Ridiculously Necessary Sequels: And the Winners Are…

?Uh… sorry I’m late? Look, between some incredibly good entries to judge and getting sick and my brain turning into sweet potato casserole, I just couldn’t get the Necessary Sequel Ideas contest results done before today. This is totally an excuse, but I am genuinely sorry. I promise it won’t happen again… at least for a while, hopefully?

Anyways, before we begin, let me point out three extra-special Honorable Mentions:
? Scooter Atreides for his Willow sequel idea
? Kaoy for his Skies of Arcadia sequel idea
? and Jarret Sullivan for this Princess Bride sequel idea.

All three were incredibly well-thought entries, but way, way too long to repost here — and when you see how long some of the entries I did accept are, you’ll note I was pretty lenient about word count, at least up to a point). At any rate, they’re worth checking out if you have the time. Now let’s finally do this.

I was going to make an Honorable Mention 2: Electric Boogaloo “joke” here but then I realized even I had slightly more dignity that. Not much, but a little.

Mech5:

Megas XLR season three+. The show had a wonderful mix of humor, alien invasions and Japanese tropes used fairly smoothly in a western setting. There’s always more room for Coop to destroy stuff, sometimes saving the world in the process. I’m sure the entire original cast could be coerced back without problem, just continue as if it never ended.

Since Gurren Lagann aired in the time between Megas’ cancellation, this is a perfect chance for Coop to pull out a Giga Drill Breaker. That alone is enough reason to revive it. And with more mecha shows, such as Rinne no Lagrange, on the air, that means more stuff for Coop to homage. And more reasons for PoPTV to go kaboom. And blowing up MTV analogues is always welcome.

MariedeGournay:

Okay, this is obscure, but it’s my favorite movie: “The Holy Mountain.” Probably call it “Down the Holy Mountain,” and it’s about the film crew as they return to ‘real life.” However, that ‘real life’ slowly beings to reflect the movie they were expelled from. One by one, they are summoned by the Iguana Aztecs to fight against the Evil Bishop Frogs. Most of them are slain, skins peeled and hug to dry marble crosses. The few remaining crew members under go ritual purification in an attempt gain the powers of their patron planet. The Frog Inquisition leaves the United States a corpse swamp of red-black water, and moves south through Mexico. There the frogs meet the crew now changed by divine blessing: Lords Pluto, Saturn, Mercury, Jupiter, Uranus; Ladies Venus and Mars; and their leader, wild-eyed Queen Neptune. Under the shadows of Guadalajara Cathedral, the final battle begins.

ONIAgent150:

As soon as I saw the title, I knew my entry. Reign of Fire II. Think about it. Just because the humans have won a small victory by killing the last male dragon doesn’t mean the dragons are all gone. They survived for millions of years under the surface of the earth, so it would stand to reason that even though they cannot reproduce, they can keep marauding across the planet. Christian Bale has to return to his band of survivors and tell them every weapon they had against the dragons is now spent. With humanity defenseless and the dragons without a leader, it’s total anarchy in post-apocalyptic England. Can Christian Bale rally his forces or will humanity go the way of the dinosaurs (i.e. made extinct by dragons)?

Tannerama:

Twin Peaks Season 3
I want Major Briggs, Sheriff Truman, and Deputy Hawk to go on a mission to the Black Lodge to retrieve Special Agent Dale Cooper who was replaced by his evil doppelganger. I want some oil magnate to throw dump trucks full of money at David Lynch until he makes Twin Peaks Season 3. And none of this prequel “fire walk with me” cop out bullshit. I want resolution damnit!

SlyDante:

Got it. A sequel to a great gaming franchise that Capcom has ignored for far too long…

Darkstalkers 4.

Seriously Capcom, why have you not gone through with this?? You still use the Darkstalkers characters, & you still make kickass fighters that garner tons of attention, so why not combine the two & make Darkstalkers 4 already??? Hell, Street Fighter producer Yoshinori Ono has even said he desperately wants to make a new Darkstalkers game. You have no excuse to not be making this!!

