10 Incredibly Stupid Things Smallville Gave Us (Instead of Superman)

By John Wofford in Comics, Daily Lists, TV
Tuesday, August 30, 2011 at 8:07 am
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Smallville is one of the most hotly debated shows among the comic-reading community. The tale of Superman in his childhood, Smallville follows young farm boy Clark Kent from the moment he discovers he's an alien, to his first public appearance as Superman, the iconic comic book hero. It's great to see a show based on such a popular character, especially one that lasts for ten years.

But Smallville had serious flaws. Built around a strict policy of "no tights, no flights," Smallville consistently showed us a Superman who was as un-super as possible. When the show finally ended in May of this year, fans had seen Superman for a combined total of 10 minutes. So what were Smallville's producers giving Superman fans all those years, instead of their beloved hero? A lot of dumb shit, frankly. Oh, there were some great moments and good episodes, of course, but that doesn't change the fact that Smallville showcased more than its share of super-stupidity. Please note this is by no means a comprehensive list of all the dumb things Smallville did during its 10-year run; even the internet wouldn't have enough room for that. Feel free to discuss your favorite -- or at least the ones you love to hate -- in the comments.


10) Amy Adams Eating a Deer

Smallville's first season followed a tried and truly annoying format that lovers and haters alike dubbed the Freak of the Week. Some of these monsters were better than others, but most of them were never seen or heard from again, doing nothing to build the world of Superman or even advance the plot. Exhibit A: Amy Adams in "Craving."
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That is Amy Adams. Before she was cast as Lois Lane in Zac Snyder's upcoming Man of Steel, Adams was Jodi Melville, a chunky-and-likeable student who had a thing for Clark's friend Pete Ross. Poisoned by kryptonite-infused vegetables, Melville begins rapidly losing weight, feeding off animals and eventually people in order to meet the needs of her metabolism. In one particularly ridiculous moment, Adams eats a roadkill deer. So, there's that.

9) The Fast and the Mildly Irritated

Poor Pete Ross: a character so inconsequential, he never even achieved 'sidekick' status. Eventually Ross left the show, and most of us forgot he was ever a part of it. Before that could happen, however, he had to have a spotlight episode in a last-ditch effort to squeeze some substance out of his character. And what says small-town nice guy better than... illegal street racing?
None of this makes any sense. Smallville has approximately one street, two signs ("Welcome" and "Thanks for visiting") and maybe a flea market. Even if we're meant to believe he's 'fallen in with the wrong crowd' that somehow doesn't get caught, the stupidity is compounded when we learn that the cars are fueled by kryptonite. Episodes like Season Three's "Velocity" were meant to cash in on the popularity of recent movie releases such as Fast and the Furious. It's not the last we see of this ratings ploy, but more on that in a bit.

8) Bitches' Brew

While Clark's female counterparts have always been more interesting than Clark himself, the producers decided it was best to throw all that respectable lady power out the window with a season four plot involving spells, witches, possession, and a mysterious tattoo that etched itself onto the skin of Clark's star-crossed love, Lana.
If that wasn't bad enough, Lois and Chloe were dragged into this mess in "Spell," an episode that saw Clark fighting the bitchy spirits of three ancient spell-casters controlling his friends. Isn't this a show about Superm -- oh wait, no? My mistake.

7) Clark Kent, Vampire Slayer

We've already done witches, why not vampires? And not just any vampires, vampires that can be made human again with -- you guessed it! -- kryptonite. Clark's sole weakness has been used for everything, from super-powered cars to monsters with eating disorders. Surely it can restore a changed vampire too?
While season five's "Thirst" features a decent subplot revealing the malevolent Brainiac, its primary story revolves around Lana's induction into a college sorority of bloodsuckers who turn her into one of them, then send her after the Not-Yet-Man of Steel himself. One has to imagine the producers saying, "With ideas like these, who needs an iconic costumed superhero, amirite? Guys...?"

6) Sawville

In one of the most blatant knock-offs of a popular movie franchise ever, Smallville featured an entire episode with a sadistic killer in a creepy mask, elaborate death traps, and a ticking clock on which time is running out. When Lex Luthor's father and Ma Kent (?!) are kidnapped by a deranged psychopath, Clark must come to the rescue before the audience falls asleep.
The killer is a former employee of Luthor's, although you probably don't give a shit (neither did he). Knowing that Ma Kent wouldn't dare be killed off in such a stupid filler episode, or that the network would never show any actual violence, season five's "Mercy" had no tension and lost points for colliding the Man of Tomorrow with a horror franchise that's pretty much a joke itself.

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