14 Reasons Why Batman's My Dream Man

By Jill Pantozzi in Comics, Daily Lists
Thursday, December 2, 2010 at 8:05 am
7) You Get Matches Malone, Too
When in need of certain information from the criminal underworld, Bruce puts on the guise of Matches Malone. And he's really good at it. When in need of spicing things up you can get him to don the sunglasses, mustache and New Jersey accent in the bedroom. So when going out with Bruce you actually get a three for one deal. Bruce, Batman and Matches.

6) The Perks
Batman can always be counted on for flowers and/or jewelry the morning after he has to disappear (or rather, Alfred can be counted on for procuring them.) Even if it means you're not going to see him for a year because he's going for a Thogal ritual in Nanda Parbat. Think about it, a year alone in a cave makes a man hungry. For weeks worth of sex, that is.

5) He's Got a Great Car
"It's the car, right? Chicks love the car." Granted, this could have fallen under Perks but come on, the Batmobile is in a league of its own. I'm a big fan of muscle cars and the Batmobile is the ultimate muscle car. It's got an engine that's more powerful than turbine jet engines for goodness sake. And now it can fly! There's just one downside, with all the gadgets Batman's got packed in there, there's no room for reclining seats.

4) You Never Need to Have Sex in the Same Room Twice
Ahh, Stately Wayne Manor. I don't think we've ever been given an exact count to how many rooms it houses but obviously it's a lot. And there's nothing like spicing up the sex life by changing locations from your boring old bedroom. Not only do you have the manor itself, you've got the grounds and the Batcave.

3) Threesomes with the Villainesses of Your Choice
Let's face it, pretty much every female villain who has gone up against Batman has shown some attraction for him one time or another. Catwoman, Poison Ivy, Harley Quinn and Talia al Ghul just to name a few. Sure, they may try to kill you afterwards because they want him all to themselves but it's totally worth it, don't you think? Though I wouldn't rule out a threesome with Tommy Elliot either. He may be just as obsessed with Bruce as I am. He could be hiding some latent romantic feelings for his old playmate.

2) Lazarus Pit Access
You know, just in case you get murdered by a villain.

1) He's Always Prepared for Anything
The Boy Scouts' motto is "Be Prepared," and while Superman holds the nickname of the Big Blue Boy Scout, it's Batman who's prepared for every eventuality (including taking down Superman). That means safe sex, and that's always sexy. Among other things in his utility belt he's got bat rope and bat cuffs, both of which come in very handy in the bedroom. What more could you ask for?

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