True, there’s not much to do plotwise (there never really is in most fighting games), but imagine how awesome the old gang would look with the SF4 or MVC3 touch! And imagine a new generation of characters you can use thanks to cult horror, sci-fi, & fantasy films from the past couple of decades, not to mention unique mythological creatures & monsters! Zombie priests, mummified cowboys, humanoid chupacabras, rabbit-like harbingers of the apocalypse, sharkmen, jersey devils (all off the top of my head)…The possibilities are endless!

…Also, Jon Talbain gets to be the main character. Because the fact that you haven’t used the most badass character in the whole fighting game world – an ass-kicking kung-fu werewolf Brit – in a new game in fifteen years is A F***ING CRIME.

Geekandwife:

I think there should be a sequel to the Matrix. I think with them ending the world after just one movie that there is a lot they could do to flesh out that universe. Heck, it doesn’t even have to be another movie, maybe an anime series or a video game to flesh out that universe.

TheFlashIII:

It could turn out badly, but I think a Big Trouble in Little China sequel is necessary. Not because there were a lot of questions unanswered or holes to fill in, but because Jack Burton is the coolest character ever. I don’t think I even need to describe what it would be about–It could be More Trouble in Little China or Big Trouble in Real China for all I care. Jack Burton just needs more screen time, dammit! And he’d better damn well still be played by Kurt Russell.

skrag2112:

‘Plan 10 From Outer Space: The Brony Initiative’

Kyle R:

Honestly, I’d like to see an Evil Dead four. Fuck the upcoming remake. Get Bruce Campbell to play Ash again. He’s not too old and he probably needs the money. Oh, and I guess the plot would be something generic, like he’s got to stop a cult from unleashing the deadites or they’ve already done that and now he’s living in this post apocalyptic world and he’s recruited by a band of survivors or some religious order to help fix things, but he’s all burnt out and doesn’t give a shit at first…..But who really gives a shit about the plot….we just wanna see Ash kill some deadites and act like a bad ass. It would be just one big fun gore fest, nothing more nothing less.

Chuck Topley:

Big O. Just to wrap up anything, even one plot thread–the missing memories, the foreign Union, reality vs. virtual reality vs. implanted memory, anything. And robots pummelling each other.

SocksArgyle:

I’d have to complete the “Conan” trilogy, starring Arnold Schwarzenegger, because it’s been almost thirty years since the last film. (“Conan the King”, perhaps. I’d get Milius and Stone back on board for more R-rated goodness, and have Morricone produce the score.) Conan, now old and weary from years of ruling a debauched people, is forcibly deposed by his scheming son and his minions, and exiled into the desert. However, during his journeys there, he regains his warrior spirit and gathers an army to take back his throne.
It would be the greatest film ever.

Ihatetalkbacks:

There needs to be a sequel to Big, called “Small” where Susan tracks down the Zoltar machine to be with Josh

Stuntman_Mike:

Black Dynamite and the Jive Tournament of Suckers, directed by Edgar Wright.

Black Dynamite receives a letter written in strange gold parchment. After an overtly elaborate lab analysis performed by Dynamite (Michael Jai White) and his newly formed vigilante outfit, the Turkey Carvers, to determine where the letter came from, they travel to the mysterious Katanashi Island (which will be pronounced incorrectly and given a different country designation every time it is mentioned).

At this point, they actually open the note, explaining that the nefarious Dr. Wu survived the assault on his previous laboratory and has kidnapped Black Dynamite’s woman. (perhaps women). He and his Turkey Carvers must now participate in a martial arts tournament, while also attempting to save his woman (women) from Wu’s clutches.

Also starring Takeshi Kitano as the twisted, double crossing Nafu, Jean-Claude Van Damme as the twisted, double crossing Frenchman, and Aaron Carter as Jimmy Carter.

