10 Disney Characters Yet to be Ruined by Rule 34

By Ethan Kaye in Daily Lists, Miscellaneous
Friday, April 8, 2011 at 8:01 am
5) Ranger J. Audubon Woodlore
After seeing that someone had done a version of Joe and Tony dressed as the Mario Brothers, I thought that DeviantART had some picture of everyone on it. Not so. There is no image of J. Audubon Woodlore, erotic or otherwise, which is sad since Joe and Tony only had about 30 seconds of total screen time while Ranger Woodlore starred in six shorts and guested on Walt Disney's Wonderful World of Color. To put this fuddy tub in a sexual situation for a story or drawing...well, I think we'd all lose.

4) The Tar Baby, Song of the South
You know what, internet? If you want to find a blob of tar with two buttons and a cork sexy, you go ahead. Thankfully I couldn't find perverse stories or pictures, but when finding pics of grown men having sex with every kind of Pokemon imaginable is easy, it's only a small leap of faith to think someone has wanked to this glob of goo. So go ahead, weirdos, wank all you want to this little picture. And stay away from schools. Author's Note: At this point in searching the internet, I got sick of it all and had to turn the computer off of a while.

3) Allan-a-Dale, Robin Hood
People often cite Disney's Robin Hood as the first emergence of furries into popular culture, as people took a shine to Robin and Maid Marion in ways they hadn't to Pluto and Chip and Dale (all stars of their own erotica, thank you very much). But my torrid internet search only came up with a photo of the rooster balladeer watching Robin and Maid Marion doing it, so I don't think that actually counts as "someone found the rooster with Roger Miller's voice sexy". Which is, given all I've had to look at, a small comfort.

2) Slim, A Bug's Life
Thankfully, my searches turned up no Bug's Life erotica, however I did see a reference to people complaining that there wasn't any. Slim was the unassuming stick insect from the film, voiced by David Hyde Pierce. Personally, I find nothing sexy about multi-legged stick insects or David Hyde Pierce, but that could be a deficiency on my part. But hey, he's got multiple arms for touching (shudder), and the polite demeanor, which may press the right buttons for some people. Frasier did very well for a while, and the whole cast of that show was ickier than Slim.

1) Hen Wen, The Black Cauldron
Ladies and gents, when a writer describes something weird, he or she normally says something like "but I'm not judging you." Here's where I differ from them: if you want to have sex with a pig, I'm judging you. I will judge you until the day you die. Do not fuck the pig from The Black Cauldron. Do not write stories where you fuck the pig from The Black Cauldron. Drawing photos of it will not make you cool, it will only reserve you a deeper spot in hell. Leave Hen Wen alone, perverts.

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