Nine Things Nerds Should Consider Giving up for Lent

By James Daniels in Daily Lists
Monday, March 11, 2013 at 6:00 am

3. Facebook

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I've already advised against giving up the Internet altogether, and I meant it. We've become too dependent on it, nerds particularly: At this point, it'd be like asking someone to give up their telephone, or cancel their mail service for six weeks. It's unrealistic. However, there are certain things online you can live without (kinda), temporarily. Think you could stomach 46 days free of status updates, pokes, dubious news links and Farmville?

Hey, there's always Twitter, Tumblr, and - if you're truly desperate - Google Plus.
(P.S. Giving up Facebook for Lent AFTER signing up for the "Sacrifice-A-Day" Facebook service mentioned in the intro is kind of a dick move)

2. Caffeine

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This one hits me where I live: I actually gave up coffee for Lent in my teens....it wasn't pretty - and I'm not exactly a ray of sunshine even when I have had my morning fix of sweet, nourishing caffeine. Seriously, mess with my daily intake of Colombian jitter-juice, and I WILL go "spider monkey" on your ass.

I WAS just going to limit this to coffee - out of pity for my fellow caffeine-fiends. But I was reminded of all the other sources of the evil chemical that are popular with our community: Red Bull, Monster, five dozen other energy drinks that taste like carbonated Robitussin, and - of course - our revered Mountain Dew....To be honest, not only was I aware of this, I was COUNTING on it.

What can I say? I'm weak.

1. Snark

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Imagine this: For six weeks, whenever you go online and read an article about how Twilight is the greatest achievement in the history of American Literature, or see a comment on a forum stating that Michael Bay's Transformers films were a profound and sublime interpretation of an insipid cartoon - you have to keep your mouth shut (figuratively).

That's right, NO SNARK. No mocking the stupid and clueless, no trashing the ridiculous opinions of the tasteless and superficial. No witty cut-downs or criticisms - online or IRL. Did someone post a link to your Facebook page about faking the moon landing? You gotta let it go. Did yet another novel based on some emo douche or obsessed fangirl's erotic fanfic make the best-seller list? You can't say a thing. Of course you don't have to agree with everyone and everything, but would you really just stop at: "I respectfully decline to accept your viewpoint, Sir or Madam"? You KNOW that if you open your mouth (or start typing a comment), your nerd instincts will take over, and before long you'll be long past the issue of whatever movie or book you were discussing, and knee-deep in wild suppositions about legitimacy of this individual's parentage, the illegal substances his mother partook in during pregnancy, and his predilection for anonymous fellatio with multiple partners.

If there is a geek out there with the willpower and piety to achieve this sacrifice, then we just might get our very first Nerd Pope. I hear they're taking applications.


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