Quiznos would be a lot better if they didn't slather almost every sandwich in a gross sauce of some sort.
Quizno's, I think most people agree, is more awesome than Subway. But I'm not sure most people consciously understand why. Yes, the toasting of bread is great, and it's even better that Subway countered by offering it too, though what they call "toasting" still leaves a lot to be desired.
The real reason is that Subway still values its reputation as the healthy chain that made Jared thin. Whereas Quizno's throws bacon and extra prime rib on everything, then offers you a honey-mustard PUMP at the "pepper bar" to smother all of that in more fat and sugar. Their slogan ought to be, "Sandwiches don't have to be pussy healthy crap." Unless they still value those who are drawn in delusionally thinking there's less fat and carbs here than in a Big Mac; based on the info both chains provide, a regular Chicken Milano on wheat is about even with Mickey D's signature sandwich. Tastier, though. And it certainly shouldn't surprise you to learn that the "under 500" calories mentioned are in the small size, which nobody orders because it really is too damn small. (The one in the picture is certainly NOT a small as my local branch measures a small.)
My regular-size wholewheat roll glistens translucently with the two types of pesto spread on the Chicken Milano, which ought to be one of the healthier things on this menu, having neither bacon nor prime rib atop it. The fresh mozzarella genuinely feels fresh, soft rather than chewy, and with parmesan slices added as well, you can't exactly call this a low-fat item. But you can say it tastes better than the 'Way, which nobody refers to Subway as. Until now - let's get it hipster-trending, y'all, because the guy at the 'Bot says so.
The available side is Sun Chips, which is good news, but they're the new parmesan and herb flavor, which isn't. Because let's be honest - Sun Chips don't have flavors. They have salty, dehydrated dairy product sprinkled on them, and it all tastes the same. You might as well go for the Harvest Cheddar flavor, because every other version is just a bleached-out, blanded-down derivative of it.
Quizno's meat is a Russian Roulette crap shoot - when it's good, it's great, but on a bad day, your stomach might be taking the metaphorical bullet of all the gristly parts at once That's really more of a hazard with their beef than their chicken, but the chicken can come in the "soft 'n stringy" variety, which is good for mozzarella but not so good for bird breast. I got around 50/50 on this one, to which the solution is always more trips to the honey mustard pump (seriously, Subway, copy the "pepper bar" concept and sauce pumps. If you make all the unhealthy extra-topping liquids optional, you still get plausible deniability on the health thing).
I do have to call bullshit on the "seasonal lettuce blend," unless it's somehow always the season for the generic iceberg that everybody puts on everything. Don't give Taco Bell the idea that they can call one of their main five ingredients that, though I won't object if they start calling their "ground beef" a "seasonal meat blend" instead. Nor will I ask if it's duck season or wabbit season, or god forbid, anything else.
The one area where this chain really does save me calories, though, is in the drink department, because they have Diet Mountain Dew on tap. I can't NOT do the Dew when it's on offer, but I can downsize to diet, being more hooked on sugar substitutes in soda than even alcohol, arguably. But I do permit myself a single sip of the raspberry lemonade, which they present in a charming manner that looks homemade even if it isn't.
Now, bring back the screeching spongmonkeys in the ads, please.
Tags: Fast Food
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74 comments
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I think Rob already reviewed this one.
No, wait. On second thought, I'm pretty sure he didn't...
There are Subway locations everywhere in my town, and yet, I will drive the many miles to get a sandwich from the one Quiznos in a 50 mile radius. It just makes sense.
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R.I.P Topless Robot.
This is truly a sad day in bare breasted automaton history.
PS Dudley Dawson- I ran smack dab into Rosario Dawson at Comicon 2007. For that momen I was half a sandwich with her and she is prettier in real life than in the movies. :)
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Stop bitching about the lettuce people. You WATCH them make your sandwich.... tell them only a small amount of lettuce. I do it every time and never have a lettuce issue.
The only sandwich I like is when I'm in bed with Rosario Dawson on my left and Eva Green on my right.
@Dudley_DawsonPS Dudley Dawson- I ran smack dab into Rosario Dawson at Comicon 2007. For that momen I was half a sandwich with her and she is prettier in real life than in the movies. :)
@IamSamJackson @Dudley_Dawson I sir pledge my fealty to you. To have seen yonder maiden at such a close distance makes me believe that providence shines upon you. She has always been on #1 on my "If You Could Date Anyone" list.
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I don't know why everyone here hates Subway, i love it. Maybe the Canadian version is better then the US version? I mean the Quizno's here in Canada sucks...i have only had one sandwich from them and they didn't cook it enough so i basically ate a cold sandwich. But for the ultimate money shot for sandwiches here you have to go to Pita Pit. Fresh ingredients, fresh condiments and they cook the meat before putting them in the "pocket bread" which enhances the flavour.
@Canadian.Scott It largely depends on the franchise operator but most of them rip you off. You get the absolute minimum amount of meats and cheeses and they load you up on iceburg lettuce to the point where all you can taste is the bread and the lettuce. There's one in Hoschton (where modern anesthesia was invented) that's well run and I find it's worth stopping in at.
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My favorite "fast food" sandwich place is Firehouse. They steam their sandwiches so the bread getes soft, the meat is warmed, and the cheese gets all melty. having said that, this was a gun review. Seriously, I'm digging these food reviews. it's a nice break to all of the nerd rage (though there will inevitably be some nerd rage in the comments).
@Big.Jim.Slade yeah the "steaming bread" is what stops me from checking them out - well that and they're twice as expensive as the supermarket deli. Steamed bread loses both texture (so long as it's not stale to being with) and flavor but it does make it smell more fresh.
