITION, BUT IS NOW WITH HIS FAVORITE LIVING BED, CHEWBACCA.
"Mighty hard Jabba"?
BUT OUR HEROIN, PRINCESS LEIA WILL BE FILLING A NEW OPENING FORMED BY JABBA THE HUTT WHEN HE TERMINATED HIS LAST PERSONAL GREEN SEX SLAVE. BUT SHE AS A BITCH ANYWAY...  (words scroll off the top of the screen *use your imagination*)
No! I refuse to use my imagination! Your horrible opening scroll is useless against me!
We pan down to the desert planet and see the big Fortress against starry night... we fade to the dark and musky interior as our story unfolds... Leia is horrified and close to vomiting... The sticky warm shit on her face that Jabba licked on her stunk of rubber frogs and other dead things. The Pig guards have been leading her down the dark passage ways for 10 minutes and the grey-ish shit isn't drying, but becoming more watery and leaking down into her shirt, between her breasts. This is gross! Leia thinking angrily.
If you were instantly irked that the author called them "Pig-guards" instead of Gamorrean Guards, congratulations, you're a huge fucking nerd.
Jabba's stupid evil laugh is still echoing in her head as she thought about Luke's plan to Save Han. It was one of the few arguments she ever had with her hero, friend and sometimes a quick screw horny prick. She wanted to storm Jabba's palace with a few squads of Rebel troops and a some fighters... since coming into this place, its defenses wouldn't have survived such a professional Rebel attack and being that Tatooine is such a dry rock in middle of nowhere, the Empire wouldn't notice. But Noooooo...!! Luke said "we shouldn't bring the rebellion into a personal matter, its wrong to use our powers in such a way!"
Admittedly, Leia is correct; Luke's plan to rescue Han was incredibly fucked up, as has been discussed.
Her train of thought is broken as the left guard ripped her sleeve off trying to get her to walk faster as they walk through the hallway with locked doors on all sides and other workers shoving lumps of "food" through slots under the doors. She hears their cries for help and freedom from various female creatures... many human-like and she can see hands reaching out.

Well, in a few hours, Luke should figure out that rescue plan A is not working quite well and "will come to save the day." Kinda stupid... Such a complex "rescue", sending the droids in first, timing could screw up everything and get them all killed... what good would that do the rebellion? She laughed at herself, it would be quite funny for them to lose their lives to a bunch of third-rate bandits, while Darth "I have no dick" Vader and the all powerful evil Emperor with all their resources, not to mention the butt-ugly space worm that almost ate them, couldn't do! Leia actually laughed a bit with this thought.
"Yes, your honor, it's true, this Sith Lord has no dick."
She quickly stopped, but smiled. Also such behavior may cause these creeps to think there's more to this little bitch and her friends to make them nervous. I bet Luke just wants to show off his new Jedi powers and be the hero again she thought angrily. He only busted his ass and lost his hand, not his little dick... so what's the big deal?! But Luke is still an immature kid, even though he's pretty much her age, wanting to be the guy who wins everytime and be the talk at meetings, parties and other functions throughout the entire rebel fleet. Shit, Lando may already be dead as far as they know...
That's actually an interesting reassessment of Luke. We all think Luke has matured at the beginning of Jedi, but he still makes some crazy rash decisions throughout. Is he still learning? Is he still a bit of the kid from A New Hope? Try and remember this thoughtful critique when Leia is blowing aliens in a minute.
Leia is shoved in the back as they step into a large room with various creatures and guards. The room is full of junk & rags but mostly armour and clothing "I have a bad feeling..." she let out quietly. Han, You idiot! You could have just Transferred the money you owe Jabba into a credit account. Nobody said you had to give it to him personally. What the hell did he do with the 30 thousand credits they gave him after they escaped to Yavin?? Four years of running across space, when it would have taken a day or two to pay back the stupid slug! When they get out of this shit, she won't be sleeping with Han anytime too soon!
I also like the idea that Han was just too lazy to hit up a space bank in-between Star Wars and Jedi.
Her head is jolted to the side suddenly with a bam! An green-bug eyed creature (Greedo species) yells at her "gwe jeje gagi!" "Ah...? I don't understand you!" Being a Princess means she didn't spend time learning to speak the language of lower-class life-forms. A human guard in the room hears this and comes up to them. "This is Peedo, he's in charge of this supply & stock section. And you are to strip off that battlegear soon. Or we'll have to set it on fire with you still in it."
Peedo?! Like Greedo, but with "pee"? And a homonym for "pedo," the shortened version of "pedophile!" Ah, Ornery, you are a rare wit!
She see her awaiting escort started to look a bit pissed. The human guard un-hooks her life-support/comm pack and armour and throws it with the rest of other such armour/hardware. She quickly takes off the rest of her cloth battle gear & boots herself, which is quickly taken away. Leaving her in a white latest-tech desert-wetsuit, which is very skin tight around her body. It even hugs the bottom of her breasts, showing the outline of her nipples.
Fun Time! Can you count how many oxymorons are in the phrase "latest-tech desert-wetsuit"?
Peedo yells again. And the nice translator says "everything bitch! You're Jabba's Slave of the Week!" "I won't stand for this, I'm Princess Leia of-ufh!" The left Pig guard punches Leia in the stomach with a fist, quite hard. "You're not standing at all, Princess-who gives a shit!"
FFF Band Name #684: Princess Who-Gives-a-Shit. Doesn't have to be an all-girl band, but should probably at least have a female lead singer.
He grabs her by the neck and pulls her face to his, while using the other to squeeze hard on her small, but nicely shaped right tit. She can't scream in pain has her ability to push air out of her lungs has been halted... Then he grips the breast tighter as he grabs hold of the fabric, ripping it of her chest... short of taking the tit with. He lets her scream this time.

