Ask Luke's Mother-in-Law: Wolverine vs. Superman, Yak Milk and Crazy Cats

Thursday, January 23, 2014 at 8:00 am

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Boo is the regal black one. We took her pic at Halloween.

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Lastly is Miss Felix. After Felix the cat. She is the big lump in our home and the grand lady of the house.

I name the cats and kids in the family. My husband wanted to name one of our first cat Hemmorhoid so he could yell every night, "Here, Hemmorhoid!" (We had an uptight neighbor at the time.) He also wanted to name our daughter "Beauregard Buford" as "it sung." Yeah, we nipped that one in the bud real fast. Hopefully Luke can get the photos into my answer. My cats all felt that we should answer this question in the style of Jeff Foxworthy and "you might be a redneck." So here we go:

You try to remove the cats tail from the morning butter and you just let it go - you might be a crazy cat person.

You dress your cats in silly outfits, especially little hats - you might be a crazy cat person.

You ask them permission to do things - you might be a crazy cat person.

You explain to them at the door that you will be back from work soon, and then worry when you hear them crying on the other side of the door and think about not going to work - you might be a crazy cat person.

You spend tons of time on the floor digging out cat toys from under the furniture, and as soon as the toys are out, they are knocked back under and you dig them out again - you might be a crazy cat person.

The cat recognizes the stick you use to get the toys from under the furniture - you might be a crazy cat person.

They tell you when the cookie bowl is empty and you drop everything and respond like it is a national emergency, even though your cats would not starve if you did not feed them for a few days - you might be a crazy cat person.

They sit on your desk, computer, desk chair etc while you are trying to work - you might be a crazy cat person.

They take shifts at night time to make sure you are sleeping well, and of course they wake you up for a pat and cuddle - you might be a crazy cat person.

You carry each one to bed at night for night-night snuggle time - you might be a crazy cat person.

You talk to them and they answer back - you might be a crazy cat person.

Your cats came up with the answers to this question - you are a crazy cat person.

Greggory B: So if Wolverine's adamantium claws are indestructible and Superman is also indestructible, what would happen if Wolverine tried to stab Superman with his claws? Also, does the emergence of nerd centered porn like Axel Braun's super-hero "parodies" and that My Little Pony thing signify the evolution of porn or the degeneration of nerd culture?

Greggory, this is a 2 part question. This should work for 2 weeks worth for you. Part one: Woverine would need a manicure as his claws would just be a mess after trying to stab Superman. Indestructible does not mean that they can't get slightly disfigured. Superman may be indestructible but not so sure about his snappy togs. Bet he might have to get a new outfit; spandex and claws do not mix well - oh, the runs in the fabric.

Part two: Mr. Braun has just about done all of the superhero porn movies over the last few years, and it appears Vivid Entertainment loves him. The dude even gets director awards. I have never seen Mr. Braun's work, but we must keep in mind that porn is fantasy and most of geek/nerd culture is fantasy also. Everything has its place in the world. You can take almost anything and make porn out of it. I don't think it is evolution of porn or the degeneration of nerd culture. I think it is smart marketing and a great way for someone to earn a buck.

Timely Tardis-Lego: Dear, whoever will answer this. Does me calling you dear mean we're going steady?

Nope. It only means that you are polite and raised well by your parents. It is a proper opening for most correspondence. It is also a term of endearment that many older folks use. Such as would you please get me......dear. Lots of times they use the term when they can't remember who the heck you are; it's safer then calling you the wrong name.

Grunting: I really enjoy yak milk. Is there some way of milking a yak that doesn't involve getting yak hair in the milk? I only ask because all this yak hair is giving me painful stool.

Well, as you can afford yak milk (as it is generally more expensive then plain old cow milk) then you should hire a good Tibetan yak milker. Of course this may be as difficult as housing the yak, depending on where you live. Yaks don't care for a good shave before milking, but if you milk correctly the milk should go in a bucket as long as you watch were you are grabbing - don't pull the hair. As yak milk is very high in fat it is generally processed into butter and yogurt. The processing should take out the hair. By the way, how is your cholesterol?

Well, that's it for this week. I'm having lots of fun with your questions. I hope you are enjoying my answers. Even my cats are having a great time. Frizzy especially - he is getting to be a fame hog. A friend of mine who is an artist is doing a show in a few months and Frizzy is going to be in the show in oil. So until next week, be good to each other.

If you'd like to add your questions to the pile for Luke's mother-in-law, leave them in comments below.

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