I SWEAR TO GOD I AM NOT MAKING THIS UP. Go-Gurt is running a promo with Star Wars for The Phantom Menace 3-D; the Go-Gurt tubes glow-in-the-dark like lightsabers, which is all well and good. What's less well and good is THAT THEY'RE CALLING THEM SLURP SABERS.
HOLY FUCKING SHIT. Really? Really no one felt there was a double entendré there? For a product that is already a long tube of yogurt? KIDS, SUCK HARD ENOUGH ON THAT SLURP SABER AND YOU'LL MAKE THE GO-GURT COME OUT! Dont squeeze too hard or you'll make a mess! Don't forget to play with the balls a little! Okay, that las one doesn't quite work, but you get the idea. Honestly, I'm going to have a hard time finding an FFF as depraved as this.
HOLY FUCKING SHIT. Really? Really no one felt there was a double entendré there? For a product that is already a long tube of yogurt? KIDS, SUCK HARD ENOUGH ON THAT SLURP SABER AND YOU'LL MAKE THE GO-GURT COME OUT! Dont squeeze too hard or you'll make a mess! Don't forget to play with the balls a little! Okay, that las one doesn't quite work, but you get the idea. Honestly, I'm going to have a hard time finding an FFF as depraved as this.
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A Nubian is a breed of goat too. Please, don't screw the goats.
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This consPENISy is getting bigger all the time. You came in that? You're braver than I thought. Size matters not. Go home, Wedge. You're not doing any good back there. Han, can you reach my lightsaber? At last we shall reveal ourselves to the Jedi! I can make it legal. You're all clear, kid. Now let's blow this thing and go home! I think 'he' is a 'she' and 'she' is a changeling. Not to mention "proton torpedo up the thermal exhaust port" is my new favorite euphemism for anal sex.
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Aayla Secura being bukkake'd by all the male Jedi with their lightsabers?
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Bravo, sir, bravo.
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it could be worse lucas could have okayed calling the stuff sabert or slorce. and no doubt some one busy preparing a fan fiction friday using the term slurpsaber.
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Late to the party on this one, but... As a (former) advertiser I sought to implement the "15 Year Old Rule." Any and all public advertising pieces would be preview by a diverse panel of 8th grade males. If any member of the group snickered knowingly the material was to be immediately sent back to the ol' drawing board.
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:raises eyebrow: how...how know this????
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Is Skywalker Ranch the new Neverland Ranch?
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The use of sexual and phallic imagery purposefully in advertising is a long standing thing. (Heh. Long standing.) Such subliminal sexual imagery isn't a rarity, it's the norm. Hell. That you even see it in children commercials with actual children sadly shouldn't be shocking either. Remember what Cory Feldman said about what happened to him and the late Cory Haim. He claims Hollywood is full of pedophiles and sexual predators who passed him and other child stars around like ten dollar whores. I wouldn't be surprised if this was true. We've already heard similar accounts of a code of silence and such scum hiding in everything from the Catholic Church to college sports.
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Internet hell. Most us were this dirty minded before we had internet connection. Abraxas was banned from the local comic shop for "making Starfire smutty" when he was a wee lad.
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Fun for the whole family! SLURP SABERS! Suck on it a little bit, but don't forget to lick it all up or you'll make a mess! But hey, if you do make a mess, you can be sure to lick it all up later! Ignore the innuendoism here, because there is none! It's just innocent childplay! You're all sick freaks! At least this isn't the mane event at Lucas' ranch. I'm sure there's plenty of buttfucking to go around for everyone!
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Sorry, but not everyone is up on their modern sex terms. Until I looked it up right now, I didn't know about that other definition of "slurp". This is an over-reaction brought on by people's internet-dirtied minds.
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If I was flexible enough to slurp my own saber, I wouldn't have gotten married in the first place!
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Will this be on the test?
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Wow, just...wow?
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Is that an invitation?
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Every time you say shit like that out loud it happens!
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o.O Aaaaand over on The Old Republic, 'Slurp mah saber, beeyotch!' has become the insult du jour.
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They need new R&D for thier products. I have been using the same line "Slurp till its flat" with my wife for years... It doesnt work
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Exactly
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There was a Jar Jar candy tongue where you had to "make out" with Jar Jar to get the candy.
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Have you ever seen a cat penis?
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I wouldn't listen to anything that Troy says. He thinks all dogs are boys and all cats are girls.
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Did I mention the dowel is the diameter of a standard beer pitcher?
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Ah, he's no different than the common FFF author then
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Thanks to FFF I think we've been on a list for some time now.
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I prefer onion rings made from pegasi wings, but these work perfectly :D
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Tell it to that shameless little hussy jerking of her Slurp Saber for the yummy Gogurt.......Jesus, I feel like a sex offender just by writing that. I wonder how this fucking commercial got past a legal department?
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Did you guys know that Gogurt is just yogurt?
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Do it, it's the only way to escape this George Lucas's-slurp-saber-ridden reality.
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Ahh Younglings....Slurp Yoda's Saber you will
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Somewhere, somebody is making a fan fiction involving Go-gurt and Optimus's beautifully endorned rectum. And I suggest adding Jar-Jar Bink's penis in there somewhere.
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it's a sad, sad thing when a masturbatory internet blogger cannot control his own sexual drippage :(
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I didn't realize Brick needed Training pants!
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we are all part of an FBI list now!
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Why did I watch that again? SHE'S SUCKING AND STROKING IT THE ENTIRE TIME! DID NO ONE THROUGHOUT THAT WHOLE PRODUCTION EVER QUESTION WHAT THAT LOOKS LIKE?
