Fan Fiction Friday: Princess Peach and Yoshi in "Yoshi and Peach's Night In"

By Rob Bricken in Nerdery, Video Games
Friday, March 25, 2011 at 3:15 pm
Yoshi---Peach.jpg
Today's story was written by jrejinald and suggested by Tej Jager. Obviously any FFF that runs after a ComicsNix epic is a bit of a let down, but hopefully this masterpiece of poor writing, unerotic eroticism and outright stupidity should be a pleasant aperitif, something to cleanse the FFF palette. So to speak.

'Yoshi? Is that you?'

'Who is this?'

'It's Peach!'

'Oh snap, I thought you were in another castle?'

'No, I'm fine, I just need to unwind.'

Despite this format so far, I assume you this isn't the world's first erotic fictional IM conversation.

'Okaaaay' Yoshi looked a bit weirded out.

'And Mario just doesn't give me that sort of "attention"'

'So you wanna do a dinosaur?' He was slightly scared now but secret hoping the answer was yes.

What's he scared of? A reprisal from Mario? Having sex with royalty? Peach's willingness to fuck outside her species? Human vaginas? Some combination of the above?

'Yep'

'Well I'd have to say I'm a dinosaur then.'

'And that's why you're here.' Peach said while slipping out of her dress.

THAT LOGIC IS FOOLPROOF. Hit the jump to enter into the warp pipe to Page 2-2.



I would to point out that I haven't edited a letter of this story. So what you're reading is the absolute entirety of this little sexcapade.
"Oh your big breasts, with little pink nipples' Yoshi said poking his tongue out and rubbing one. 'Careful they're sensitoooooooohhhhhhhhhhh' Peach didn't get to finish her sentence because of Yoshi's tongue. Whoops, slip of the tongue but it's ok, I have absolute mastery over my tongue, and I'll be gentle.' Yoshi said and then went back to circling the nipple with his long tongue form the other end of the room. 'Mmm, that's so good Yoshi.' Peach said closing her eyes. 'Your beautiful blonde hair is so gorgeous.'
Either the writer is unaware of the basic rules of attributing dialogue or Yoshi is wearing a blond wig. Maybe both.

'Thanks.' Peach smiled, her dino companion was so sweet sometimes. 'My dinosaur dick is so hard.' He continued. That was a strange way to follow up but oh well.

What ya gonna do? You're fucking a dinosaur. You gotta be open to these kinds of non-sequiters.

She opened her eyes to see Yoshi's 10 inch member. 'And long!' Peach said in surprise. 'Really? Among the Yoshi community I'm considered short.'

"Seriously, I came in last at the Dino Dick Measuring Party we had last week. It was pretty embarrassing."

Peach almost fainted at that thought, especially with her knowing about some types of Yoshi having a habit of spontaneous acts of fornication.

LADIES, BEWARE: YOU COULD BE FUCKED BY A YOSHI AT ANY TIME

'I wanna eat you out Peach' Yoshi confessed.

'Pardon?' Peach said, coming back down from the clouds.

Yes, Peach was lost in the pleasure of imagining all that big-dicked, utterly random Yoshi rape that's apparently taking place right off-screen of all the Mario games.

'For a long time I've wanted to go down between your legs and work my tongue magic on your pussy.' Yoshi half mumbled. Peach pretended to think for a while, then spread her legs. 'I want to feel that' She said smiling. Yoshi licked the inside of one thigh then the other, smelling sweet secant of Peach's pussy and then put his tongue on her clit and slowly licked up and down gently. 'Can you taste the peaches?' The princess asked.

'I can, it's delicious' and he could, he now why she was called Peach, a secret not many knew.

...other than her parents, who named her. Apparently because her diapers always smelled like shit-covered peaches. And wait, does this mean Daisy's vagina tastes like daisies? Who figured that one out? I have to imagine the people who 1) have given Daisy oral sex and 2) eaten enough daisies to recognize the taste is a pretty small group.

He proceeded to play around a bit, teasing her entrance by prodding it with the bulbous part of his tongue. 'Put your tongue in me Yoshi, let's see if it really is magic.' Peach said seductively but also hesitantly.

So Yoshi's tongue pulled a dove out of her vagina.

Yoshi detected this and relaxed a bit. 'At least she isn't sure about this either' He thought just before he plunged his tongue inside her, forcing the whole thing in in one go.

"At least both Peach and I recognize what we're doing is an affront to man, god and dinosaurs," though Yoshi. "Oh well, her womb's not going to lick itself!"

Peach arched her spine. Yoshi went to pull the tongue out. 'No, don't.' Peach yelled, 'I just didn't expect it to go in so fast'

'Ok.' Yoshi tried to say, but this came out strange because his tongue was elsewhere, sliding slowly in deep and back.

