In the re-release's honor, it seemed fitting to peek back not all the FPSes we all remember fondly desensitizing us to violence in the '90s, but instead the also-ran games in the genre. More specifically: Those less remembered titles' equivalent to Doom's legendary BFG 9000 (a.k.a. the "Big Fucking Gun 9000"). It was the ultimate weapon capable of demolishing almost anything onscreen -- including wayward horses -- but Doom wasn't the only game to grant first-person enthusiasts the ability to be nearly unstoppable. In short: Here are the very best, biggest weapons from games you probably don't remember.
11) Dark Staff, Rise of the Triad
Originally intended as a sequel to Wolfenstein 3-D -- developer Apogee was one of Wolfy's publishers in the early '90s -- 1995's Rise of The Triad really has nothing in common with it other than some enemies wearing Nazi garb. You play as an operative from the HUNT task force to investigate an evil cult in San Nicolas Island that has taken over a monastery. Don't be fooled into thinking this is some sort of work of historical fiction, though. Its BFG 9000 equivalent was the dark staff, an unimaginative wand that can fire seven deadly blasts that turns anything they touch into a pile of guts and eyeballs. Sadly, it's more powerful than the Excalibat, an enchanted baseball bat that fires off glowing baseballs, and even the hand of God. Side note: ROTT also had a dog mode, a flying mode, and monks.
10) Mechanical Arm, Rebel Moon
Rebel Moon is the greatest mid-'90s FPS series that never quite took off and has remained largely forgotten to this day. Therefore, to easily get across what made it special, a bit of shorthand is necessary: Imagine a much, much faster Dark Forces. To really understand what made it amazing though, you really need to see the game in action -- though, stupidly, it was only compatible with an obscure video card chipset, which prevented it from catching on (even though it garnered a sequel, a novelization, and a canceled-at-the-last-second PSX port). It's worth tracking down, though its ultimate weapon -- the mechanical arm -- doesn't really suggest that. It lets you take out enemies as quickly and economically as possible by not being a huge drain on your ammo.
9) Ankh, Killing Time
A 3DO-exclusive horror FPS that sold so pooly it was ported to the PC, PSX, Saturn, and then also remade for Mac and PC, Killing Time wasn't exactly a failure at its 1995 launch, it just didn't exactly catch on. You're set loose in a large estate in 1932 to track down the fabled water clock, which, according to the legends, isn't just some sort of diving watch. The enemies were truly bonkers, with evil cooks, crazy clowns, and ducks being the evil forces trying to stop you. The weapons are decidedly less imaginative, with the magical ankh being a funny-looking gun with wires on it that blasts flames for great crowd control. Ah, blasting clowns with a makeshift flamethrower -- does anything else better represent the Dirty Thirties?
8) Poo Gun, Gore Galore: The Breakout
Predating Postal and Conker's Bad Fur Day, Gore Galore was one of innumerable Wolfenstein clones made using the Pie 3D Game Creation System. Almost all of them are terrible. (Troubled Tower was also considered, but little other than its story involving a cappuccino-drinking protagonist who took self-defense classes in third grade could be found.) Gore Galore distinguished itself by being glue-sniffingly strange. You face ninjas, Maytag repairmen, and Hank Williams Jr. The best way to handle them all? With the poo gun, which is just a hose to spray diarrhea. Hey, it was a simpler time, and we had to get over Kurt Cobain's suicide any way we could.
7) Tracking Plasma Cannon, Wrath Of Earth
6) Flatulence, Rodger Ramrod
(The images for this game are super-duper NSFW and are here, if you want to see see them. Also, they're just terrible.) Alas, no discussion of '90s FPSes would be complete without acknowledging the existence of the X-rated first-person shooters. Somehow tons of these games escaped throughout the decade, and while Rodger Ramrod isn't necessarily the best of them, it's a great example of how stupid they were. You want to satisfy the royal queen, sexually, of course, and to do that you have to fight your way through levels like a cowboy stage, a space level, a "dyke" level... and a "fag" level (their words, not mine, no offense to anyone reading this). Anyway, your weapons are masturbating, urinating, and farting. Yup.