Penh:

It has long been my goal to become as rich as Bill Gates so that I could
personally fund the production of ALIEN 5. I don’t care what the plot
is–the only thing that matters is establishing it as canon that ALIEN 3
and ALIEN 4 were nightmares that Ripley had while in hypersleep. The
rest of the movie could be a romantic comedy with Newt working at an ad
agency with Carter Burke’s brother as her evil boss who turns out to have a heart of gold for all I care.

operations:

It’s not considered a classic by any means, but I’d like to see a sequel to Willow.
Let it be a generational sequel so that the actors can reprise their roles. Introduce their children and a new threat to the kingdom from outside. Madmartigan and Sorcha take up their swords one last time to defend the home castle while their children quest for Willow, the only wizard who actually has the knowledge and power to beat back the darkness.
Ignore the stupid Shadow War novels, please.
Also, because seeing Joanne Whalley as Sorcha sleeping in her tent was when the young me first realized I had a penis.
My own first tent, if you will.

Wmcgee:

M. Night Shyamalan’s Unbreakable
Before ruining his reputation with The Last Airbender, Lady in the Water, and the movie with the killer trees, Shyamalan made a subtle yet engrossing thriller which could also be seen as a postmodern take on superheroes–a movie which he’s said was supposed to be part of a trilogy.

Unbreakable 2 eliminates the last moments of the first movie, the text epilogue that rushes the ending, and reunites Bruce Willis and Samuel L. Jackson (and restores Shyamalan’s name as a director of effective suspense). Here’s the setup to this sequel: David Dunn struggles to balance his family, his job as security officer, and life as a superhero. Mr. Glass, sent to a mental hospital, may be a supervillain–but no real evidence exists to suggest that he is, so David takes pity on him and visits him in the hospital. Dunn’s son, however, believes that Glass is what he claims and wants to prevent him from causing any more acts of violence. The twist comes when Dunn realizes that his son has inherited some of his powers; however, while Dunn’s weakness is water, his son’s is something even more upsetting.

Suchasiam:

We need the sequel to the last starfighter! And it would simply be called….
STARFIGHTER

Its been 30 years since we last saw Alex and Maggie ( Lance Guest and Catharine Mary Stewart ) Fly off to the heavens. Since that day, there has never been one communication back to their family or friends. Now, 38 Louis Rogan ( Garrett Hedlund ) newly retired from the air force as a spot on fighter pilot.. settles down in his country home. Never married, he often wonders what the fate was of his dear brother and, who he thought… would be his sister in law. He turns on his gaming console, and is SHOCKED to see a advertisement for a free download of the original ” Last Starfighter” game. “This is going to bring back memories” he thinks, as he installs his new game

Light years away Centari ( Ian Mckellon ) watches in awe as downloads for his “recruiting game” download in epic numbers. However, in play mode.. only one name is giving promise..no not promise…undeniable talent..but the name of this person sends Cinatari a chill… ” FightsforAlex84″ NO, it couldn’t be………

Cinatari must act fast. He must find Louis Rogan.. brother of famed starfighter Alex, and bring him back to Rylos. Xur (Norman Snow ) has had spys kidnap Maggie, and thus provoking Alex to give chase. Neither have been heard from in 2 years.. but now a message showing the pair captured, and a explination of evil to come.. We must get a starfighter up to speed quickly, if they are to save the hero of the people. Louis will be that starfighter.

Sum Ellis Ock:

Gremlins 3: The Final Batch. Just cause I wanna hear What’s the next Holiday related Traumatic life experience that Phoebe Cates’ character had to go through… I mean her dad died inside her chimney dressed up as Santa… She was Molested on President’s day by a guy dressed as Honest Abe…

Well Let’s see what WTF Story she can come up with on another Holiday…
How about Easter Sunday… and the story could be something about being gang raped by a guy dressed as Jesus and another as the Easter Bunny.