'Oooohhhhh, faster!' Peach exclaimed. Yoshi obeyed speeding up gradually feeling every inch inside of Peach. 'Mmmmmmmm' Yoshi said, which sounded like you taste so good.

Wow. It's rare even in FFF that you get a sentence that proves itself false so completely, so quickly. I'm actually kind of impressed. And angry.

Peach grabbed her breasts and caressed them. 'I'm cumming!' she yelled. Yoshi didn't make any attempt to move so she came in his mouth spurting out heaps of vaginal juice all over him and in his mouth.

Okay, erotic fan fic writers, listen up. Remember the time when I told you about how guys can't actually fuck a womb? It's time for another lesson about what actually happens when real people have sex. Specifically, females rarely ejaculate. I know, I know, you jerk off and shit comes out, and you've never had sex, so you just assume things come out of vaginas when girls orgasm, too. But it's not true -- at least not as a rule. It's kind of rare, actually, despite the plethora of porn videos devoted to it -- but that's why those videos are all labeled "squirting" and not "regular sex happening in a normal, everyday fashion." Okay? You got it? Good. Now that's one to remember the next time you write about a dinosaur going down on a princess.

Yoshi lapped up every bit and licks entire pussy clean. He looked up and said 'Baby your sweet peach juice is all over my face and it tastes so sweet.'

Well, at least Yoshi is getting his vitamin C, I guess. Hey, I just thought of something! If Peach could stick a bottle of champagne up her twat, she could be the world's first sex-powered bellini maker.

'If that is so, I must try it.' Peach said in a very authoritative voice. She then licked Yoshi's face clean making sure to clean inside his mouth as well.

Wait a second -- Peach didn't know her vaginal secretions tasted like peaches? So it was a secret from her as well? What the fuck is going on here?

'Well Yoshi, was that as good as you hoped?' Peach asked. 'It was so good princess, much better than I could ever imagine.' Peach smiled an idea forming, 'Is that so?'

'Yep.'

'Then now it's my go!' she said brightly.

Player 2, start!

'What?' said the confused dinosaur. Peach got on her knees and pulled him closer. 'You got a taste of me, now I want a taste of you.' You could almost hear the click as Yoshi worked it out, 'Awww baby, does this mean i get to put my huge dino dick inside your sweet wet mouth?'

"Well, now that you've 'said Awww baby, does this mean i get to put my huge dino dick inside your sweet wet mouth' no, you don't. Because you sound like a member of the Jersey Shore."

Peach smiled, 'give him a medal, or in this case, the alternative.' She opened her mouth wide. 'By the stars that's a big mouth' Yoshi said as he slid his huge red dick inside her mouth.

Red?

'How does my dick taste Peach?'

'Mmmmm mmm mmm mmmm' Peach said.

...which sounded like "Egg salad -- where the hell have you been sticking this thing?"

'Pardon?' Yoshi said. Peach gave him the thumbs up. 'Suck it good Peach and you may get some cum for you to taste.' Peach knew he was bragging but didn't say anything, instead she held her breath grabbed his butt cheeks and pulled her head to the base of his dick sucking hard. 'Oh god peach. That's good. You can get it so deep!' Peach looked up and nodded, taking a breath though her nose. 'Can you suck on my balls too baby?' Peach nodded and opened her mouth wider so she could fit everything in her mouth at the same time. 'HOLY CRAP THAT'S GOOD!' Yoshi exclaimed, 'I'm gonna cum!'

Attention erotic fan fiction writers-- Lesson #2: Any kind of sex act should probably at least sound like it's taking more than 20 seconds. Honestly, it's almost as embarrassing for you as if you reached orgasm that quickly in real life. Seriously, if you can't even describe mediocre sex, you're not getting laid, ever.

'Cum in my mouth!' Peach managed to say, pulling back so Yoshi could see where he was aiming.

Is it worth pointing out that if Peach really wanted Yoshi to come in her mouth, she should have, you know, kept his dick in her mouth? Seriously, do these writers not watch porn videos? They're everywhere, for free. They're kind of hard to avoid, frankly. Learn a little something about your craft for fuck's sake!

Yoshi shot a huge load into Peach's mouth, some of it covering her lips in white sticky cum. 'Oh baby that was good!' He said, panting. Peach gargled and swallowed all of the cum in her mouth. 'Is that it?' she said, sounding disappointed. Yoshi turned around after a second. 'You want some dino dick inside your pussy do you?' he asked.

"Again, I was considering it until you said 'dino dick.' Seriously, stop doing that. You're embarrassing both of us."

'Hell yes!' Peach yelled. Yoshi laid the princess down and put his dick deep inside of her so they were facing each other. Peach moaned and kissed Yoshi on the lips with her cum covered ones. Mmm I taste good. Yoshi said, licking his lips.

"I knew sticking my dino dick in that egg salad would pay off!"

They stayed in this embrace for a while pumping in and out so deep that he stretched Peach's pussy wide, sliding back and forth, back and forth, fast for a while, then slow again. 'How do you like this baby?'

