Ocarinas are for assholes. True heroes — the ones with the guts to go out and save the princess while wearing pointy little elf hats — play marimbas. And then the make an awesome arrangement of the Legend of Zelda main theme with that Marimba fo Time. And then they force two friends to play that arrangement with them, and warn them that unless they play it perfectly and keep the beat they’re getting a blue boomerang to the dick. That’s what a hero does. Or am I thinking of asshole? Enh,. whatever. Thanks to Jamie B. for the tip.
Robert Bricken is one of the original co-founders of the site formerly known as Topless Robot, and its first editor-in-chief, serving from 2008-12. He brought the site to prominence with “nerd news, humor and self-loathing” as its motto, raising it from total internet obscurity to a readership in the millions, with help from his savage “FAQ” movie reviews and Fan Fiction Fridays. Under his tenure Topless Robot was covered by Gawker, Wired, Defamer, New York magazine, ABC News, and others, and his articles have been praised by Roger Ebert, Avengers actor Clark Gregg, comedian and The Daily Show correspondent John Hodgman, the stars of Mystery Science Theater 3000 and Rifftrax, and others. He is currently the managing editor of io9.com. Despite decades as both an amateur and professional nerd, he continues to be completely unprepared for either the zombie apocalypse or the robot uprising.