This week, it was announced via Youtube that a movie based on 1980′s cartoon/toy property Jem and the Holograms is coming, and director John M. Chu (GI Joe: Retaliation), horror producer Jason Blum and music producer Scooter Braun are the minds behind it. They're looking for fans to participate, sending audition tapes to their Jem tumblr for their chance to star as a member of the Holograms or the Misfits. What's kind of very telling of modern Hollywood is that Jem was a property created for girls, by a woman, and is now being revived and by three men. Ok, they're probably three gay men, but still. (ALLEGEDLY gay, I have no firsthand knowledge here. But three grown men in their thirties and their movie passion project is freakin' Jem? Speaking as a gay dude in his thirties, they're probably gay. I mean, just sayin.)
So since the Jem movie is seemingly a total sausage fest behind the camera, I say just go whole hog and make it a sausage fest in front of the camera as well. After all, who evokes the women of Jem and the Holograms and their rival band the Misfits more than the ladies of RuPaul's Drag Race? The following are ten of the fiercest divas Drag Race has had to offer over the past six seasons, and the roles in the Jem movie most perfectly suited to their talents and/or personalities. As they used to say on the cartoon, "It's showtime, Synergy!"
1. Willam Belli as Jem/Jerica Benton
Willam Belli is maybe the most infamous performer in RuPaul's Drag Race history, being the only contestant ever to get kicked off the show, for as yet (officially) undisclosed reasons. He's also one of the funniest queens the show has ever produced in all of its six seasons on the air. On top of that, he's also an actor, which he was happy to remind everyone by reciting his IMDB page for all to hear any chance he got during his season. Plus he can sing, which kind of helps since Jem is kind of a pop star.
So it's only fair that the lead role of Jem should go to a queen with some singing experience and acting chops. While the real Willam is anything but someone like the sunshiny and wholesome Jem, hopefully he can work some of them acting skills and convince us all.
2. Pandora Boxx as Kimber Benton
On the cartoon, Kimber was Jem's kid sister and the driving creative force behind the Holograms; she's the songwriter, keyboardist, plays the synthesizers and does backup vocals for Jem. Only a teenager, she was the entire group's little sis in a way. Perky and impulsive, she was arguably the heart of the group. While RuPaul's Drag Race has had many young queens in the competition, most of them are snotty little bitches and don't have any of Kimber's sparkling personality or kindness.
Season two queen (and winner of Miss Congeniality that year) Pandora Boxx, however, is the Ru girl that no one can hate. Funny without being mean (a rare trait in drag world) Pandora could rock the bright red hair of Kimber in a heartbeat. And just like Kimber, everyone loves her.
3. Ongina as Aja
To show how the Holograms were the "good" pop group, they were portrayed as a multi-ethnic band. The Misfits, on the other hand, were there to teach us that anything that only has white people at the exclusion of everyone else is probably evil. As part of their ethnic diversity, the Holograms had an Asian-American girl named Aja as their lead guitarist and back up vocalist.
Aja was kind of the tomboy of the group, so it makes perfect sense that she should be played by season one contestant Ongina. Ongina was kind of the "tomboy" of Drag Race, for often not wearing a wig and just working her own shaved head, usually a big drag no-no. Although one time she worked a bright blue wig, proving he could totally rock a fierce Aja were she to be cast in the Jem movie.
4. Latrice Royale as Shana
Shana was a Starlight Foundation orphan, who grew up with Jerica Benton and Kimber as a foster sisters. Bass guitarist and drummer for the Holograms, Shana is super loyal and liked by everyone (except the Misfits of course.) Of all the African-American queens who have competed on Drag Race, none are as universally loved by viewers and fans as much as season four contestant Latrice Royale. Ok, so Latrice is a big girl and Shana is a skinny chick. So what? There's still no other African-American queen from the series who can rock some purple highlights as much as Latrice can. It's 2014, we can reimagine Shana as a big girl now if we want to. She can be the Hologram's Mama Cass, even.
Plus Shana is an aspiring fashionista as well as a rock star, and Latrice made some amazing outfits from scratch herself during her season.
5. Yara Sofia as Raya
Raya Alonso was brought on to Jem later in its run, probably when producers fielded complaints that their multi-ethnic band was missing a Latina character. So pretty soon, Shana took a hiatus and was replaced with another drummer, this time of Mexican descent. While there have been many Latin queens on RuPaul's Drag Race (in fact, every years has had at least one Puerto Rican queen, if not two) in my humble opinion none are as fierce as pint-sized Yara Sofia.
Although the character of Raya is Mexican-American, we'll just bend the rules a bit and have Yara play her as an all-purpose Latina, like they do on all those CBS shows your parents watch.
6. RuPaul as Synergy
Where would the Holograms be without their female sentient computer, Synergy?? On the old Jem cartoon, Synergy would appear on a giant video monitor and talk to the band and give them advice; on Drag Race, Ru often appears to the girls randomly on video screens to give them their next challenge, or to give them directions. Plus, both Ru and Synergy can rock some eighties big hair and a workout headband like no other.
And while this is just speculation, the drag version of Ru has seemingly not aged in twenty years, raising the possibility that she is, in fact, a hologram. Was there ever more perfect casting?