Plot? Something Something Billy’s son “accidentally” Gizmo due to his parent’s divorce… New Gremlin Menace forces them back together… 4 Words: Kung-Fu Fighting Gizmo…

Jacob Falkof:

“Spaceballs 3: The Search for Spaceballs 2: The Search for More Money”

Star Wars happened in 3’s, the 3 originals and the 3 prequels. If a sequel was to be made, why not make the third of the installment and never make the second? It could reference Spaceballs 2, without it ever coming out, and talk about how great it was and scenes and stuff, with a joke about not wanting to spoil it to those who haven’t saw. It could even end with them about to watch it and something happening, like credits role, and have the cast comment, like “OH god, this scene is my favorite”. With this, you get to make a sequel and have it loosely tie in with the original. Heck, it could satire the prequels, which isn’t that hard… *Cough* Jar Jar *Cough*…

Dillon J.:

My God, the fact that right now a sequel to Star Kid isn’t being made is ridicuHEY HEY wait, don’t scroll past this, I’m not done.

They need to do a story that deals with Spencer as an adult. An adult that wouldn’t be able to fit inside the suit of armor, but oddly enough would probably be tall enough to pee out of that little robotic chest-penis that shoots out. It would be an analytical masterpiece about growing up and how you can’t ever fully recapture your childhood. He would wind up on an adventure to keep the suit out of the hands of the government. It would be touching, in a way that many other movies wouldn’t be. And if that’s not enough to get asses in seats, have Spencer lose his arms and legs so he can fit back inside of the suit and fight evil aliens. Gotta give the kids something.

Paul F – SkullsForTots:

When something needs a sequal it’s because parts of the story were left unfinished. On that note, I say we need a sequal to the Apollo program.

We got to the moon in the 60s. Since then, while our personal technologies have advanced greatly, our exploration has gone to shit. Where is the first lunar colony? Who will be the first person to set foot on Mars? Why the hell are we shutting down NASA? Hoow fucking bent are these priorities?! GAHHHHHHH!

Juanan Brundle:

A new Jurassic Park 3.In the new version,the T-Rex rapes the Spino;the kid,his family and the idiot who steals the raptor eggs are killed by the baby Pteranodons,and a Cyborg Dennys Nedry is hidden somwhere in th island.He miraculouscly scaped from the Dilopho in Nublar,repaired himself using some incubator robot pieces and fusionated him with the security system of the island.

At the end,Alan Grant rides a fucking cyborg T-Rex.He’s alone,everybody is dead.And he becomes the new king of Sorna.

Redgs550e:

The Iron Giant Returns.
Hogarth is a grown man now with children of his own who longs to recapture the excitement of his youth and the adventures he had with The Iron Giant. Following clues gathered over the last two decades Hogarth, along ,with his son Clark attempts to locate his long lost friend but stumbles upon something he could have never expected that will change both our future and his past.

Monolith100:

Ghostbusters 3 vs Beetlejuice 2
The boys in grey face of against the ghost with the most in the Big “Rotten” Apple.

Lydia Deetz has grown up and moved to New York to persue her career as an artist/photographer, and Beetlejuice follows with his newly formed group of bio-exorcists called the “Peoplebusters” to bring her back. The four run amok in the city as a Sandworm starts riddling the streets and buildings with holes, dragging the Ghostbusters back our of blissful retirement to deal with the menace.

Ivan Reitman and Tim Burton co-directing, Danny Elfman’s rendition of “Who Ya Gonna Call?”, dogs and cats living together, mass hysteria!

OtherHalfofBattle:

Heroes Season 2 – redo everything starting with the first season finale. Have half the cast die fighting Sylar, especially Hiro. Start the second season with Mohinder finding new powered people, Peter disappearing using Hiro’s power and not showing up again until far into the season, Clare experimented on by the government and HRG, and Jeph Loeb shot into space, unable to communicate with the producers of Heroes or Marvel comics, while we’re at it.

Dancore:

Blade IV
HEAR ME OUT!!! Okay, look, the Blade series was fun, but it ended terribly. Blade 3 COULD’VE been a great movie, but they managed to screw it up. (How do you make Dracula so boring?) Plus, the vampire genre needs a serious shot in the arm after Twilight wussified it back to the stone age. So, let’s make it fun and violent again with another Blade flick. Now, how do we bring a kickass vampire hunter back?

