While the new Lego Marvel Super Heroes game announced today was a nice surprise, it wasn’t totally unexpected – Lego tends to make the most of their licensed properties, after all, maximizing their revenue and (usually) our fun. But being control freaks -usually in a good way, let us note – they have very specific criteria for what makes a good licensed property for them.
If we had our way, that’s the one thing we’d change. Why must Lego only go after massively popular, kid-friendly properties? Nintendo used to say the same thing, then the whole Mortal Kombat sweat debacle woke them up quickly. In the spirit of impropriety, and regardless of what any parent in their right mind might think, there are some licensed Lego games we’d love to see – some of which will almost certainly happen, while others are longshots and some are just out of the question in any kind of real-world marketplace. But since Lego is an avatar of the imagination, we’re letting ours run wild. Come throw one of these numbers on the fictional console…
5. Lego Texas Chainsaw Massacre.
Lego toys were responsible for our very first acts of dismemberment. The Texas Chainsaw movies were, for many, the very first time to see dismemberment on the screen. And “Legoface” is too obvious a pun to resist. Scatter minifig bodies far and wide in this one, then rebuild them into furniture. Plus get John Larroquette to narrate again.
4. Lego Twilight.
Finally, a way to make this particular franchise appeal to everybody. Fans can just take their hands off the controllers to duplicate their favorite movie scenes in which Bella and Edward stare at each other for ages. Non-fans can go through every scene and character created by Stephenie Meyer and smash the entire thing to pieces. There’s also no need for a cheat code – play as Alice and hit the left joystick to get a vision of how you already won the game in the future. Then do exactly what it says.
3. Teenage Mutant Lego Turtles.
This one’s pretty much an inevitability, since it’s a license Lego actually has that is perennially popular. What we’d like to see in it, specifically, is an Eastman/Laird tribute level made entirely of black and white bricks.
2. Lego Saw.
Build and customize your own death traps, then escape them by popping off your own legs…and putting them back on once you’re free. Bonus flashback levels allow you to take the game in a PG direction, as Jigsaw trades out his cancer-afflicted body for a new one, and continues a happy career as a father and toymaker. Help him use his talents for good in designing elaborate-yet-safe pinball machines!
1. Lego Back to the Future.
As soon as Lego announced that they would cater to fan wishes and obtain this license, calls for a video game followed, and we echo them. Include levels from the entire trilogy and have characters cross over – Old West ZZ Top minifigs can combat high-school administrator Huey Lewis and Marvin Berry in a battle of the plastic bands. As a special licensing crossover bonus, have the actual Darth Vader be an unlockable character to face off against his alter-ego from “Planet Vulcan” in a podracer versus flying DeLorean contest.