4. Ernest P. Worrell
This genius has been around since 1981, and nobody ever thought to make him a video game. A bumbling redneck, who managed to piss off everyone around him and was all but impervious to pain, was ignored in favor of letting us control the Domino's Noid. Because if there's one thing kids need to be reminded of through blatant advertising, it's that pizza is good.
An Ernest game would likely continue the Wayne's World and 7-Up tradition of taking a character without a real central conflict, and shoehorning him into one. The ever-tormented Vern would finally snap, having had it up to here with Ernest's shit. He would then send an army of ninjas and robots and other random enemies to destroy him; luckily, he had robots and ninjas in his basement, just waiting to be used for something. Ernest must fight them off, as well as his brainwashed family members (Video Game Logic also dictates that brainwashing is easier to pull than handwashing,) culminating in a showdown with the now-evil Vern.
Amazingly, nobody would have had to invent a cockamamie weapon for Ernest to yield, since he has one already built-in; thanks to his failed electrocution in Ernest Goes To Jail, he can shoot lightning from his fingers, like the world's stupidest Sith Lord. Yes, he can actually do that, which is why he works as a janitor at the beginning of every movie. Fingertip lightning bolts, bah! How could anyone make money with such a worthless skill?
3. The Lost Boys
The idea of playing an atrocious game based on a horror movie is not new at all. Jason and Freddy got games, after all, and so did Jekyll and Hyde. And yet the poor Lost Boys have been ignored to this day. They could've made a tie-in game within nanoseconds of the film's release, simply by doing what Back To The Future did. Remember how fun it was, running up the street and crashing into everything, with no real control over your character, hoping to make it to the end before the world's fastest clock expired? We'd totally be up for another round of that!
In the Lost Boys case, your character has been bitten, and is on his way to becoming a full-fledged vampire. Despite current youth literature attempting to convince us otherwise, it's no fun at all being a vampire. Unlike Robert Pattinson, they don't skip off sparkling into the night with the one they love. More likely, they end up like Jack Bauer; impaled and dead.
You probably wouldn't want that so, in a Lost Boys game, you would need to find and kill all the head vampires in time; if you don't, then full vampire you become. And worry you not; the timer would be as speedy as humanly possible, and you would get to crash into absolutely everything on your way to the vampire's lair. After all, if you're gonna make a game, you gotta go all out.
2. The Cosby Show
They pulled off a Home Improvement game, so why not Bill Cosby? Obviously, some liberties would need to be taken with the storyline, since it's a fucking sitcom and all. With Improvement, they had Tim Allen running around various evil movie studios, in search of a special tool that had gone missing. A Cosby Show game would require something just as silly, because a game about the day-to-day-life of being a father and husband would go nowhere. Unless there were ample cutscenes featuring The Coz making stupid faces, which would be worth the $60 on their own.
In the show, Cosby was a doctor. So there's your theme; somebody has stolen all of his medical instruments, and you have to get them back in time for normal business hours. Scour the entire city, which is suddenly loaded with random animals and people who want you dead. Fight them off with your magical Ugly Cosby Sweater Of Doom (or packs of Jell-O pudding, whichever's more believable,) and go toe-to-toe with the evil master thief.
Who might that be though? Cosby didn't exactly have mortal enemies in the show ... so ... um ... aliens? Sure, why not? Aliens that want Dr. Cliff Huxtable to go out of business, so all of humanity gets sick and dies, allowing them to effortlessly invade and conquer the world. Luckily, Bill Cosby plays the only doctor on planet Earth; otherwise, this plan would've been just plain stupid.
Of all the missed opportunities that we would've scooped up by the bazillions, regardless of how botched the actual product was, this one is perhaps the most glaring. If you're a pop-culture geek, there's a 99% chance you adore Weird Al Yankovic. The remaining 1% were traumatized by an accordion squeezing onto their heads when they were babies, so you can't blame them too much.
For once, you'd barely have to deviate from the movie at all. Al is in danger of losing his beloved television station and, through a series of mini-games based on the wacky shows he and his friends create, you attempt to raise enough money to buy the station for yourself. The set-up would likely do what The Three Stooges did, and have all the TV shows be mini-games that you successfully complete in order to garner higher ratings and, therefore, more money.
And if the Stooges could technically do it, so could Al. We can totally see ourselves controlling Al in a rubber Rambo suit, shooting enemy soldiers until they literally explode. Or a stage devoted to Stanley Spadowski running around and shooting as many children with the Fire Hose as humanly possible. Shit, you could even include "Raul's Wild Kingdom," where your goal is to toss all the small creatures out the window, garnering extra points if any of them bounce. Not only would this idea have worked, it'd be educational too. Children everywhere would learn that, no matter what you do, and no matter what others might say, animals do not bounce.