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Exactly what I thought. I'm trying not to pee myself from laughing so hard, trying to explain what 's so darn funny to my coworkers
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God... I'd rather not. Assuming you mean Lucas, of course!
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:looks at Mayan TR calendar: why, yes, yes it is every day at TR
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Argh. I think my face just melted.
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sadly, the fcc forbids x-rated commercials.
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That's for a summer release.
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judging by the stain he left i say it didn't hold up well at all. sadly, nothing save a suit of adamantium can retrain the bricks lust for TRON
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only the best stuff for the darths and these have chips of aborted pony fetuses too :)
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They also have to share the same tailor as Bricken, considering what his briefs went through during the time of Tron: Legacy
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Only if it's made from the entrails of ponies.
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he's done worse. i just want to see his parts showing. in 3D
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So... um, for this new version of the Star Wars trilogy (um... sorry, series), will Lucas rename Threepio to 3D-Pio? :P
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he should be careful not to slurp his saber too much. his hand might get cut off.
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no, slurp or slurp not. there is no try
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for the jedi it is time to masturbate as well!
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Isn't that pretty much every day on TR?
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:slaps on glove: this is going to hurt a damn lot!
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"But now we must eat. Cum, good food, cummm..."
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your journey to the dark side IS COMPLETE!!!! cupcake?
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I think I just Out-Braxy'd Braxy. I feel as if I've ascended to a higher plane :D
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It seems they're taking sex ED to a whole new level
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I don't know what's more terrible, the name, or the fact that after a little girl slurpped the entire container, two little boys dropped to the ground with "O" on their mouths. Scarred.....
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You know, as crummy as TPM was, I feel a strange sense of nostalgia for 1999 when I see the merchandising blitz for the 3D version. Hell, we have a CGI Transformers series with awesome toys, so it IS just like when I was seven!
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"When 9 years you reach, look as non-glowy, you will not."
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Don't worry. Drs. Abraxas and Sago are here now. *preps a penicillin-coated dowel*
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And now I just imagined Alderaan exploding into a giant puddle of space spooge. Dammit.
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my cthulhu! how can those briefs constrain such wonders? clearly you and the hulk share the same tailor!
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wow it looks like a bounty hunter just tore through this place! and what's this? a portrait of R2D2????
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There's a nubian Star Wars porn parody in my pants :D Here all week, boys!
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Avatar Sago, that reminds me, we are in desperate need of another FFF Mad Libs contest. C'mon Rob, your liver can take one more blow!
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MAGNIFICENT!!!!
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Alright, Doc. While you're back there, can you check my sarlacc pit?
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The. Fuck?
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It was as if millions of nerds cried out in <strike>horror</strike> <strong>simultaneous climax</strong>, and were suddenly <strike>silenced</strike> <strong>coated with virgin girl sweat spray</strong>. I <strike>fear something terrible</strike> <strong>feel something orgasmic</strong> has happened <strong>to my PENIS</strong>.
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OMGOMGOMG- "Slurp till it's FLAT!" Oh man...today is a good day.
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Looks like you're going to be slurping your own saber for a while. Now I have to count the hours until I can go home from work, boot up The Old Republic, and make a character called "Slurp Saber." Oh, who am I kidding, somebody probably did that hours ago :\
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And that's how it's done.
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Star Wars withstanding, I don't know that I'd want to eat anything that came out of a glow-in-the-dark tube. My kids might come out looking like Yoda.
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let me attempt: "wow, and all of this time I thought it was only Qui Gon Gin who deflated at the taste of Darth Maul's double slurp saber. damn you, lucas, and your special edition revisionist ejaculate!"
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Wasn't that the final space fight in Phantom Menace?
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And why not popsicles?
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Well thank all that's holy for that!
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OK, could they have NOT used the take of the girl's eyes rolling back in her head? And that look on her face after the boys fell down. She's like, "Yep, I did that. I made them pass out with my sucking!" GAHHHHH!
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Hey, all of you better watch your words! Or else George Lucas will retire from the world of yumminess and NEVER produce another merchandise tie-in that involves foods you suck on!
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midichlorians? i think it's time for your penicillin shot.... spread 'em cheeks!
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**insert well-written snappy joke comparing 'double-entendré' to Darth Maul's lightsaber here**
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didn't we already do the virgin and desperation scent on wednesday?
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Hmm. Tastes like midi-chlorians.
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Jar Jar flavored Slurp Sabers?
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I'm willing to bet that this movie will feature a scene where George Lucas masturbates Go-Gurt onto the audience's faces. In GLORIOUS THREE DEE
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It's the wrapper not the food that glows in the dark
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this....this right here is so disturbing on so many levels. i mean besides the name "slurp saber" which has the pedobear stamp of approval, glow in the dark FOOD? really?
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There's a nubian Star Wars porn parody in there somewhere.
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I've never seen anyone go flaccid so quickly after being slurped. Those boys need to see a doctor.
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For the record, she didn't like it. Good thing I've got a comfy couch!
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ba-DUM-bum! [/rimshot]
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So, Slurp Sabers + Dark Vador burger black buns = FFF
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Slurp Saber was my porn name when I was working on Alderaan. I had to change it once my career blew up.....
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My 4 yr old son has the Clone Wars ones. I will be telling the wifey about this.
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how about ... NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!
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At least it isn't a Jar Jar ... Um.. yeah.. I can't think of anything worse than this. But, whatever it is, I'm sure Lucas licensed it.
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Oh, for fuck's sake...
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Aaaaand divorce filing in 3... 2...
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It was as if millions of nerds cried out in horror, and were suddenly silenced. I fear something terrible has happened.
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