1 Like
Maybe just stop posting these shitty Top 10 articles all together, you guys are obviously not good at it. Especially the ranking.
And I don't even like Forrest Gump...
sean_emmett
The Oscars allegedly honor the best in the movie business - that's what they say, anyway, and we'll go with it for now. But very few people start off great out of the gate; in a business that everybody's dying to break into and the next paycheck is never a guarantee, most of the industry's finest make questionable choices at some point. And when they finally hit the pinnacle of their careers, that's when smartasses like me show up to remind them of said choices. Here are ten that we can't necessarily blame them for taking money to make, but we can warn you never, ever to subject yourself to them. Besides, Oscars are all anybody's talking about at the moment, so we might as well have some fun with it.
10. Man of the House, starring Tommy Lee Jones.
Jones, in full-on hardass mode, plays a Texas ranger forced to go undercover as a cheerleading coach in order to protect five witnesses who just happen to be bubble-headed cheerleaders. He is made to move in with them, and hilarity does not ensue. Note to movie producers: If a script contains a gag in which someone shoves his hand up a cow's asshole, do us all a favor and just don't make the movie. Even if you are hiring the director of Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure.
9. Forrest Gump, starring Sally Field.
Because fuck Forrest Gump. That is all.
8. Revolutionary Road, shot by Roger Deakins (Best Cinematography nominee for Skyfall).
Deakins is a cinematographic god who has helped make the Coen brothers what they are today by consistently bring the best visuals to match their wit, but that doesn't mean you should see every movie he's done. While he and Sam Mendes had great success with Skyfall, their prior team-up featured Titanic costars Leonardo DiCaprio and Kate Winslet as unhappy newlyweds, something nobody wanted to see (in broadly stereotypical terms: guys never wanted them to reteam at all and girls didn't want them to reteam unhappily). Especially during a mortgage crisis and financial meltdown, a movie about how married people who own their own homes are in fact tragically oppressed by societal roles was not the right way to go.
7. Tooth Fairy, costarring Seth MacFarlane (writer of the lyrics for Best Original Song nominee "Everybody Needs a Best Friend").
Getting MacFarlane on this list wasn't easy; as much as he irritates some people, he hasn't done that many movies. But he was in the one where Dwayne The Rock Johnson becomes a tooth fairy, and that'll do it.
6. The Twilight Saga: New Moon, scored by Alexandre Desplat (nominated for Argo).
He's looking at you, Beavis. He's going "uhhh, I like what I see"
I'll give this to the second Twilight movie: it actually tried to be cinematic about a book in which nothing happens and the ending is achieved by a character predicting what the ending will be. And Desplat, a talented composer, doesn't exactly get a chance to shine working on part of a series for which mediocre pop songs are a soundtrack staple. But how can we not put a Twilight film on this list? Shockingly, it isn't even the worst Kristen Stewart movie herein.
1 | 2 | Next Page >>
Tags: Academy Awards, Bad Movies
More links from around the web!
105 comments
1 Like
Alice in Wonderland was suppose to be the sequel "Through the Looking Glass". But that's okay you probably don't read much cause your too busy critique movies you know nothing about...
I thought Alice in Wonderland was awful from the trailer. And even after watching it, I was still disappointed. I'm guessing people went to see it for the 3D, even though the 3D was just okay. Tim Burton also did an incredibly lousy job with Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. The original Gene Wilder Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory was far superior. Tim Burton had decent ideas back then. Now's he's not so good on making worthwhile pictures. He reached his peak with The Nightmare Before Christmas. He's been on the decline for a while now.
2 Like
What a horrid article, it lacked wit, humor, intelligence and it makes no effort to even try to present a logical point. When I think of how this must have been decided upon I see a bunch of monkeys forced to sit in a line in front of a wall with ideas for articles written on it throwing their own feces at it for the pleasure of their topless robot overlords. Any other explanation would involve an exaggeratedly low IQ and huffing spray paint in the office supply closet.
3 Like
Oh. And Fuck Forest Gump? That, my good sir or madam, is an insult to an honestly good movie. Where are my gloves so that I may track you down and slap you?
Kristin Stewart.
I have nothing against that girl, honestly -- but her acting flat out sucks. Oh, wait. What acting? The baby boy I babysit puts more emotion in crapping his diaper than Kristin puts into any of the movies she's unfortunately been cast into.
Alice in Wonderland wasn't bad.
@AmaryllisComplex
No, no it was. Trust us, Alice in Wonderland was bad. Objectively, scientifically bad.
Surviving Christmas and Reindeer Games are actually pretty good Ben Affleck Christmas movies. There is nothing wrong with them. Ring Two did suck and was one of many rungs to get off the Naomi Watts track. Revolutionary road was boring and not even the allure of seeing Kate Winslet nude again could get me see it. And Man of the House was pretty good Tommy Lee Jones and cheerleader what could go wrong.
9 Like
Fuck Forrest Gump? I come here for some nerd news and I get "Fuck Forest Gump" ? Look, it's not hard. If you want me to keeping coming to the nerd website I've been coming to for years, you have to write smarter than I am. "Fuck Forrest Gump" is a phrase that could easily sum up everything I detest about where nerd culture has been slumming. It's not just a statement out of touch with my interests, but even as a joke, it's not funny due to it's lack of effort. Here is my impression of this: "Fuck Snoopy. Yeah, I said that shit, pay me. It's edgy, right? Fuck Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure and so on because why would I think anyone might have an affection for this material? Why write intelligently?" Point is, I haven't always agreed with a lot of the cynicism on this site, but I could never dispute that I at least respected where the oppositions were coming from. Fuck Forrest Gump? You owe Forrest Gump a big fucking apology and it better sound genuine.