The guards laugh at this display and Peedo tells the human, Framer something. "No, I won't be screwing you... I wish I could, but Jabba likes his personal sex slaves, Fresh... before they expire" He rips the crotch out exposing her small black patch of pubic hair and her small waist. He then pulls up on the rest of her desert suit, exposing her most private parts to everyone. Only her arms, shoulders, legs and parts of her back are covered with the ruined hi-tech suit, which still clings to her body, now getting warm from nerves, sweat and system failure of the suit due to damage.
WHAT THE FUCK IS THE DEAL WITH THIS SUIT
Framer still has his throat grip when he suddenly thrusts two fingers into her pussy. Leia does a full body blush from such raw exposure and body contact in front of so many people. "Please... stop!" as she tries using both hands to get him to release her neck. He sticks in another into her cunt as they start burning her insides from the lack of lubrication, she was simply not being turned-on the this creep.
I can't imagine why.
Framer wishes he could fuck this hot little 5ft body with the small waist, and overall a nicely shaped body, a tad short for his tastes. But that really doesn't matter since she belongs to his rather large boss.

She stares back at his face again, strong with authority. Like his fingers jammed up her cunt means nothing to her. That she will quickly take his life out soon, but that he just doesn't know it yet. "Yeah, right" she thought. Her tits were so nice now, her cunt very tight to his fingers. Yeah, looks like she's an anal bitch that's used to screwing, only when she ALLOWS it.
One of those stuck-up bitches who dislike being raped, I guess! Bitches, man.
"haha" he laughs at her, she's about 95 lb. if not much more. She'll be all over the place when Jabba starts pulling and swinging her around on chains, her hair or whatever the fuck he wants... this will be fun to watch.

"Then don't give me any more shit! I said I won't screw you now or ever... just getting a feel. After Jabba is done with you, no human will want to stick anything into your body again... much less a few fingers!" Leia starts having visions of what Framer could be talking about...
No one wants Jabba's sloppy seconds, understandably.
She doesn't know much about the strange slug species like Jabba. "Luke..." you better get here soon, she thought to herself. "Luke is your boyfriend or something? For his sake, you better hope he doesn't find you here." Framer commented as he released her, letting body her drop to the ground.
For the record, yes, a character did just respond in dialogue to a thought another character voiced only in her head.
Gasping for more air into her burning lungs. As she sits up recovering, Leia looks up and sees that Framer has removed his cockpiece. Inches from her nose, his penis was staring down at her. "I never...!" she yells. Framer grabs her by an ear and jams his boot into her clit. She yelps.
FFF Band Name #686, Metal Version: Cockpiece
"I bet you do all the time! Those lips of yours where made for cocksucking!" Tears of pain sneak out as he continues to pull hard on her hair while squeezing her ear into another direction. "And if you decided to bite, we'll cut off your wookie's cock off and make you eat it raw in from of everyone! Do you understand?!" Leia nods.

He leaves his foot between her legs and pulls her mouth to his limp dick and rubs it on her nose. "Your shitty attitude is keeping it asleep, if you don't wake it up soon, I'll piss down your throat instead."
The idea of some rubbing his dick over a girl's nose has absolutely blown my mind. I thought I knew my fetishes, but this... this is new and unsettlingto me.
Having never tried urine as a form of beverage, besides not liking the smell of body waste that's always in bathrooms all over the galaxy, Leia definitely did not want to have such vial put into her body.
She's obviously never talked to Sakura and Karin, then.
Princess Leia angrily opens her lips and pulls his cock into her mouth, then pulls out, rubbing the bottom with her tongue till the head remains allowing her to massage it a bit. She feels it get a bit hard and she swallows it back in, making it harder still. The harder and longer it gets, the more difficult it makes her to suck as her short size keeps her head a bit too low, not as if Framer gave a shit.

