10 Ridiculous Life-Sized Role-Play Toys

By Adrian Beiting in Daily Lists, Toys
Tuesday, March 1, 2011 at 8:05 am
5) Superman Returns Shield Blaster.jpg
Generally, role-play toys are an irresistible part of many toylines, both for nerds and for kids. When done the right way, these weapons and accessories enhance one's ability to feel like the protagonist (or villain) of the movie/cartoon/whatever, and get lost in another universe. Plus, they typically add a bit of variety to toylines that would otherwise solely include action figures, vehicles and playsets. Role-play toys are fun, but more than that, they're cool. Think about it -- Star Wars figures are nice and fun to play with, but what we'd all really like to have is our own lightsaber.

Of course, as with most things, there are two sides to this particular coin; while certain toylines feature some excellent recreations of the gear their characters wield in their respective franchises (or gear reasonably inspired by said franchises), other toylines include role-play items that were hopelessly botched from the start and/or based on nothing more than a naked cash-grab. Here then, for your consideration, are 10 such cases where toymakers tossed canon -- and common sense -- out the window in pursuit of the easy buck.

10) TMNT Raphael's Spy Goggles
10) TMNT Raphael's Spy Goggles.jpg
As any TMNT fan will tell ya, Raphael isn't the first turtle who comes to mind when the words "stealth" and "spying" are mentioned. Chances are he'd rather jump into the fray and start beating dudes up instead of skulking around in the shadows and carefully plotting out the next move like some master tactician. So why the toy gods (or Donatello) thought he'd be the best fit for a pair of spy goggles is really beyond us. That, and we're not terribly sure how helpful these goggles would be on an actual mission as they look better suited for a Nickelodeon game show than detecting the minions of the Shredhead. Maybe we're just jealous, because frankly they're still kind of awesome in their own terrible way.

9) Spider-Man 3 Bug Vacuum
9) Spider-Man 3 Bug Vacuum.jpg
During Spider-Man 3, Spidey had his hands full fighting off the combined efforts of Venom, Sandman and James Franco while simultaneously attempting to balance out the drama unfolding in his personal and professional life. Somewhere in all of that downtime, he apparently also had a chance to craft a custom tool for vacuuming up bugs. Why would Spider-man have this? Does he hope to quit superheroics one day to become an entomologist? Does he secretly enjoy eating flies, and wants a quick way to collect them? Or is he hoping to find another radioactive bug to get more powers from? Don't be greedy, Parker.

8) X-Men Magneto Kidsize Helmet and Disk-Shooting Glove
8) X-Men Magneto Kidsize Helmet and Sisk-Shooting Glove.jpg
If Magneto were named Magdisko, and his mutant ability involved shooting disks from a robotic glove worn on only his right hand, this would be a pretty rad toy. As it stands, it couldn't really have less to do with the Master of Magnetism. While we concede that it would be difficult for a plaything to capture Magneto's god-like power, there had to be something that conveyed it more accurately than a wrist-mounted disk shooter for the X-Men's chief adversary.

7) Iron Man 2 Iron Strike Nerf Blaster
7) Iron Man 2 Iron Strike Nerf Blaster.jpg
At different points in the Iron Man flicks, the suits of Tony Stark's shiny alter ego demonstrate their in-house ability to handle essentially any situation where a projectile could be useful. So naturally, the one role-play accessory Iron Man 2 doesn't need is a gun. His guns are built into his armor. He's wearing guns. Many of them. Yes, Nerf is generally awesome, but think how awesome this thing might be if it made any sense at all.

6) Power Rangers 2010 Deluxe Dragon Dagger
6) MMPR 2010 Deluxe Dragon Dagger.jpg
We've talked about this one before, but it bears repeating: no one wanted a Dragon Dagger with a protrudable lightsaber knock-off hidden in its hilt. Nor did anyone ask for one that didn't play the correct tune from the show. But of course, that's exactly what we got when this mess was released in the ill-fated nostalgia preying cash grab known as the MMPR 2010 toyline. Hear that? It's the cold, distant echo of countless childhood memories shattering.
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