The GoBots get a bad rap. Sure, their toy line lacked the variety and complexity of the Transformers, and their cartoon was generally a lot sillier than even the most ridiculous TF
episode (we won't even mention the infamous sex tape
), but they were simple, straightforward, affordable and had some of the most entertainingly awful names in the history of robots. While Hasbro tended to go with a lot of simple nouns and verbs for the Transformers (which would later defy any attempts at trademarking them), Tonka's crack naming team came up with enough bizarre spellings and obscure puns to choke a Rock Lord. Some of them were straightforward (Tank), some were clever (Fly Trap, the garbage truck), and some were just plain bad-ass (Cy-Kill), but a lot of them just make us shake our heads in disbelief. If anyone who worked on the line has any funny stories to share, please leave them in the comments.20) Crain Brain
The name leads us to believe that Crain Brain had cranes on the brain, but didn't he have them everywhere else on his body, as well, since he actually turned into one? In fact, we'd question their presence on his brain at all, given the completely unnecessary misspelling.
We get it, it sounds like "handcuff," and he's a police car. Still, giving a heroic law-enforcement vehicle a Germanic name confuses us. Was he from Gobotron by way of Dusseldorf?
18) Good Knight
Aside from the obscure connection to the car model it's based on, the Excalibur, we have no objections to the idea of this heroic Defender being either good or knightly. But when you put it together, it sounds like he's going to sleep. You might as well call him "Snoozer."
We may very well be missing some reasoning behind this forklift being named "Spoons" and not "Forks," but for now we'll just assume the product manager was trying to be clever. Maybe it's a reverse nickname?
Another codename that implies sleepiness. Even SisQo would have trouble understanding how this spelling is superior to "Rescue" in any way, shape or form.
15) Screw Head
All right, you primitive screwheads, listen up! ...Did the Renegades get to choose their codenames at all, or did they just accept the names Cy-Kill came up with off the top of his head, out of fear he might cy-kill them?
Granted, this Rolls-Royce GoBot is wearing a top hat, and that is totally awesome, but he's not exactly wearing a tuxedo, is he? Seems like false advertising. And even if he's conveniently known for wearing tuxedos back on Gobotron, it's not exactly a wardrobe choice that strikes fear into the hearts of his enemies.
All of the Puzzler combiners have really unfortunate puzzle-oriented code-names -- Zig Zag? Tic Tac? Rube? Pocket? -- but it's Crossword we can't get over. His codename is an innocuous hobby, making him the Will Shortz of the Renegades. At least if he'd been called "Sudoku" he could have passed for a ninja.
12) Dive Dive
We'll assume Tonka was trying to capture all the drama of a submarine captain shouting "DIVE! DIVE!" to his crew. But without the pause and intensity that come with punctuation, it just sounds like baby talk. "Diddums make a dive-dive?"
Was it copyrightability or lawsuit avoidance that led this toy -- which clearly transforms into a Jeep -- to be given a soft "G"? The world may never know.