Smurfs Reboot Movie Has Terrible New Title, Decent Cast, Classic Approach

“GET SMURFY”

That’s what it’s called now. Meaning somebody at Sony animation is either a big Elmore Leonard fan, or tittering away Beavis and Butt-head style that s/he got away with titling a kids’ movie with a phrase that can technically mean “Get Shitty.” And with Mandy Patinkin in the lead role of Papa Smurf, you never know when that word does not mean what you think it means.

Filling out the cast are Rainn Wilson as Gargamel and Demi Lovato as Smurfette, in a story that will be fully animated and more based on the original comic strips.

Get Smurfy finds Smurfette and her brothers trekking through the uncharted Enchanted Forest to try and discover a fabled Smurfs village before their nemesis, the evil wizard Gargamel, does. Along the way, some of the mysteries of the little blue creatures’ origins are brought to light: do Smurfs come in any other colors? are their mushroom houses organic? And… why are there 99 boys and only one girl???

Look, in response to at least one inevitable commenter – I’m a 40 year-old man, and the Smurfs are not meant for me, nor should they be. But the cinematic Smurfs franchise thus far has been the worst sort of Poochie-style pandering, trying to be hip at the expense of what worked originally, and I want those of you who are parents not to have to sit through another mashup of Guitar Hero, Aerosmith, Neil Patrick Harris and the Smurf song.

Says director Kelly Asbury, “The continued popularity of the Smurfs is unmistakeable, and this new outing will return them to the fully-animated world that launched them.”

Producer Jordan Kerner continues, “We felt it was important to take a very different approach with this origin story. It returns to the roots of Peyo’s creation in this CG animated adventure. I hope it will delight not only fans but audiences worldwide. We couldn’t be more excited with the talented new cast we’re starting to assemble for our Smurfy reboot! “

You’re damned right it was important to take a different approach. At least if it still sucks, it will suck in a different way. And with Rainn Wilson, it might actually be decent.

Get Smurfy opens on March 31, 2017.