The 15 Coolest Gremlins

By Chris Cummins in Daily Lists, Movies
Monday, June 6, 2011 at 8:05 am
7) Mohawk/Spider-Gremlin
At first, Mohawk was little more than a Stripe rip-off. Then he drank a potion that turned him into a Gremlin/spider hybrid. What resulted was the greatest screen monster since the glory days of Ray Harryhausen. NECA has yet to include the Spider-Gremlin in their Reel Toys Gremlins line as of yet, probably because it would be cost-prohibitive. As nerds, I think we should all pester them until they finally do so. Come to think of it, a Murray Futterman would be nice too. Hey Rob, can I do a list of Gremlins characters that deserve their own figures next?

6) Bat Gremlin
Biting the hand that feeds always equals laughs. Thus in a film packed with meta moments, the most meta arrived when the Bat Gremlin bursts through the wall of the Clamp building and out into New York City -- leaving behind a Bat symbol that beautifully mocked Warner Brothers' marketing department and the Batman hype that dominated the previous summer. No wonder there was never a Gremlins 3.

5) Mugger Gremlin
Mugger Gremlin.jpg
Is the Mugger Gremlin Joe Dante's subtle condemnation of how crime has infiltrated even the smallest of America's towns? And more importantly, if Etsy wasn't around in 1984 where the hell did this Gremlin get his hat?

4) Greta, a.k.a. Lady Gremlina
Also known as Lady Gremlina, Greta is the type of gal you see hanging around street corners in disreputable parts of town late at night. Yes, like Smurfette before her she is the only female in a male-dominated society. Lest you think I am casting aspersions upon her character unjustly let me remind you that we all know how the Mogwai reproduce and eventually become Gremlins. Therefore, her sexuality must purely exist for recreational reasons. Shudder. It's also feasible that she's a drag queen, which opens up an entirely new Pandora's Box of scary and/or scintillating possibilities.

3) Brain Gremlin
Not to be confused with Brian Gremlen (my third grade nemesis), Brain Gremlin has the intellect of Einstein and the voice of Tony Randall. He's the most charismatic of all of the Gremlins and therefore probably the most dangerous. I mean look how easily he can throw together a first-rate Busby Berkeley production number while simultaneously planning to destroy the Big Apple. That takes some serious multi-tasking skills. Unfortunately, Billy, Kate, Mr. Futterman and company didn't appreciate his genius and he was killed in what's become known as the Clamp Centre Incident. Like Andy Kaufman before him, the Brain Gremlin was a culture jammer extraordinaire who went before his time.

2) Jazzy Gremlin
Miles Davis gave us the birth of the cool and Kitchens of Distinction brought us the death of it. In between those two extremes lies a purgatory of slickness and serenity. This is the domain of the Jazzy Gremlin. While his monstrous colleagues indulge their passion for mischief, he's content to sit back and take in the smooth sounds of Dorry's Tavern. Even when he is forced to deal with a crumb looking to kill his mellow he doesn't flip his lid. Nah, Jazzy just takes care of business then resumes grooving. He's out of this world, man.

1) Stripe
Stripe.jpg
As Billy is fond of saying throughout Gremlins, "the one with the Stripe seems to be the leader." Indeed. By this point we've seen a lot of cool Gremlins, but there's no one who holds a candle to Stripe. He's a vicious anarchist with a sweet tooth who wants to bring madness to the town he suddenly finds himself in. Badass and loving it. He doesn't have the body count of a Jason, Michael Myers or Leatherface, yet Stripe is just as much of a cinema psychopath. Plus, he has a way better hairdo than any of those bastards.

Honorable Mention: Flasher Gremlin
Flasher Gremlin.jpg
He doesn't even have genitals, yet the Flasher Gremlin still likes showing off. Total fucking narcissist. He probably just saw Phoebe Cates' Fast Times at Ridgemont High topless scene and got fired up.

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