Zombie apocalypse.

Think about it! What do vampires eat? Humans. What do zombies eat? Humans. Who does Blade protect? Humans. So imagine if there was a zombie outbreak in Blade’s universe. Vampires are running out of food, zombies are running amok during the daytime killing all their food, and Blade is trying to save the few humans that are left. Vampires killing zombies, zombies killing humans, and Blade killing them all. It’s a win-win-win.
Plus, Wesley Snipes could use the money.

Boss Fight:

‘Swamp Thing’ most definitely deserves a sequel. Don’t get me wrong, I liked ‘The Return of Swamp Thing’ well enough when I was nine but now would appreciate something different. Really different actually. Ideally, a straight faced horror movie with a solid R rating directed by David Fincher and Tarsem Singh.

The recent reboot of the comic is as good as place as any to start (spoilers?); Alec Holland (who will be played by Sean Bean) wakes up cold and naked in the swamp, back from the dead with (exposition friendly but conveniently vague) memories of being a long suffering plant monster. He tries to get on with his life only to be reminded of his responsibility to The Green when he’s assaulted by chainsaw wielding mutant zombies.

Abby Arcane (Gina Carano, who could easily rock white hair) shows up to take Alec on a road trip to hunt down a terminally ill boy who can make people blow up into cancer monsters and, given the opportunity, will bring about the end of all things. Hundreds of people die in really bad ways as The Rot builds an army, the Parliament of Trees burns, and Alec and Abby learn that life isn’t even a little bit fair.
Then Swamp Thing shows up and shit gets real.

More so than anything else, ‘Swamp Thing’ needs lots of style and atmosphere to work which is exactly what Fincher and Singh would provide; a persistent sense of impending doom, trippy dream sequences, hyper symbolic plant imagery, and, of course, horrific, splatterpunk violence involving a toddler faced flesh golem getting all stabby in a small town diner.

TrapJaw:

I want a Masters of the Universe sequel/reboot, damn it!
I want it to be a more mature re-imagining, entrenched more in sword-and-sorcery and pulp sci-fi and based more on the four old mini-comics rather than the overly-safe Filmation cartoon. Surgically remove the goofiness with a goddamn chainsaw and fifty pounds of dynamite. I want the villains to be evil and fucking terrifying (yes, even Mer-Man) and the heroes to be larger than life ass-kickers. I want He-Man to bet a strong and capable warrior that wields an axe and shield in battle and not a shitty, over-powered Billy Batson/Captain Marvel analogue. I want Skeletor to be a truly menacing villain, powerful, cunning and ruthless, and not an incapable whiner. I want Castle Grayskull to be a mysterious and terrifying edifice, the Power Sword to be an amazing relic that both sides partially possess, Battle Cat to be a giant, ferocious tiger that doesn’t talk, and Eternia to be the most awesome place ever, full of mystery, danger, and adventure.

All in all, what I want in a Masters of the Universe sequel/reboot is what they toys gave me when I was a kid–amazing and exciting adventures.

EyeballFrog:

Metroid Fusion
It’s been 10 years since the game came out, and we still don’t know what happens after that. Samus just blew up the Federation’s secret metroid breeding program (again, if you count Other M (which I’d prefer not to)) and blew up an entire planet. Not only is the Federation going to be pretty pissed off at her, but also she’s the only thing left with Metroid DNA. So we might see our good bounty hunter become the hunted.

Also, Samus presumably would like to get her suit back to the way it used to be, which gives her an excellent excuse to go poking around planets looking for items. So Samus’s goal in the game is to get her suit back in working order so she can fight back against the Federation forces pursuing her, and also purge herself of the Metroid DNA.

Ideally Retro Studios would be making this, seeing as they did a wonderful job with the Prime series. I’d really like if it were in 1st person view like Prime, but a 2.5D style like Donkey Kong Country Returns would be pretty kickass.

