Weekstarter: Lego Strippers, Vodka Turkey, 8-Bit Freddy vs. Jason and More

National holidays don’t often yield a ton of news, but we have 14 fun fragments here for your amusement, compiled with the aid of Kyle LeClair.

This week’s tipsters include Gallen_Dugall, SlyDante777, skrag2112 and troi.

1. The Bee Flats.

Chespirito, the Mexican writer and comedian whose “Chapulin Colorado” character is believed to be the basis for The Simpsons‘ Bumblebee Man, has died. In memoriam, Latin Times has assembled some of his best quotes.

Vaya con Dios, Senor.

2. The Farce, Awakened.

You might have heard that there’s a new Star Wars trailer. This, of course, means that there are already new Star Wars trailer parodies, because for a satire-starved nerd-o-sphere, there just aren’t any more jokes you can make about Han shooting first.

3. No Lyin’, It’s Orion.

NASA’s developing a new deep-space vehicle called Orion. It will probably take until 2021 to send it on manned missions, and until 2024 before we stop talking about anything other than what shirts people will be wearing at Mission Control.

4. In the Navi.

This looks like some bad fanfic waiting to happen.

5. Doctored Mario.

Dancing With the Stars does the Mushroom Kingdom, and proves that even head-stomping, fungus-devouring plumbers have grace.

6. Fake Lego, Nipples…Where’s Todd McFarlane?

Behold the Lego-compatible “Center for the Performing Arts,” where the arts include spinning bad glam-rock records, pole dancing, and cash-tossing.

Male stripper who looks like Will Ferrell is also included, for some reason.

7. Wild Turkey.

The problem with eating turkey is that it can’t get you drunk.

Well, until now, that is.

8. D-d-d-dairy Coca-Cola, Dairy Coke.

The Coca-Cola company wants to sell you milk and charge a higher price for it, presumably so Coke won’t seem such a waste of money by comparison.

And what do they know about milk? Judging by their ads, they at least seem to know where it comes from.

9. Reno RE: No Accidents.

The Reno 911 guys have some holiday safety tips, surprisingly none of which involve alcohol-infused turkey.

10. Death Blossom.

Offered for your consideration: is it a good thing or a bad thing that Seth Rogen wanted Steven Spielberg to get him the remake rights to The Last Starfighter, but the original writer said no?

11. Eat Your Words.

A waffle iron to make edible keyboards is about halfway funded on Kickstarter. Just my type of breakfast.

12. Slings and Our Rows.

What do you get when you cross a slingshot with a rowboat? I’m not sure, but this crazy guy did exactly that.

13. Mouse House Dogs You.

Puppies dressed up as Disney characters. What bitches.

14. Jason Jones.

Hacking the Nintendo Friday the 13th game to turn it into Freddy vs. Jason.