This IS WrestleMania XXX Open Thread

By Luke Y. Thompson in TV
Sunday, April 6, 2014 at 2:12 pm

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Talk amongst yourselves in comments below.

Refresh this page to see mine as I add them to this article.



Pre-show right now is not that exciting.

Wow, this new announcer Tom looks like he's in a high school.

I think John Cena is the only clean-shaven guy in a major match tonight (not counting 6-man tag and battle royal) Oh wait, Brock. Never mind. Still, more beards and stubble than usual.

With all the crap Jimmy Hart puts in his hair, I'm amazed he still has any.

To recap - the first hour was all recap.

Oh - Lillian Garcia coming down to ringside, so maybe something will actually happen soon...and then we cut, Family Guy style, to an earlier John Cena interview.

I hope John Cena is not required to display "fear" in that upcoming Judd Apatow film. It is evident he cannot act that emotion to save his career.

Why in the hell would Cena have to "start at square one" if Wyatt beats him? Wyatt beat Kane, and he didn't start from square one, though he did get a gimmick refresh...which Cena BADLY needs.

As everyone on Twitter is noting, the sound is effed up...but I'll take that over all the stuttering and pausing last night during Hall of Fame.

Zeb Colter calls the whole audience illegal immigrants, and they chant his catchphrase with him anyway. The tag team title match is about to happen.

Oh wow, RybAxel have a combined theme tune. I think it's new, but they're such jobbers now that we hardly ever see their entrance on TV, so I could be wrong.

The announcers are indeed arguing that a little person in spandex is not in fact a monkey, but a baby bull.

Usos look to have big new left-pec Samoan tattoos like the one the Rock has.

Thanks for clarifying - this is an elimination match, not one-fall. JBL says Colter is the biggest war hero to be in New Orleans since Stonewall Jackson.

BOTCH! Swagger and Matador 1 with awkward over-the-top move.

Curtis Axel just got cross-bodied by El Torito, knocking down everyone. Up there with Jay Leno's armbar on Hulk Hogan for believablity

And the Matadores beaten by tapout to Swagger's ankle lock. Match now three-way.

Ryback in Hulkamania colors. Just put his hand to his ear too.

Cesaro pins Ryback after a neutralizer.

Backwards moonsault plancha by one of the Usos, hitting Swagger and Cesaro. Shoudla just been these two teams to start with. Crowd chants "this is awesome."

Double kick to Cesaro, then double Superfly. Usos win. I'm 1 for 1 on predictions

Zeb trying to stop his team breaking up yet again, after Swagger puts ankle lock on Cesaro. Will Cesaro shake Swagger's hand now?

NO. Time for the big swing! Cesaro then confusingly says "We the people!" again, sincerely, and walks out on Swagger and Colter.

On preshow panel, Booker T and Trish Stratus just did a Wonder Twins reference with their hall of fame rings.

Oh boy. Some kind of New Orleans skit. Kid Rock plus Mardi Gras = WWE?

Hulk Hulk Hulk, Hulk Ho-o-o-gan! In...black pants?

He's like a Star Trek alien - looks cool above the waist, then nothing below but generic costume #1.

Love every announcer having a conspicuously placed Mountain Dew bottle. Drink every time Hogan says "Brother."

Did he just call the Superdome the "Silverdome"? Yep. Gets booed for it.

He did it again! Fans chant "You fucked up." He corrects, claims he was just thinking about bodyslamming Andre the Giant. "I've stood corrected by all my Hulkamaniacs, that's what this is all about!"

AUSTIN! The match we may never see will be at least a confrontation.

"If you want me to open up a can of whup-ass on Hulk Hogan, gimme a hell yeah!" Sadly, it looks like he may not do that.

THE ROCK!

Can we get Papa Shango to show up because it's New Orleans?

Finnish fans holding up their flag. Maybe Ludvig Borga can show up just for them.

Rocky shows ability to improv, mocks Hogan's "Silverdome" screw-up. And he rhymes "Sheamus" with "anus."

Beer bash! No stunners. Baldness is beautiful.

No idea what this Daniel Bryan montage song is, but it's a total rip-off of that "Welcome to the new age" one.

Triple H is doing Skeletor coming out of Castle Grayskull. With slave wenches. Old Skeletor armor, but now gold...ergo, now he is a GOD!

Segues into old "Time to play the game" intro. Entrance ramp reads "If you want peace, prepare for war."

Triple H offers the old heel handshake to Bryan, who turns it into a small package. Two count.

Stephanie is dressed like a bad Zatanna cosplay without the hat.

My party guest Edwin points out that Steph has Shawn Michaels' hairdo. You think Triple H mandates it so he can dream of his true love?

There are THREE announce tables? What language does the third one say?

Verrry close near-countout. Bryan selling injury right now, looking hurt and weak.

Trips seems to be coopting Chris Benoit's moveset. One instance where nobody will argue with stealing from a dead man.

Bryan kicked out of the Pedigree.

Bryan wins with a running knee. Announcers hilariously try to sell it as a historic upset.

"WrestleMania has just turned into Yes-tlemania!" - Jerry Lawler.

And now it's time for the post-match beatdown.

And that was it? Minor beatdown at best.

Shield vs Kane/NAO now. Fast paced, Billy runs into RD, Reigns does the "suck it" sign.

