The 10 Biggest Revelations in America's Zombie Defense Plan (and Their Real-World Implications)

Tuesday, May 20, 2014 at 6:00 am

7. Zombie Time Is the Perfect Time to Steal Nukes

One of the other major concerns is that hostile foreign entities would take advantage of any destabilization to America's infrastructure, and attempt to hijack weapons of mass destruction. Seeing as how CONPLAN 8888 does open the potential for the release of nuclear weapons, there would be an increased likelihood that these weapons could get in the wrong hands. Fortunately, in cases of zombie uprising, the greatest threat to American interests would also be the greatest threat to foreign interests.

For the most part, asking someone to try to steal a really big missile would require them to have an awfully big death wish. An Al Qaeda team, when faced down by a squad of Marines, would likely turn tail and run or otherwise become target practice. Take that same Al Qaeda team, and stick about a thousand zombies between them and a nuke, and those who could keep their bowels under control would likely become snackatizers within seconds. Regardless, CONPLAN 8888 orders in a zombie uprising specifically dictate that Strategic Command must maintain all current missions during the undead conflict, particularly the securing of the nation's nuclear arsenal. Sorry guys, I'd have a hell of a time turning my key if a bloodthirsty six year old were gnawing on my ankle.

8. The Government Does Not Have Enough Twinkies, or Any Other Supplies Necessary to Withstand Zombieland

One of the key aspects of a long term anti-zombie campaign is going to be provisions. Sadly, according to CONPLAN 8888, provisions would be our greatest weakness. The document states that US Strategic Command forces don't have on hand enough supplies to outlast a zombie siege as short as thirty days. This simple shortcoming could literally affect the continuation of the human race as we know it.

The document assumes that most zombies, aside from the evil magic variety, would still be limited to the simple laws of biology in that, they would likely cease to function after about thirty to forty days without nourishment. In the best case scenario, that would leave Strategic Command forces running out of provisions days before the undead starved to death...again. The military would be a few days late, and a lot of hamburgers short.

To make matters worse, it's likely that the military wouldn't last the initial thirty days. CONPLAN 8888 specifically states that "USSTRATCOM (United States Strategic Command) has no ground combat forces capable of repelling a zombie assault." While this is a completely fictional scenario, it does give pause to wonder, if there were a full scale invasion of the country, would the military be able to repel it successfully? Granted, the single advantage zombies have is their ability for what the military refers to as recruitment and retention, giving them far greater numbers in a short period of time, but how much of an opposing real world force would it take to overwhelm our current, exhausted fighting force? Would the American people augment the military, Wolverines-style, or would we just be crying out to the world, "Avenge us!"

9. Once Bitten, Twice Shot

It's safe to say that the bitten will not be looked upon too favorably by the military. One of the critical requirements necessary for the highest possibility of success is CR #1 - Emergency Triage/Quarantine Protocols. This makes sense, as zombieism is generally transmitted person to person.

CONPLAN 8888 states that it is critical that "Casualties contaminated by zombie sources must not be allowed to interact with healthy humans. Affected humans must be quarantined and subsequently eradicated." This is a particularly harsh stance, as the document labels distinct differences between humans (whether infected or clean) and zombies, with the latter not afforded any rights in regards to the Law of Armed Combat and the Geneva Convention.

This position to effectively kill anyone who presents any injury potentially caused by a zombie could insight more panic than it contains. Those bitten will be more inclined to hide the scope of their injuries, and depending on the amount of time necessary for their conversion, could theoretically become vectors for zombieism transmission, perhaps in designated safe spaces. The amount of time necessary to effectively strip search each survivor in search of injuries would be daunting, leading me to wonder if a shoot first/ask questions later approach would be followed rather than risk further contamination.

10. The First Casualty: Civil Rights

It would require quick, decisive decision making for the country as we know it to survive. According to the terms of CONPLAN 8888, until martial law is declared, counter zombie operations would be under the jurisdiction of local law enforcement. Once martial law is declared though, it's likely that the American way would become one of the first things we lose.

The plan dictates that the President, the Secretary of Defense and the Commander of Strategic Command can issue six different types of orders regarding zombie uprisings, including alert orders, deployment orders, operational orders and others.

One category that stands out is called a TERMORD, which does not seem to have a definition available online. A media relations worker at the Pentagon seemed to believe TERMORD was the acronym for "termination order", but could not confirm it. When asked, LTC Bounds did not have a definition, stating that she had never heard the term before. Other contacts seem to believe that it is indeed a termination order, which in the context of a zombie outbreak, could be used to "legally" end the lives of humans who were a threat to the operation. This idea could have some rather terrifying connotations.

Is this something limited to "putting down" infected before they have the chance to turn, or could the military proactively remove zombie supply chains, specifically human population centers where zombie reproduction could be uncontrollable? Elsewhere, the document states that nuclear weapons could be used on American soil to prevent the spread off the threat. Does this mean entire cities could be nuked for containment purposes, potentially without the evacuation of perfectly healthy humans?

While CONPLAN 8888 is a completely hypothetical operation, there is a real world fear it brings to light. It seems unlikely that a new acronym, TERMORD, would be invented for such an exercise. The idea that such an order type exists in the present brings to mind two major questions. Have termination orders been issued before, and what are the criteria for ordering the death of a non-combatant? There are striking similarities to Captain America: The Winter Soldier's Project Insight, and the concept of these orders. Hail Hydra?

Previously By Jason Helton

10 Things I Learned About Video Games, Eroge, Japan and Myself From Playing Saya no Uta

Ten Amazing American Arcades (That You Can Still Visit)

12 Role Predictions for Star Wars Episode VII


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