As she pumps her head in & out on his dick, Framer grabs Leia's ear lobes... using them as "love handles" causing Leia to wince while she blows. Peedo comes up to the action with a small case and blabbers a bit. Framer complies and stretches Leia's earlobes away from her head, cause her to top moving and scream around Framer's cock.
So this guy has: 1) rubbed his dick on Leia's nose and 2) is now pulling her ears as she blows him. Is anyone else totally boggled here? I'm not even disgusted, I'm just confused.
"Don't move." as he stops pumping her mouth. She feels something bite her ear painfully, she realizes she's been stabbed! She feels blood running down her left side of the neck as the cold metal pin continued to push out the other side of her ear.

"They're mutilating me!" she screams in her mind. She sees Peedo's stucker- fingered hand go to her newly pierced ear with a small gold ring and feel its cold surface go through her newly made hole. She feels the same thing again on her other delicate ear, as blood gushes onto her other shoulder. She starts to faint, when Framer slaps her face to keep her attention on her job.
Blow a Dude, Get Free Ear Piercings This Weekend Only at Claire's Boutique
The female ears on her species are very sensitive, and so none of the women care to spend months waiting for the pain to go away, if an infections doesn't warrant amputation. For many races, earing are regarded as important jewelry, but her race wears fake ones that still tend to hurt on special occasions.
Now he's got an earring fetish, too? Do earring fetishes even exist? Seriously, this is so bizarre and it's freaking me out
Framer grabs both shoulders of her suit and rips them up, off her arms causing the back to fall to her ass from the lack of support. She feels the other ring slide into its new home in her ear, slowing down the blood flow. But still her neck and shoulders have red streaks of blood.

Which was the least of her worries as the severe pain in her ears spread through her skull and across her collar bones fading across her chest. The pain was causing her nipples to get a bit sensitive as well, but not of pleasure and Framer did notice as his pants burn across them.
His pants burned across her nipples? Are they fire pants? WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON HERE
Leia's eye- sight is blurred from the pain, her mind keeps wanting to shut down, but instead the room feels like its spinning, her will is strong.

The site of the blood finally makes Framers's climax as he shoots seamen into her mouth.
scanners-headexplode.jpg
Please try to get the image of thousands of tiny sailors shooting out of an alien dick down Leia's throat out of your head. YOU CAN'T. YOU'LL NEVER BE ABLE TO.
Its more than what Leia can hold as it dribbles out between her lips around his cock as he hump her face even harder! Hurting her nose against his public base making breathing more difficult.
"Men overboard!"
After his spasms are finished, he pulls out his Leia-cleaned cock and puts it back home. Leia is shocked! She's never been sexually abused before by any of her enemies! She coughs hard, trying to get his white cum out of her mouth. Framer laughs at this... "as long as it didn't killer her" as her upper body turns a little pink from the reaction of the earrings. She rests her face in her hands, unmoving, relaxing for several minutes as her skin returns to its normal soft white color.

"Shit happens." Framer says, walking off.
Wise words from the nose/ear/earring fetish/alien who shoots sailors out of his cock.
Another species of alien steps in front of her. He wants his human blowjob too as he's heard stories of them being quite good. His pale white skin, tiny extended mouth salivating with expectations as his 3 pure black eyes stare at Leia. He brings out his three small cocks, already hard for action. Leia screams in disgust! As a hand shoves her face on to the thing's sexual organs. All three push past her wet lips, making her cringe from the awful taste. It purrrs in delight from the stimulation of her wet hot mouth.
Is the alien purring, or are the dicks? Whatever.
All of Leia's previous sexual partners have been humans (or what YOU would consider human to the people of the Earth, in a galaxy far far away and a time before humans knew they were on a planet!) and only 4 men in her life.
I've read this sentence maybe 100 times and I still don't have the faintest clue what it means.
She grabs the creatures legs for support, trying not to go down any farther. Trime's dicks get a bit longer in Leia's mouth, going all the way in the back as well as filling up a lot of space.
"Trime"? "Tri as in three, like his dicks, and perhaps a bit of wordplay based on "Try me"? Oh, Ornery, Dickens would be impressed. And disgusted. Mostly disgusted. Let's continue this after the jump, shall we?

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