Shield completely dominant. 3-on-2 spike powerbomb to NAO and it's over. No breakup teased, Kane almost a non-factor. Practically a squash match.

Dangerous Danny Davis! Legends playing with toys. Duggan vs, Slaughter, then Steamboat comes in, then DiBiase buys up all the toys.

Ron Simmons with the obvious punchline.

Big Show out first for the Andre Battle Royal. Or not. Looks like most guys are in the ring already.

Yoshi Tatsu is first thrown out.

Cesaro is in this? Guess so.

There goes Miz, so my prediction sucked.

Faaaan - Daaaaan - Go bye-bye!

Cody stupidly goes top rope, Alberto kicks him off, and out.

"There goes the good-looking portion of the show" - Julia.

Cesaro eliminates Rey with big uppercut! Tosses out Kofi, but Kofi keeps both feet on the steel steps (despite falling on his back), and is back in.

Big swing on Kofi, Cesaro then chokeslammed by Show. Sheamus eliminates Kofi. Final four are Del Rio, Sheamus, Show, Cesaro.

Sheamus/del Rio eliminate each other.

OMG! Cesaro bodyslams Big Show out of the ring and wins it!

Oh hey, there's a French announcers table. Everybody say it at once withe me "They'll surrender before the table breaks LOL!" There you go.

Full-on voodoo ritual with sword dancers for the Wyatt Family. Band playing his theme song live in weird bird masks. Cena should get the Newsboys to sing "God's Not Dead" in response.

Nope. But he did make the camera guys have to run after him pretty fast. Crowd seems fairly anti-Cena.

Wyatt pulling an Emperor in ROTJ, on his knees begging Cena to strike him down and become a monster.

Cena pulls him up and now it's a match.

So in the umpteenth new justification for this feud, Wyatt's goal is to get Cena to go nuts and break rules, giving in to his dark side. Okay then.

Dear god Cena's "acting" is terrible. This is why they never turned him evil.

Damn - Wyatt going into the spider-walk to avoid the 5-knuckle shuffle was actually brilliant.

Crowd now singing "He's got the whole world in his hands" for Wyatt.

"If Cena Wins, We Wyatt" - fan sign of the night.

Sister Abigail into the STF. Wyatt gets to the ropes.

Wyatt gives Cena a chair, dares him to use it. Ref says: "It's not who you are." Cena uses it on Rowan on the apron. Then pins Wyatt with AA. Boring.

The announcers have not drunk any of their Mountain Dew.

Damn. Sooo hoping they'd let Warrior run around the ring and shake the ropes one more time.

Undertaker's coming to the ring. You now have 20 minutes to go to the bathroom. Speaking of which, Taker looks like he's wearing Depends under his singlet.

Taker makes it okay to use the word "redskin" today. What the hell is up with that tomato-sauce complexion?

My guest Mae: "I think he was allergic to the outfit he was wearing."

Careful Brock! You'll break the old man's hip!

The story of this match: veteran trying to look decent against a guy who could legit break him in half.

Taker looks bad. Next year I think the streak needs to end, possibly at Wyatt's hands. Wyatt is committed to wrestling long-term, and the new semi-supernatural baddie. He makes the most sense right now. If Taker keeps looking like this nobody will believe he's unbeatable.

And that was the first ineffectual F5.

Sooo...Taker let Lesnar stagger around like a dork for minutes before doing that?

Undertaker knows ONE MMA move, so let's have him do it five times.

Ineffectual F5 #2.

SWERVE OF THE NIGHT! Brock breaks the streak!

Final F5 was effectual. WWE will sell a few more "Eat Sleep Break the Streak" shirts.

My guest Edwin says Taker is Samson - lost because he cut his hair.

Okay WWE Network - work out the glitches during the Divas match.

"Can you get tattoos erased?" I dunno, JBL, ask the Undertaker about the "Sara" tat he no longer has ON HIS THROAT.

Bella-fight!

Some actual wrestling in the Divas match. I like.

Naomi taps out to AJ. My prediction there comes true.

Wow, is Orndorff terminally ill? He looks awful.

Re-enactment of WrestleMania I! Even Pat Patterson in ref gear! Hogan, Orndorff, Piper, Mr. T all shake hands and hug.

Randy Orton's theme getting played live, as feed gets nastily choppy for the first time. Are hackers mad that Lesnar won?

Bounce yer boobies, Batista.

There has to be some kind of swerve in this match. But what?

Triple H and Steph take out the ref. Replace with Scott Armstrong, the "crooked ref."

Bryan cross=bodies Trips, Steph and Scott.

Hammer time for Trips. Bryan grabs it, takes out the boss.

As Orton, Batista team up against Bryan, crowd sings "Nah nah, hey hey goodbye."

Now chanting "CM Punk."

Powerbomb into an RKO on Bryan thru the table, by Orton and Batista teaming up. Orton's back is bleeding. Medics are out. Bryan on a stretcher, in a neck brace.

Bryan shoving the medics. He's coming back! Orton intercepts, throws him into steel steps.

Orton stalls to taunt crowd, goes for RKO, caught in Yes lock. Batista intercepts, caught in lock. Orton pulls hair, breaks it up.

RKO attempt on Batista fails. Batista misses a spear. RKO on Batista, but he kicks out.

Batista bomb to Orton, running knee to Batista...Batista taps to Bryan!


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