Felicia Day's Rock Jocks Winners

By Luke Y. Thompson in DVDs, Video Games
Thursday, August 29, 2013 at 5:45 pm

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Because there are five DVD prizes to this contest, we'll dispense with the honorable mentions and just go straight to the five winners.

Your assignment was to come up with a nerdy comedy loosely inspired by a video game, in the same way that Rock Jocks seems very loosely inspired by Asteroids. Not all of you did explicitly comedic pitches, but that's okay - as my college professor in the study of comedy once said, "Laughter is symptomatic of comedy, but not endemic to it." Any story that highlights human frailties and foibles can technically be a comedy.

Click the jump to see whose entries I liked best.



Many of you did Dig Dug, but I liked Galb's the most.

Dig Dug
Brad Pitt stars as John Digger, a miner in a small town operation, who discovers a new rich petroleum source deep in the Rocky Mountains. When the US Government hears of the riches that have been found, they send their top fracking teams to quickly seize the newly found black gold. The small town operation is quickly overcome and run out of the area, except for Digger who they keep on due to his knowledge of the area and the mines.

Rob Dugger, (played by Chris Hemsworth), a drunk homeless man and environmentalist, begins trying to warn the fracker's lead with no success. When pressed as to who he is, Digger admits he was an old friend and former colleague, who went slightly nuts after seeing some cave scribblings down one of the tunnels a year ago. Dugger is arrested shortly thereafter when found trying to sabotage the fracking equipment.

The fracking continues, and the operation quickly comes to realize that Dugger was right. They break through the hard earth into an underground cavern where they stumble across some Pookas, an ancient monster who quickly rips the team limb from limb. The foreman hears the screams down below as his teams are lost. Digger realizes that Dugger was right, and he rushes to bail him out of jail.

With the monsters slowly starting to escape their earthly bonds, Digger and Dugger suit up in a couple of experimental new mining suits that have been modified to equip air based weaponry. Their main weapon, a high pressured air hose cannon, fixed with a sharp needle end, must be used instead of traditional firepower due to the natural gas that is highly ignitable. Using traditional firepower could potentially blow up the mountains and town from underneath. They take out the escaping monsters with ease, and then descend into the mines to meet these ancient creatures head on.

They continue deeper into the earth, taking out many Pookas with ease, they eventually enter a very large cavern. Thinking they defeated the beasts, they loudly celebrate only to awaken a giant Frygar, a prehistoric dragon who can breathe fire. Digger is injured when the Frygar swats him with his tail, also puncturing the tank that pressurizes air for his cannon. Without a hope in fighting, Dugger orders Digger to head back to the top and seal the tunnel. Digger refuses, but eventually relents his stance when Dugger insists he is right behind him. As Digger passes underneath a loose overhang, Dugger uses his air cannon to cause a cave in, thus sealing Digger off to safety and himself trapped with the dragon. Digger curses at his old friend as Dugger instructs him how to make the damage minimal to the town, and who to evacuate. Calls go over the radio, and quickly the police move the townspeople to safety. Finally, Digger says his last goodbyes to his friend, and Dugger heads back down to the beast.

Dugger taunts and baits the Frygar into where the natural gas is more concentrated. A battle ensues between Dugger and the dragon, and finally Dugger connects with his air cannon, allowing him to finally stun the creature. As the air pumps up the dragon, the Frygar releases his fire breath, igniting the gas and causing a huge explosion. Outside, half a mountain is blown away and collapses. The town suffers only minor damage thanks to the efforts of Digger and the local police. Digger calls out to his friend, but receives nothing but static.

Fast forward a couple of years, John Digger is seen putting on a ball cap near a new fracking operation somewhere in the US. It appears he is going to work, but instead, the camera pans back as he picks up a protest sign and gives instructions to some of his environmentalist friends. He then walks up to the corner of the gated operation denouncing the operation with slogans as cars pass them by heading into the fracking zone to go to work.


rkwsuperstar's pitch sounds at least like a fan film that has to be made, if not a feature.
Code Name: Ms. Pac-man.
Natalie is a model (her signature look-red lips and big hair bow). Her secret? She's actually an under-cover CIA agent (code name: Ms. Pac-man) trying to bring down Maze and mainly deals with the minions Inky, Blinky, Pinky, and Sue, who are bumbling idiots. Natalie always carries breath mints (pellets) and eats fruit at every meal. It's sort of a Get Smart/Inspector Gadget/Austin Powers style spy movie.

SoulMind's pitch is very basic, but I want to see it.
A man has to save his family by entering a deadly gameshow. The arena is an LSD kaleidoscope of terror filled with snakes, gremlins, and power discs. Nicolas Cage is Q-bert directed by David Lynch

ComradeDread1's is one that I could see the people behind Rock Jocks actually making.
A film crew investigates the world of a bizarre Renaissance Faire cataloging the lives of the unusual performers who travel with the Faire. They highlight the rivalry between the reigning champion of jousting, the Black Knight (Wil Wheaton) and the recently hired upstart Sir Francis (James Franco) and their petty and increasingly dangerous pranks on each other.

The crew also encounters a local animal rights activist Clara's (Dakota Johnson) unsuccessful and also increasingly unhinged efforts to shut down the Faire, as well as the stunningly bad attempts by the two knights to win her heart.

Both storylines culminate in a in mutual nighttime break-in to the ostrich pens. Clara hoping to free them and the two knights to duel to the death.

It is Joust: the movie.


And earthmanprime essentially wants to reboot Saw with a very unlikely influence.
The movie title will be "Deflection" but the basis will be the old old school PONG machines. The story follows.

The movie starts out in a black room. Awaking to this situation is two men dressed in white. We find out through a series of flashbacks that these two men were lawyers. One was a prosecutor, the other a defense attorney. As it turns out the man behind the voice that has been taunting these two men, that kidnapped them watched as they let the man that killed his family walk free. Both lawyers have to play a game. They have explosive devices around their necks, their wrists, and ankles. They have to play a tennis game. The first person to 50 wins. If you refuse to play, you die. As they play the tennis game of death they flashback to where they went wrong.

Congratulations, winners. If I don't already have your address (Galb recently won toys, so I have his), send it to me to claim your DVD.



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