The 20 Most Deserving Victims in the Friday the 13th Films

By T.J. Dietsch in Daily Lists, Movies
Wednesday, October 30, 2013 at 6:00 am

jason-voorhees_01.jpg
Paramount PIctures

It's that Halloween season, so you know what that means: horror movie marathons! This year, we decided to take a look at every single one of the Friday the 13th films from the 1980 original to the 2009 remake. As the series grew Jason from a creepy kid popping out of the water at the end of 1980's Friday the 13th, to a cybernetically enhanced monster in Jason X, and then back to his woodsman roots in the 2009 remake, one thing stayed consistent over the franchise's 33 years: these things are packed with unlikable, awful characters who, in the moral code of a horror film, deserve to get dispatched with a machete, corkscrew, harpoon or what-have-you.

We're talking about the incredibly mean girls and guys, the obnoxiously awful townspeople, the kid-terrorizing adults, the worst parents around and even a few other killers. After spending hours watching all 12 films in the franchise, we compiled this list of the 20 most deserving victims in the Friday the 13th films.

Before continuing, be warned: the following list is jam packed with spoilers and NSFW clips.



20. Joey B. (Jason Goes To Hell)

joeybjasongoestohell.jpg
Paramount Pictures

When it comes to so-annoying-they-deserve-to-die, few characters from the Friday the 13th films come to mind more than Jason Goes To Hell bit player Joey B. This cartoonishly drawn diner owner loves her gun and her F bombs, neither of which actually makes her interesting. She also tempted fate by having a 2 for 1 "Jason is Dead" burger sale. In real life, being annoying and cursing like a sailor obviously doesn't earn you a one way trip to machete-ville, but we're talking slasher movies here, so it was a relief when one of the bodies Jason possessed finally silenced her forever.

19. Jimmy (Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter)

Crispin Glover's Jimmy actually isn't that bad of a guy; he's just a terrible dancer. Possibly the worst dancer in the world and certainly the least coordinated one in the Friday films. So, yeah, we cheered a bit when he got corkscrewed and then meat-cleavered by Jason after hooking up with one of the twins and bringing a whole new meaning to the term "dead fuck."

18. Axel (Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter)

Axel, Axel, Axel. You were just too much of a creepo to make it through the beginning of Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter. But what did you expect? Things never really work out for hospitals holding the corpses of slashers. It doesn't help that you insisted on trying to hook up with Nurse Morgan right next to Jason's corpse as weird '80s workout videos played on TV. Not only did Mrs. Voorhees' boy cop a feel on your lady, but he also wound up killing her and slicing your throat with a hacksaw. Sure, it was a little over the top, but you've got to take more pride in your work and put those stiffs in the freezer.

17. Sheriff Garris (Friday the 13th: Jason Lives)

After accidentally waking Jason back up in the beginning of Jason Lives, Tommy Jarvis - who will appear again on this list - runs to the closest police station to let them know what's going on. Instead of listening to the only kid who has survived more than two of these movies, Garris locked Tommy up and took the Mayor-from-Jaws approach by vehemently denying a monstrous threat until it literally snuck up and bit (or chopped) him in the ass.

Making matters worse, it turned out that Sheriff Garris' detective skills were crap. He actually went to Jason's grave and thought it was undisturbed even though it had CLEARY just been filled back in. Later in the film, Jason literally bends him over backwards, snapping his back in two. Oddly, that's the closest his head had ever been to his ass even though many would swear it had been up there the whole movie.

16. Ethel Hubbard (Friday the 13th: A New Beginning)

Ethel Hubbard is a real piece of work. It's one thing to be obnoxiously loud and mean to your own adult son (who she calls a dildo at least once), but Ethel Hubbard from A New Beginning went out of her way to be a complete asshole to a bunch of kids trying to find peace at Pinewoods Halfway House. So overpoweringly awful is she that when she finally met her end by way of a clever to the head, a collective cheer went up in HorrorLand.

More links from around the web!

 
Email Print