The 10 Creepiest Santa Clauses

By Ethan Kaye in Cartoons, Daily Lists, Movies
Wednesday, December 21, 2011 at 8:03 am
Santa Claus. Fat man living with wife at the North Pole. Loves drinking Coke products. Has a love/hate relationship with kids. He's the sign of the Christmas season and unless you're luckily blinded for the holidays, you're going to see a lot of his jolly elfin ass. Honestly, if his smiling face is anywhere other than the tinfoil covering a piece of Christmas chocolate, we can do without the saturation. But somewhere along the line some genius fan fiction writer decided that Santa didn't have to be the Coke-swilling benevolent elf, and could be decidedly... creepier. Way to play on those bad memories of childhood, writer! Now we have more creepy Santas than we know what to do with, so here's a sample of some of the best!

Note: This list was originally published on TR on December 21st, 2009. Hey, I'm on vacation. Sue me. --Rob

10) Santa Claus in A Christmas Story

Santa doesn't play much of a role in the seminal Christmas film, but his segment is 100 times more entertaining than any of the other scenes in the film, especially those retarded fantasy sequences where Ralphie shoots people. Santa is jaded, probably drunk, and works at a mall. His nose is really red and his eyes bug out of his skull like an emaciated insect. And when Ralphie is too scared to say what he wants for Christmas? Santa kicks him in the face. Boo-ya! Suck it, four-eyes!

9) McFarlane Toys' Twisted Christmas
"S. Claus," as he's known in Todd McFarlane's mind, never showed his bearded face on a cartoon or movie, but he's creepy enough without the extra boost of movement and motivation. The claws are, to be honest, a pun that's way too obvious, but the gas mask throws you off enough to accept it. So he's a...professional tree trimmer with germ issues? Deli counter worker in 1988 Kuwait? Johnny Depp fan dressed as the Golden Age Sandman? There's also a toy of a smokin' hot Mrs. Claus, which goes to prove that sometimes the schlubby guys get the girl, especially if you live in the North Pole and don't see the sun for half the year.

8) Art Carney in The Twilight Zone

The episode's titled "Night of the Meek" and it first aired nearly 50 years ago. It's one of the few episodes of The Twilight Zone that didn't end with a big reveal like we're all going to die and be trapped in limbo forever, and it was, in fact, pretty sweet. Art plays a drunk mall Santa who gets a magic bag of toys that produces presents. At the end of the episode he becomes Santa Claus, which is all well and good but it's Art Carney, for God's sake, and he will never stop being Art Carney in a creepy sparse beard. Crazy eyes!

7) Jack Skellington in The Nightmare Before Christmas

Creepy characters are one thing, but a creepy character that gets off on cosplay is another. Have you been to an anime convention? Those guys are so far past "creepy" they can't even see it in their rearview, yet they're dressed like cats. Jack Skellington, really, is nothing more than a skinny cosplayer with an obsessive fantasy disorder, who's not afraid to resort to felonies like kidnapping and home invasion to satisfy his pervy desires. You just know he was whispering sweetly to his Santa hat just off-camera. There are places for you, sicko. They're called jails, where you'll be crowned "The Pumpkin King" again and again.

6) Multiple Santa in The Tick

Did you know that fear of Santa Claus is called "hagiophobia?" Fear of many Santas would be...well, still hagiophobia, but like a real BIG case of it. The Tick had to go up against a self-replicating Kris Kringle in the animated series, with the little buggers running around like nasty little red ants. Sure, there are more than a few funny books out there that have Santa stealing things, but whip up a few mutant Clauses and you've got some good ol' nightmare fuel.

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