"You are inserting your penis into my vagina, and then moving it back and forth at a variety of speeds! How could things possibly get more erotic?!"

'Your dick is bigger than before!' Peach said, obviously delighted. 'It's because your wet pussy turns me on so much I can't help but get even bigger.'

Lesson #3: Penises have a size limit. They don't just keep growing.

'And your inside me so deep it's soooooo good' Yoshi smirked, Peach thrusted in time with his movements. 'Wait!' Yoshi said, 'I don't want to be the father of a Yoshi-human cross-breed, no offence, but can we move to your butt?'

'You read my mind.' Peach said, getting on her hands and knees. 'Now you're the one doing the riding.' She said looking back at Yoshi.

"Ha ha! NOW EAT THIS KOOPA AND SPIT OUT A GODDAMN FIREBALL, BITCH. LET'S SEE HOW YOU LIKE IT."

'I guess I am.' He prodded her butt-hole slowly pushing more and more of his dick inside. 'Just push it all in at once Peach urged. He did so and she gasped. 'It's so much bigger than even five minutes ago!'

SEE LESSON #3

'I ate a super mushroom when you weren't looking and it made my dick bigger.' Yoshi said pulling out and sounding smug.

I am genuinely sad to see that jrejinald has found a legitimate reason, at least in terms of the property, to make Yoshi's dick bigger.

He pushed his huge dino dick back inside really quick which made Peach bump a table from the force of it, when this occurred another super mushroom fell of the table and landed by her arm.

Huh? What? Why weren't these super mushrooms mentioned before? This is just sloppy writing, sir. It's like you're making this up as you go along. A true author would have mentioned the mushrooms (and the table) earlier. To paraphrase Chekhov, "if you see a gun hanging on the wall in the first act, a dinosaur must eat that gun to have a larger penis which which to fuck a girl in the third act." Or something like that.

'I wonder what will happen if I eat one?' she thought as Yoshi pulled out again. 'STOP' she yelled.

'Everything ok?'

'Everything's fine.' Peach said through a mouthful of super mushroom. 'Princess, look.' Yoshi said pointing at Peach's bosom. 'Your boobs are growing to epic sizes!.'

Sigh.

Peach looked down and they had indeed grown very large. She squeezed a nipple experimentally and a small stream of milk came out. 'Oh my god your boobs are humongous now! Just the way I like them. Yoshi said smiling. 'Not only that, milk comes out!' Peach said, showing him.

"You know what that means -- ICE CREAM PARTY!"

Yoshi moved forward, pushing his dick in all the way in the process, grabbed one and pinched the nipple and squirted the milk on his extended tongue. 'Delicious.' He declared. 'And my dick is growing more thanks to it!'

SERIOUSLY, STOP IT.  YOU'RE RUINING WHAT LITTLE INTEGRITY YOUR YOSHI/PEACH EROTIC FAN FIC ACTUALLY HAS.

Peach tried a little and her bobs grew some more. 'It tastes so good'. She said and sucked on it more drinking greedily. Yoshi started thrusting again, going harder and harder and faster and faster pounding Peaches butt, intent on making her scream with pleasure. 'O I can feel every inch inside of you Peach!'

And your bobs are so hot!

'So good! Faster Yoshi!' Peach moaned in pleasure.

'I'M ABOUT TO CUM!' Yoshi yelled, thrusting.

'Cum in my butt!' Peach yelled.

"Actually, I'm already in your butt!"

"I know!"

"So why ask me to come in your butt when I'm already in your butt!"

"I'm not sure, frankly!"

"Did it seem like I might not cum in your butt?"

"No, I think you probably would!"

"Then what's the problem?"

"Nothing, really! I think I was just making conversation!"

"Oh!"

"Yeah!"

"Well, I will! I will come in your butt!"

"Thank you!"

"No problem!"

Yoshi bit his lip and came, excessive amounts of fluid were ejected, so much that Peach was filled up to the brim and some came out of her mouth.

Lesson #4: Erotic fan fic writers, no matter how hard a male ejaculates into a female vagina or anus... a little bit of semen will always come out of her mouth. That is just a cold hard fact.

'Oh man!' Yoshi said, short of breath. Peach swallowed. 'You love the taste of that cum?' Yoshi asked.

'Oh yes, it tastes like heaven!' the princess said, enthralled.

'Good I can do that whenever you want.'

"Well, next time try orgasm when the clock ends with one, three or six, because then we get fireworks."

Peach smiled, 'sounds like I shall be seeing you regularly then. But for now, let's just sit.' So they sat and fell asleep, Peach curled up in Yoshi's arms.

WHAT A GREAT STORY. I hope you all learned something from it. For instance, I learned that if I put a rubber nipple directly on my scotch bottle, I save a lot of time and effort. Now that's edu-tainment!


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