4 Things the Porn Parody Doctor Whore Gets Right, and 3 It Doesn't

Tuesday, August 26, 2014 at 6:00 am

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Even though so many nerd properties are now pretty much mainstream, it's still a special time when a nerdy property gets popular enough for a porn parody. This has been true for things like The Avengers, James Cameron's Avatar, and Star Trek. And now it's true for Doctor Who as well.

Today, to celebrate, we're looking at Wood Rocket's Doctor Whore, a recently made (and free to watch online if you're 18) parody, that mainly focuses on the era of the 11th Doctor. This is actually the third Doctor Who skin flick I've heard of; its predecessors being Dr. Loo and the Filthy Phaleks, and Doctor Screw. (Nobody seems to have gone with the more obvious "Cocktor Who" yet.) Doctor Whore's name might not roll off the tongue as well its predecessors, but it still is something to look into.

This is your last warning: get your kids, pets, and whoever else will make you feel guilty out of the room, and hit the jump.
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What it got right:

1. The Costumes.

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All of the costumes are really well done. I mean, look at them! They look like something that a fan film would make. Well, dildos aside, I mean. You could probably win a costume contest in those.

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Do you want to know what else got me so excited about the costumes? While I was watching it, I noticed that Ten's coat has blue lining and orange on the pockets. That's something only the licensed replica coats have. This means that they spent at least $300 on a coat that would only be worn for about 7 minutes, tops.

I think they went all out and got the ones for Martha and Jack while they were at it too! Eleven's coat looks a bit off in some scenes, so the rest of the clothes might not be completely perfect and identical, but short of making the costumes themselves, it's pretty spot on. The only costume that looks bad is on a random alien ambassador who is on screen for less than 20 seconds.

2. Solid Production Values.

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As for the sets, they look nice. The Ponds' house looks like it did in the show. The TARDIS, while not as extravagant, and a bit cheaper looking, is a decent representation of the 9th and 10th doctor's console rooms. The rest of the sets look a bit plain, especially Platform One, but you can tell they really put a lot of work into it where it counts.

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In the rare parts when they use CGI, it looks better than what I'd have expected in a free porn movie. Though the outside of Platform One looks a lot more like an egg whisk than a space station.

3. Wonderful Doctor Who-Themed Pillow Talk.

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Every good movie needs to have quotable bits, and a porn movie should be no different. Doctor Whore has a number of lines that can be quickly added to you and your significant other's intimate times

Want to say you're in the mood?
Rory: "I want you to make my angel weep"

Getting a blowjob?
The Doctor: "That's right sexy alien lady, now cum get my magical custard"

Trying to be subtle about being in the mood?
11th Doctor: "Have you ever noticed that fish fingers and custard are extremely sexual?"

Are you suffering from fever dreams? Well, Ten has you covered.
10th Doctor: "yes, a giant fiery space vagina always seems to get my gonads rumbling"

Trying to play off the fact you have a doctorate?
10th Doctor: "Well, they don't call me the Doctor cuz I don't have a Ph.D in pussy pounding! "

That being said, there's still the run of the mill "In-sem-in-ate!" joke. It's especially glaring since they all wear condoms in the penetration scenes.

4. A Wide Cast of Characters.

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They've got a large roster going on here. In addition to to the Cybermen, they've also got most of the companions from series 1-6, with only the ninth Doctor, Mickey and Donna missing. As someone who really loved Nine and Donna I'm both relieved and disappointed by this; Nine and Donna could have beaten the bad guys just by talking them down.

All the characters only get one sex scene, though. So you're out of luck if you wanted Jack Harkness to sleep with everyone. The sex scenes are paired thusly: Amy-Rory, Eleven-River, Ten-Rose, and a Martha-Jack threesome with a female Doctor. So with all that, there's a good chance they did some pairings you might be interested.


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