4 Like
And.... I have made my last visit to this website, which was once upon a time my favorite. Nerd-baiting with Forrest Gump? I have been waiting for some goddamn nerd news since you took over and you absolutely suck at delivering. A shitty list like this belongs on Rotten Tomatoes or Metacritic. And.... I'm done.
1 Like
Ladies Man was NOT that bad a movie, though Forrest Gump remains one of the most over rated pieces of schlock I have ever had the misfortune of seeing.
6 Like
Dude, unfuck Forrest Gump right now.
And I don't want to be that guy, but I'm really running out of reasons to keep coming to this site. You really want to argue that Mirror Mirror was better than Snow White and the Huntsman? ARE YOU SERIOUS!?
I miss Rob more every day. He's was a nutjob but at least he had good taste.
1 Like
@jason.huck.hinshaw I'll be that guy. Fuck Forrest Gump? Fuck him for ruining my favorite website.
4 Like
@DisasterpieceMRK @jason.huck.hinshaw This list really isn't of the quality that I expect from Topless Robot.
I don't necessarily disagree with the choices on it - I probably agree with most of them - but the whole thing comes across as very lazy, and even worse, written without any real wit.
The great thing about Le Brick was that he could go on a rant without coming across as just another bitter keyboard-jockey, mostly because of the absurdist humour he injected. This list badly needs a sprinkle of something similar.
nice given all the movies that could have made the cut. nice picks including daring to risk the wrath of twilight fans by putting a twilight film on this list. and have to agree that ladies man is where snl trying to get more comedy out of some of their scetches besides the one with will farrel and chris katan as their old swinger characters in night of the roxbury
@scortia @demoncat_4 good for hate for luke to wind up having to way through messages from twilight fans screaming that some dared to think the saga sucked.
4 Like
Fuck Forrest Gump?! No. No. Fuck you. (Well, not really, but c'mon man, that's a great movie.)
Also, as bad as Surviving Christmas was, it gave us James Gandolfini in a checked shirt and a Santa hat, making bears across the world oh so very happy.
3 Like
"Fuck Forrest Gump"? Really? I thought this was a great idea for a list but then you had to go and do that. FG isn't exactly cinematic gold, but its certainly a cinematic classic.
@Tanath Crappiest movie made. Just an excuse to use CGI BADLY to put Tom Hanks next to historical personages. Its just plain awful.
1 Like
I dont either-- its not the worst movie of all time-- Thats reserved for Black Swan (how can a movie with a lesbian scene between Natalie and Mila be that godawful), but its not good either
But the movie was overhyped and just stupid from concept to execution. Its great that a moron isthe basis for our entire american history for the past 30 years.
3 Like
@Tanath I had no idea that "because fuck Forrest Gump" was a thing now.
If only there were a newsletter or something that could let me know which things people used to like that we are all supposed to despise now.
2 Like
@James.k.Polk @Tanath If you're basing your likes or dislikes on the rest of us, we're going to make a fake version of the newsletter just for you.
Yeah. Big Fish was decent... but most Burton fanatics ignore it exists all while praise shit like this Wonderland farce.
Though maybe Sweeny Todd wasn't bad. It seemed like a decent presentation of the music.. but I could be wrong.
Still.. Burton is pretty far gone. And not in a good way. His movies are pretty mediocre and his style is pretty overrated.
Oh and I still hate what he did with Batman Returns. I think it's as bad as the Schumacher ones. Maybe even worse than Forever. I think he somehow ruined Catwoman and Penguin worse than what Schumacher did to Riddler and Two-Face.
6 Like
The Forst Gump thing made me laugh out loud, mostly because I knew before even reading the comments there would be a ton of "WTF?!?!" posts. I was not disappointed. Ya'll are awesome.
1 Like
@Lithroe I know. A ton of people go ballistic because "you can't say that! They'll send the Confederates after us!" and a handful of us are just going "yep. We're with ya"
This comment has been deleted
@rumjigglerCalm down...the PTA is not disbanding.
[IMG]http://i.imgur.com/2DQB5.gif[/IMG]
4 Like
As others have said in the comments, Forrest Gump does not belong in this list. Like it or not, it's a work of love, well made, and entertaining.
1 Like
@Nicnac Does being a work of love guarantee a good movie? If you don't like a movie, how is it entertaining to you? It is an opinion piece. If he doesn't like/hates the movie, then why can't it be in his list of worst movies tied to Oscar nominees?
1 Like
@JuliusGryphon @Nicnac Except he doesn't even give any legit reasons as to why it's bad, just 'Fuck Forrest Gump'.
@JuliusGryphon @super-staff @Nicnac That so many in the comments are picking on that one selection says what I need to to answer your questions. This is a site with an audience. Items in a list can be agreed or disagreed with but in the end, they have to be valid to that audience. Forrest Gump does not belong with the garbage in the rest of this list.
@super-staff @Nicnac Well, I do agree you have a bit of a valid point there. Then again, there isn't a lot of validation to any of the entries on this list. It only bothers people when they disagree with the conclusion. Did he really give legitimate reasons why Man of the House is bad? No, but I doubt very many people are upset about that.
2 Like
@Nicnac Exactly. And how is Snow White and the Huntsman worse than the Tooth Fairy and Surviving Christmas?
