The Ten Best Ways Other Brad Pitt Characters Would Deal With a Zombie Apocalypse

By Luke Y. Thompson in Books, Movies, Video Games
Tuesday, June 4, 2013 at 6:00 pm

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I suppose I could have made this a daily list, but would have felt like cheating. With ten winners - all of whom get a World War Z iOS game download code - there's no need for honorable mentions. In no particular order, then...

1. iamtoddmorris

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2. Canadian.Scott

In what would make for a great Asylum movie title, Jesse James vs The Zombies. Jesse and his gang rob a stage coach and run off to a small town, amongst the booty one of gang discovers a mysterious package and opens it releasing a zombie virus in 1800s wild west. As he is a ruthless bandit, Jesse will take the zombies head on and inevitably win and in a great twist in the end, will be bitten and killed by the coward Robert Ford.

3. chaoswept

Tyler Durden would live on the outskirts of the haven city, illegally running a fight club where "normies" fight the undead. In his office he would have Helena bonham Carter's and Meatloaf's heads in fish tanks. When not running his extremingy lucrative club, he would be boiling down zombie fat and making soap to sell to the haven city elite. This soap slowly turns the elite into zombies, prompting an epidemic inside the haven. While the city is overrun, Tyler would stand on a roadtop and cackle before blowing a hole in his head, revealing he is NOT Tyler Durden, but is in fact Ed Norton, and this destruction of the last remnants of society is his dark revenge for not been cast in The Avengers.

4. perc2100

As Rusty from OCEAN'S 11-13, he would be constantly eating fattening food, would see zombies eating humans, and would think, "fuck it maybe we're yummy" and joins the zombies eating humans. The zombies don't see to care, so Rusty spends the remainder of the crisis eating humans as a means to try to satiate his obvious oral fixation. In a twist no one sees coming, Livingston Dell ends up shooting Rusty, thinking Rusty was a zombie (not surprisingly, Livingston still can't deal blackjack cards)

5. Galb

Tyler Durden, needing to breathe new life into his Fight Club, begins recruiting the undead as new combatants for those that have found that the current club model to be lacking a new and exciting challenge. This proves to be a stroke of genius on his part, for the zombies can neither break rules one or two.

6. ComradeDread1

Mickey O'Neill and his family survive the zombie apocalypse fairly well, being used to living in caravans, roaming from place to place, and being armed enough to hold off a small third world nation's military. He and his mates travel from place to place killing zombies and looting.
Surprisingly successful, he grows bored of shooting zombies and starts beating them back to death with his bare hands. Mickey eventually settles in London, taking over Buckingham Palace, where he currently reins as king and regularly holds feasts for his subjects where he engages in the new sport of zombie boxing.
He is currently 32-1.
The loss was a forfeit after he refused to punch zombie Queen Elizabeth.


7. Timely-Tardis-Lego

The curious infection of Benjamin Button

Benjamin is turned into a zombie, for awhile, he fit's in just fine, but slowly, he reverts back into a human. Trapped in a Zombie body, trying to regain his lost humanity while trying to stay away from the urge to devour.

Eventually, he falls in love with Zombie hunter, and the ruined remains of the military find out about a Zombie turning human. Believing his blood is the key to a cure, the army's head of R&D lis out to let nothing get in his way to capture Button and Dissect him. Also, I've never seen Benjamin Button, or a Movie with Brad Pitt in it, so I'm probably wrong on what happens in that movie

8. aklaws41

As Achilles, he would scythe his way through the hordes of zombies. None would be left in his wake. He would even be able to carry on a side affair with a woman who looks amazingly like Angelina Jolie (maybe she IS). While not fighting off the zombies, they would walk peacefully through gardens. This would be followed by passionate lovemaking.
Achilles would unfortunately meet his fate when a Frenchman haphazardly tossed a toothpick in his path. The toothpick would strike his one vulnerability, killing him. Without their champion, the rest of humanity crumbles. Somewhere, a Jennifer Aniston looking zombie gets a rotten toothed grin on its face for some inexplicable reason.

9. ridureyu

Louis is a vampire, so he wouldn't have to worry about zombification. He would, however, be so depressing that even the zombies would leave him alone.

10. SlyDante

"Guy at Beach with Drink" from Hunk would get killed by the zombies & no one would notice until about ten years later, when people suddenly consider his rotting remains to be notable for some reason.

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