Gyran Gymble:

Fantasia.
Now stay with me here, I know that Fantasia 2000 paled in comparison to the original but apparently Walt Disney’s intention was to release a new Fantasia every year. Well my idea is that they not only change the music but also the animators and the genre each time.

This keeps the visuals looking fresh and
a) ensures that we don’t just keep on getting the mainstream classical music every time
b) shows the older generation that our music is more than “thumpa thumpa chikky chikky wa wa”
c) provides a hook for those who would not otherwise listen to instrumental and classical music. Preferring, as they do, the aforementioned “thumpa thumpa chikky chikky wa wa” leading to more people of all races, creeds and walks of life coming together watching the concert and finally leaving in brotherhood

PS: Odds are good that at some point you’ll get Led Zepplin accompanied by a philharmonic orchestra and closing the Concert with Stairway to Heaven. it will be awesome.

And now for the winners. Please remember, the contest was to “xplain why your subject needs a sequel, and summarize what the sequel would be.” I was looking for specific sequel ideas, and not just a list of things folks wanted a sequel to (because I could guess those on my own). With that said, here are possibly the best two sequel ideas from this week’s contest:

JeffJefftyJeff:

So, I’m a little hesitant to suggest this, because the original is pretty much a perfect movie and most likely the result of perfect storm of things going exactly right, but there’s been several good Star Trek movies, so here goes: What about another Galaxy Quest? How would it work? Well, one of the main concepts of the original movie was that the Thermians were basically the ultimate Trek fans. Well, one of the core experiences of Trek fandom is the eternal debate between Star Trek and Star Wars. So, for the sequel, you introduce another planet, a Romulus to the Thermians’ Vulcan. They, like the Thermians, don’t understand the difference between reality and fiction. However, instead of modeling themselves on Galaxy Quest, they model themselves on a Star Wars analogue, and view the Thermians as the Empire. So, hearing about how the Thermians’ were able to get a hold of their heroes, these new aliens do the same with theirs: a Mark Hamill type character who could never break away from his role, so he has decided to embrace it to an insane degree, eventually becoming a delusional villain intent on destroying what he sees as the Thermian Empire so that he can be the hero, and of course the only people who can both literally and figuratively bring him back down to Earth are the cast of Galaxy Quest. You could have Harrison Ford and Carrie Fisher characters. You could have a pissed off Peter Mayhew character who’s forever upset that he never said any actual lines. You could fill the whole movie with nods to both Star Trek and Star Wars. Done right, it could be a blast.

Arivalscientist:

Howard The Duck II——With the advances made in SFX technology you
could put Andy Serkis in a mo-cap suit and let it go baby!! And it
needs to be a hard ‘R’ picture with filthy dirty bird sex with a
gratuitously naked Beverly Switzler and a knock down drag out fight in
Iron Duck armor with the villianous Doctor Bong!!

Dream Cast:
Andy Serkis………….Howard The Duck
Kat Dennings………..Beverly Switzler
Nicolas Cage………..Doctor Bong

First of all, HOLY SHIT DOES GALAXY QUEST NEED A SEQUEL. JeffJefftyJeff’s idea of using it to parody Star Wars is nothing short of brilliant. Best of all, it’s a very clever sequel to what was already a very clever movie — bottom line, not only do I wish this movie were real, but it should be.

As for ArivalScientist’s entry, it might not be as thorough a summary as JeffJefftyJeff, but it still tells me what the sequel would be about: Andy Serkis as a CG Howard the Duck, in Iron Duck armor, fighting Nic Cage as a villain named Doctor Bong while Kat Dennings looks on. I repeat: “Nic Cage as Doctor Bong.” LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, I WANT TO SEE THAT MOVIE. And if you’re wondering if ArivalScientist got extra points for the degree of difficulty in making a good sequel to a horrible fucking movie, you’re goddamn right he did.

And that’s that. Congrats to the winners, and thanks to everyone who entered. Again, sorry these results were so late — I promise they’ll be on time next week, if only because this upcoming weekend’s contest is sponsored and I don’t want to irk my generous patrons.