The Walking Dead Recap: Delicious Chocolate Buttons

If you write erotic fan fiction and you only see one episode this season – last night’s is it.

Thoughts while watching:

-So, this Olivia girl – How does she stay fat? And what do you want to bet the casting breakdown said “Melissa McCarthy type”?

-There are boars around? Or did she mean “bores”? You can find them on the show that’s on right after this one.

-Okay, this seems like the most dramatic suicide attempt ever now. Using one of those bullets on yourself doesn’t strike you as a far better option, Sasha? I must admit I’d rather become a zombie than shoot myself – having that experience before you die might just be fun; you just never know.

-Carol thinks like a detective. Nice

-“W”? Is George Bush going around marking his territory? Like, a war on literal terror?

-Michonne and Rick to star in 48 HOURS…AGAIN

-“Come out! Now!” Ha ha, he just told a gay guy to come out. That’s ironic, because Aaron should be saying it to him.

“They believe in this because I’m telling them to” – That’s Robert Kirkman’s philosophy too.

-Sasha has crazy eyes now – I wouldn’t trust her with a gun on a clock tower.

– Mashed lima beans with cocoa powder. Somebody else try that and tell me how it is.

-“His name’s Buttons” Because he butts in to the storyline, one supposes.

-Aaron, are you seriously going to compare homophobia to people being afraid of dirt-covered rednecks with crossbows? Isn’t that a bit like comparing actual racism to affirmative action?

“They have beer.” “I’ma try.” Atta boy, Abe

-Deanna’s hubby Reg looks like Chevy Chase got fused with Garry Shandling in a Fly-style telepod and lost his chin.

-Okay, who’ll be the first to write a fanfic where the walkers have sex with the horse? What about one where Aaron and Daryl join in?

-Too late. Buttons is now their little pony, their chewy pony, ahhh-ah-ah, ah ah.

-DAMMIT DARYL YOU KILLED THE HORSE BY BEING NICE! ‘Twas booty killed the Buttons

-“Come in. Have some dinner.” GET IT IT’S IRONIC MIRRORING OF WHEN DARYL SAID “COME OUT.”

-Rick is putting up with this lecture about survival because a pretty girl is saying it. Anyone else would be smacked in the face by now.

-Also, Rick’s clean shave is already disappearing fast.

-A scarlet “A” is the official handstamp of Alexandria? Well, that ‘s a loaded logo. Why didn’t they just name the hot blonde Hester and be completely obvious?

-We go from talk about a pasta maker to Daryl slurping spaghetti. And in case you didn’t get it, Eric actually mentions the damn pasta maker again.

-“You do know the difference between a good person and a bad person” You wouldn’t say that if you’d known his brother.

-“I am a large man and I have had many beers to make up for that” I use that line often myself.

-I just noticed Michonne has a little “M” around her neck on her necklace. Todd McFarlane probably thinks it stands for “Malebolgia.”

-Holy shit, Carol the child killer kicking in! Hugely ill-advised threat to make, but awesome.

-“It’s been a long time since I held one of these” Rick hopes she’ll say that about his penis later. Just sayin’.

-“Away in a Manger”? Is it Christmas? Because I only see one HO, not three! Oooh burn.

-Oh, they do have a book club? Just a suggestion: The Scarlet Letter next month

-Great, give the PTSD nutcase extra ammo. Isn’t that how Chris Kyle died?

-Speaking of PTSD, Rick seems to have gotten over his mighty quickly

-Is that a gun in Rick’s pants, or is he just happy to see her?

-Next week, Gabriel uses the Bible to predict shit will go wrong, and Eugene acts like a jackass. Or something. Both the Bible and Eugene can be real downers sometimes.