10 Disturbing Questions Raised by the Original Star Tours

Thursday, April 28, 2011 at 8:01 am
5) Who Tractor Beams an Unknown Ship in the Middle of a Battle?
If you're an Imperial soldier on the Star Destroyer, and you're in the middle of a firefight with rebels, and a strange ship flies out of a comet, what would you do? Keep in mind, that there are a bunch of other ships currently shooting at you with lasers -- and you're supposed to protect the Death Star. If you thought the ship was friendly, you'd send out a hailing signal saying, "What the FUCK are you doing here?" Otherwise, you'd blast it just like you're blasting the X-Wings. In the middle of combat the last thing you'd want to do is pull the mystery ship closer.

4) Why Can the X-Wing Pilots Talk to Star Tours... But Not the Imperials?
I'm going to skip over the big elephant in the room of when this takes place in Star Wars continuity, because I just can't figure it out (the way they go after the Death Star is purely New Hope, but the proximity to the Endor moon suggests it's somewhere around Jedi -- a failed attack perhaps? We don't see it blow up). I'll move on to something kind of minor: Why can the X-Wing pilotz communicate with Star Tours but the Imperials can't? These guys are rebels, the equivalent to guerilla fighters with good tech, but they can reach out to a tour ship within a few seconds of spying it. Is everyone working on the same frequency?

3) Whose Side Is Star Tours On?
startours-2.jpg
We're supposed to be rooting for the Rebellion, of course, but as Star Tours is a licensed business (presumably licensed by the Empire), its professional loyalties should remain with the governing body. You show your passport to the government official, not the rebel in the jeep who's been running sorties on your bases. Obviously, the Death Star didn't blow up, so this was probably just a failed attack on it by some rebel fighters. But since Star Tours helped out in the attack (they shot lasers! from the space bus!), wouldn't this make them traitors? What you don't see after Rex lands is a squadron of Stormtroopers executing the entire staff of Star Tours for treason.

2) Whose Side Are You On?
Tour groups bring in a diverse group of people, so the odds that some of the passengers on Star Tours are pro-Empire are very good. Having different political views is one thing; actively taking part in an attack on the largest government battleship in the universe is another. Remember, the Rebellion is in hiding. The whole beginning of Empire is them trying not be found out while they're on Hoth, otherwise they'll be massacred by AT-ATs. If anyone on the tour to Endor wasn't allied with the Rebellion, they'd be calling the authorities ASAP once they touched down. "Those rebels you've been searching for? Would you believe it, they're running a goddam tour company."

1) What Kind of Tour Company Murders People?
At timestamp 3:38 in the video in the intro, a TIE Fighter is coming at your vehicle. Lasers shoot out the front of your tour ship. The TIE Fighter blows up. Congratulations, you're now accessory to murder. Thanks to your little trip to Endor, some family is without its father. Let me reiterate how fucking insane that is: you were on a guided tour and your tour guide, on his own volition, killed a sentient being. Not like he sideswiped it into a ditch or ran him over when he darted out in front of the bus, no, your tour guide consciously murdered someone in a place he wasn't supposed to be at in the first place. Holy shit, that would get your business shut down in a heartbeat.

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