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Better than Subway. But then again everything manages to be better than subway. Seriously if I wanted a lettuce sandwich with a single morsel of meat in the center I would have specifically ordered that.
@vangald the generic super market deli sandwiches are usually superior and cheaper than Subway
@Gallen_Dugall @vangald last few months gas station chain around here speedway has been selling this sandwich brand 7th street deli that are damn good and affordable. Beats out subway by a wide margin but if I want a really good sub just gonna swing by jimmi johns anyway.
@FreeHat Oh yeah - I was real happy with Jimmy Johns when they first came to this area, but then they gave into local pressure and started offering only crap white breads. Seriously the worst thing about the deep south is that people do not appreciate, and actively oppose, good bread. Bread with flavor and nutritional value. It's impossible to get any bread around here that isn't really white bread, generally I have to bake my own as there isn't a decent bakery within reasonable driving distance - if your pumpernickel tastes like white bread it's crap and I aint buying it.
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What the fuck is this, how much were you paid to post it, and what is it doing on TR?
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@chefjmh Please check the history as Luke has been doing these things since the beginning. You can also read the comments to learn why your complaint is old and tired.
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Even if Quiznos wasn't moronically expensive for my sandwich needs (we have so many places in town that do them and do them cheaply and well), I'd still pass on them. Maybe it's just the one in my town, but no matter what sandwich I got from there (and I gave them a good few chances before I gave up), it came with the overpowering flavor of oregano all over it. As in I might as well should have just ordered an oregano sandwich. And toasted was never "toasted", it was a soggy mess.
And please, no spongmonkeys. That was the heralded start of my memory of businesses creating ads that made me like their product less.
I choose to believe this article was entirely satrical. The Quiznos sandwich I tried was a disgusting pile of sledge and the annoying JarJarian monkey things in the commercials only cemented my resolve to never give them my business. I can get better materials to make MANY sandwiches for cheaper at the Tom Thumb, anyway.
@starmanmatt1 I want to run through the comments and write down all the local sandwich shops that people prefer in case I'm ever near there!
And frankly, I like Subway. The ones here load on the meat and the toppings. By the time I walk out, I've got more than a $5 sandwich in my possession.
Our Quiznos is so terrible, they had to move locales to the edge of town to be able to afford the rent. The shopping plaza they used to be in had all the "high end" stores, but it should tell you something that people would rather eat at Sheetz (which is a gas station.)
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Meh, Quiznos isn't worth an article, in my opinion. East Coast Subs is where I go for my artery stuffing sandwich needs. I love their artichoke heart sandwich, and their fries are God's true purpose for the potato.
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I enjoyed reading this article in the avuncular tones of Charles Kuralt.
And Sun Chips are made of compressed sawdust, everybody knows that.
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@doctor_mindbender compressed sawdust and the bitter weepy tears of what's left of adam sandler's career.
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I haven't been back to a Quizno's since the time the kid asked me which kinds of cheese and mustard I wanted on my sandwich, then proceeded to charge me an extra two dollars.
I expressed a certain outrage that they felt comfortable charging the roughly two hundred dollars for a gallon jar of mustard as dispensed one squirt at a time.
Still haven't forgiven them.
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@James.k.Polk My significant other is embarrassed when I ask if something extra costs extra. But it's an essential survival tool - the worst is when waiters ask kids if they want more, and then the parents end up paying for extra.
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@LYT @James.k.Polk OK, but I am in sales. So I know the difference between asking if someone wants an add-on which costs extra and asking Which Option a person wants.
One is an invitation to upsell. The other is not. Charging a buck extra for mustard? Is that really defensible?
@James.k.Polk@LYTThis conversation reminds me of the time I was chewed out by my manager at Taco Bueno for making two tiny little cups of guacomle to take home instead like I had pelted the customers with stale tortilla shells.Didn't help he sounded like Mr. Mackey from South Park.
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I asked the Quizno's guy if they had a chicken parmigiana sandwich or something similar. This is what he sold me on. He was wrong.
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also - totally disagree on the sunchips - the best flavor they ever made was peppercorn so naturally they took that away; the salsa one isn't too bad. salty and crispy, just how i like my souls...
@Dudley_Dawson @Gallen_Dugall @DrAbraxas yes, in fact it is the most deadly substance known to vampires... for example the vampire could choke on it... or it could get lodged in their mouth in such a way that the vampire could no loner bite and therefore would starve... oh the list goes on and on
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@LYT @DrAbraxas it was like six years back; man did they only release that at the east coast? should have stocked up, along with the chocolate filled twinkies.
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@skrag2112 You're Going To Jail, Charlie Brown!...Because you have terminal cancer that metasticized in your brain & possibly could have caused this behavior in the first place. Yeahhhh...That kinda made me stop laughing for a bit.
@skrag2112 I posted that one earlier on the Twitters and Facebook page - occasionally some exclusive stuff there just to make 'em worthwhile.
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@DrAbraxas God how I've missed you Braxy. I don't come around as often as I should... Thank you for adding more entertainment than this "article" ever could.
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@DrAbraxas @skrag2112 @Gallen_Dugall well at least that would provide some explanation for it
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@skrag2112 @Gallen_Dugall @DrAbraxas it's the great pumpkin, charlie brown, as nazi parable
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@skrag2112 @DrAbraxas then he gets a swastika tat on his arm; then schroeder starts playing some wagner.
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@DrAbraxas @skrag2112 He'll probably end up joining the Aryan Brotherhood. He already looks like a skinhead.
