New Spider-Man Director and Star Set: Tom Holland and Jon Watts

Maybe Saoirse can be the new Gwen?

Dammit, I was really hoping for Asa Butterfield, but he probably commands too high a price now (Heroic Hollywood speculates that his being taller than Robert Downey Jr. didn’t help, which sounds semi-plausible). And if you were casually reading the headline, I bet you were hoping for Child’s Play‘s Tom Holland to be the director. No such luck. This Holland, who was often talked about in the same breath as Butterfield for the Peter Parker role, is perhaps best known stateside for his role in the World War III drama How I Live Now, while Watts, who has directed TV segments for The Onion and the Eli Roth-produced horror Clown, is a surprise choice to helm.

Both are such unknown quantities to me that it’s tough to have an insta-opinion, so I’ll just make one up: ARRRRGGGHHHLLEBLARRGGLE! THEY SUCK! THIS IS WORSE THAN HAVING MY EYEBALLS STABBED OUT BY ADAM SANDLER!

Or, you know, maybe not. Also, thank God the rumors of Jared Hess weren’t true.