The 14 Nerdy Things We Most Look Forward to in 2015

Thursday, January 22, 2015 at 4:00 am

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2014 ended three weeks ago, but our wrap-ups of 2014's best and worst ended yesterday. It's fair to say we consumed a lot of entertainment, enjoyed many things and had almost as much fun vocally destroying the things we didn't like so much. And as I hope was evident, not every Topless Robot contributor had the same ideas about what those things were.

Which is why, as we look to the year ahead, I've gathered together as many of our regular contributors as possible for this list, in which they all describe what they're geeked out about for 2015. From board games to RPGs, action figures to adaptations - and in one case, even the rumors we long to hear - it's a varied, insightful and excitable sneak peek.

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Trailer for Syfy's The Expanse Features Zero-Gravity Boning

Thursday, January 15, 2015 at 3:00 pm

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I'm not a huge fan of the bright colors at play here, or the fact that hipster fedoras are still a thing in the future. But...zero-G boning!

Based on the novel by James S. A. Corey, I assume this is a limited series, and it looks like the network has spent some money for once.

'The Expanse' follows the case of a missing young woman who brings a hardened detective and a rogue ship's captain together in a race across the solar system to expose the greatest conspiracy in human history.
I'm sure they'll solve the case, but can they solve the mystery of how you'd get any friction going in floaty space sex without flying all over the place and bouncing off walls? Because that is all I'm going to think about.

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TR Review: Paddington, Bearable

Tuesday, January 13, 2015 at 12:00 pm

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I never really liked Paddington Bear as a kid, and I'm honestly not sure why. I suppose it could have been his obsession with marmalade, which is now and always has been totally gross. Or my general unease with stop-motion - inanimate objects coming to life always seemed at least mildly disconcerting, and the old Paddington cartoons, while featuring drawings, had the primary bear be a stuffed toy that moved. (Having watched those old shorts recently, I now suspect that the humorous tone was simply too dry for me to understand at a young age.) When, following the release of the movie's first teaser, people started creating horror memes using the CG Paddington, I confess I was not unsympathetic.

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Groot, Hodor and Chewbacca Could Be the Next Tarzan, Tonto and Frankenstein

Monday, January 12, 2015 at 12:30 pm

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Am I dating myself with that reference? Saturday Night Live used to team up three of the most famously inarticulate characters of pop culture to sing Christmas songs and the like; it's probably time for an update, and I think Brotherhood Workshop may have nailed it with this Lego skit featuring Groot, Hodor and Chewbacca.

Warning: may make you long for Game of Thrones Lego that will NEVER happen (though there are customs available to buy)

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Trailer for Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter Book Sequel Is Here, and It's Bananas

Wednesday, January 7, 2015 at 12:11 pm

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So, I guess, uh..."WHAT'CHA GONNA DO, VAMPIRE BROTHERS, WHEN MARK-A-TWAINIA RUNS WILD ON YOU????!!!"

The Last American Vampire, which comes out January 13th, also features Nikola Tesla, Jack the Ripper, Rasputin, some sexy samurai girl and an alternate history of 20th century America. And its trailer is better than anything from the first movie adaptation.

Watch...

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Game of Thrones Episodes to Be Converted to Imax

Tuesday, January 6, 2015 at 4:00 am

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NASA HQ/HBO

Cool! So if you have HBO, you can now pay even more to watch the last two episodes again on the huge screen, with a new season 5 trailer at the end. If you don't have HBO, even better! You can finally see two episodes of the show everyone's talking about...that will make no sense to a new viewer as they come at the end of four seasons full of insane amounts of characters and relationships you're supposed to keep track of.

For one week only, starting January 23rd. Full press release is below.

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Gingerbread Smaug Is a Baked-Goods Benediction

Tuesday, December 30, 2014 at 1:00 pm

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Sure, you've always thought Benedict Cumberbatch looked good enough to eat, but the odds of you ever getting any part of him in your mouth are slim to none. His alter-ego Smaug, on the other hand, just got made into a giant, elaborate piece of cookie art that's like a Battle of the Five Armies in my pants. Not that I even have any idea what that means, but it sounds vaguely dirty, so what the hell.

There's time-lapse video, too - though it weirdly doesn't seem to have any audio, so just get a friend to say "Peng-wings" over and over while you watch it for the full effect...

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Mr. Grinch Gets Totally F***in' Metal

Wednesday, December 24, 2014 at 1:30 pm

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We've featured Timothy Fromme (a.k.a. The Human Tim) quite a few times in the past, as his metal guitar covers of nerdy anthems nearly always make me bang my head in joy, rather than upon the desk, as so many others promoting their work have prompted me to do.

The time seemed right to give him a shoutout again, as this cover version of the Mean One's signature song is as rockin' as the vengeance Mr. Grinch plots on Christmas Eve. And the guitar even does the "talking" - because we all know that actual singing is Kryptonite to the original Grinch.

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First Still From HBO's Westworld Is Not the Reverse Cowgirl You Were Looking for

Wednesday, December 24, 2014 at 10:00 am

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John P. Johnson/HBO

I told her with that pale complexion that she'd burn too easily! Our first real look at Westworld features a killer cowgirl-bot, and a quote from Jonathan Nolan that he's basically making Las Vegas on steroids...with cowboy Terminators.

"It's a place where you can be whoever you want to be and there are no consequences--no rules, no limitations," Nolan says. "What happens in Westworld, stays in Westworld."
Yes, but John...when Caesar's Palace breaks down, the slot machines don't shoot the tourists!

Please don't suck.

(not that I have HBO anyway.)

It's Thor vs. an Evil Whale In the Heart of the Sea

Tuesday, December 23, 2014 at 12:00 pm

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In an alleged representation of something that actually happened to inspire the writing of Moby Dick - but more directly, inspired the writing of a book with the same name as this movie - In the Heart of the Sea pits Chris Hemsworth against a giant whale that attacks for no reason. Because what cause would a whale have to attack a boat that's loaded with harpoons? Surely none.

I congratulate the whales, though, on getting past the insidious typecasting of always being gentle, sensitive things. It's about time Hollywood realized that not all whales are nice, and some are just pissy jerks, or even downright villainous. Look, if they're really as smart as us, some have to be as awful as us. Sea World is right to put the smaller ones in pens, don'cha know.

This should play gangbusters in Japan. And it looks kinda fun for a Ron Howard movie. But realistic? Like I said, it's Thor versus an evil whale.

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