Bowser Backpack and Shirt Winner

By Luke Y. Thompson in Merchandise, Video Games
Wednesday, August 14, 2013 at 6:02 pm

The winner is jonap, with two entries that were both hilarious.

First, this...

Quentin Tarantino´s "The Super Mario Brothers".

1985.

A black Mercedes Benz crawls through the crowded streets of shibuya. Inside there are three young fellas, two white guys in black suits - one sits in the front, he is good looking with fluffy long hair (Luigi: Ryan Gosling), the other one sits in the backseat and looks like a caged beast (Mario: Joaquin Phoenix) - and their japanese driver Yoshi (Steven Yeun).

Yoshi with a very thick japanese accent: Shit man, I can´t believe I´m riding with the Mario brothers, that´s so superman!

Luigi: [Smiles] It´s Marioni, not Mario.

Mario [while looking out of the window]: Technically it ain´t Marioni either. Only a retard would go ´round the world killin´ people with his real name.

Luigi: I know where this is going...

Mario and Luigi at the same time: James Bond is code name.

Mario: Damn right it is, how else could he be a secret spy if he goes telling his fucking name to every fucking person he meets?

Luigi: Sure thing man. I think you´ve hanging with Joe´s kid too much.

[Yoshi laughs]

Mario: What´s so fuckin´ funny?

Luigi: Don´t mind him little buddy.

Yoshi [noticeably scared]: Bushitsukede sumimasen.
Mario: Grow a pair faggot.

Luigi: Tell me Yoshi, who is this Kong guy anyway?

Yoshi: Kong is the biggest, baddest, blackest motherfucker to ever come out of Sierra Leone...

Luigi: And why does "The Dragon Turtle of Yokohama" wants him dead?

Yoshi: Two weeks ago that Donkey Kurombo, stormed Daimaio Kuppa´s favorite yukaku, and raped Momo-san, his favorite girl.

Mario: Shit! Boy, you make us fly all the fuckin´ way to monkey land ´cause some crazy ape has been dickin´ Big Daddy´s whore? I mean, how fuckin´ hard can it be to spot a big ass nigger in this sea of mushroom heads anyway? Aren´t you guys all fuckin´ ninja and shit?

Luigi [turns around and look at Mario]: Have you finished or are you going to bark all day like a bitch? Remember the threshold man, you don´t want to fuckin´cross it!

Mario: You know, fuck this! I´m out, call me if you need to do some real work.


And then this...

blomkampmario.jpg

Good work, everyone!

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