Comic Con Exclusive Thunderbolts, Transformers, Evil Dead 2 Winners

By Luke Y. Thompson in Toys
Friday, August 2, 2013 at 10:00 am

Winning the Evil Dead 2 Ash is richardschneideriii, who went through a whole bunch of shit to make his entry.

I have never been to CC but have always aspired to go and cringe every year it comes around because I know I will not be going that year. I have had an amazingly terrible experience at a car show before, thats the most crowded event I could think of. Well, the lines for the bathroom were huge and there was no was I was going to wait in line after shelling out $50 and already waited in line just to step on the showroom floor. Pretty sure it wasn't even twenty minutes of walking around that i could feel my stomach knotting and twisting as a major number two was announcing itself. I immediately left my group of friends to hit a bathroom or wait in line until I crapped myself. Well, I didn't even get to the line before my bowels started to move and push out a massive crap that broke into pieces and fell down my pant leg. I was frozen in the middle of the showroom with hundreds of people all around me and poop falling down my pant legs. Thank God nobody knew what had happened, I just needed to shuffle slowly to the bathroom and hope to salvage a cleanup. I didn't get two shuffles into my plan until I felt tapping on my back and as I slowly turned around, I saw a small child holding a piece of my poop saying "s'cuse me mister, I think you dropped this."
I was in utter shock until the kids parents turned to the child and saw what he was holding. WTF! was screamed by the father as I let out into a sprint toward the exit, fecal matter shooting out of my pants with each stride. no cleanup was in my immediate future and I had to wait outside in the cold for almost 2 hours waiting for my friends to finish and give me a ride home, to which I had to tell them what happened and got made fun of for smelling like shit the whole way home and still hear about it to this day. I would hope my CC experience would be much better and any prize would make telling this story on the internet worth while. Thanks Topless Robot, my fav website!

Winning the Transformers is Galb, because even though pandering doesn't usually work with me, I love the idea that a toddler will tear the package open and play with them.

My best experience will go as follows, because I have never been, and probably never will go:
I will enter the Toplessrobot contest for some toys from Comicon. I will, against all hope in hell, win. I will be sent the Transformers toys in the mail, and upon receiving them, I will do the unthinkable. I will...OPEN THE BOX! (collectors may scream "NOOOOOOOOOOOO!" at the top of their lungs now). Upon freeing the figures, I will then give them to my 2 1/2 year old, and we will play with these glorious representations from my childhood. Eventually, I will relinquish all of them to my daughter, who can play with them as she sees fit, because dammit, toys are meant to be played with, not stay in their cardboard and cellophane prisons.
I will then sit back in my chair, tap my finger tips together, and laugh manically as I know somewhere, the tears of a collector are flowing. I may or may not also eat a sammich at this time.

Winning the Thunderbolts is TheBloodyAwfulPoet, for being a role-model of self-improvement.

Worst convention: my first comic con was a small local one when I was about 17. Before that, I'd always made fun of the stereotypical con-goer that gives us all a bad name: fat, sweaty, smelly, unkempt, etc. As I started to walk around the extremely small venue (room for about 20 vendors total), I started sweating profusely. I initially blamed it completely on the fact that this was south Texas in the middle of August. About 15 minutes in, I stopped at a table and I was filling out an entry card for some contest. As I was bent over the dealer's glass case, filling out the card, I started literally dripping sweat on the glass. That was too much embarrassment and discomfort for me. I didn't even finish the card. So, within 20 minutes of my arrival, I left.

I realized that I was that con-goer I'd always made fun of. So, over the next three months I hit the gym and dieted and proudly lost 60 lbs to get myself into "only slightlyoverweight" rather than the "obese" I'd become. Nearly 17 years later, I'm proud to say that I've managed to keep most of that off.Best: this year I travelled to a much larger con (Comicpalooza in Houston). A woman I'd just started seeing went with me. She's not a big comic fan, but she accepted when I asked. She stood in line with me for two hours just to get inside the building, and then an hour each in the lines for George Perez (unbelievable awesome guy) and Chris Clatemont (also very cool, kind of depressing that he was by himself, no assistant, with a little plastic cup for $1 bills for autographs). The line thing is usually the type of thing that I hate and have no patience for, but my date made it bearable. After, she admitted that she didn't so much enjoy the con as she did waiting around with me all day. That day helped me realize what an incredible woman she is and I'm glad to say we're still seeing each other

Winners, please email me your mailing addresses.

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