Ian McKellen as Gandalf Threatens Schoolchildren Who Don't Study

Monday, October 20, 2014 at 11:30 am


"Sir Ian McKellen came to visit Chew Valley School on 17th October 2014. He had this important message for the students gathered outside the library"

Note to Americans not overly familiar with "English-English" - "revision" means "studying."

With that in mind...here's Ian yelling at kids.

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Documentary Mudbloods Covers the UCLA Quidditch Team (Yes, UCLA Has a Quidditch Team)

Tuesday, October 14, 2014 at 2:45 pm


If we could take this documentary film back in time to the days of the first Revenge of the Nerds movie, I think heads would explode at the confluence of jock aggression and pure nerdery on display in the same place. Not only have dedicated fans turned a fictional sport that involves flying into something real, but as the trailer below shows, they've somehow made it as violent as rugby.

I'm curious to see if enterprising fans can now take that How to Train Your Dragon sport of dropping sheep into baskets into a live-action thing.

Mudbloods is available online as of today. The trailer makes me way more curious than I was before.

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9 Interesting Ways Edge of Tomorrow/Live. Die. Repeat. Differs from its Source Material

Tuesday, October 7, 2014 at 8:00 am


Today is a day which I fondly refer to as All You Need is Kills-mas, the day that Edge of Tomorrow comes out on DVD and Blu-ray. You know: Edge of Tomorrow, the Tom Cruise-Emily Blount science fiction spectacle that skidded hard at the box office, despite delighting both critics and the audiences who actually got out and saw it. Edge of Tomorrow, which plays like a sadistic Groundhog Day, as Cruise's character dies over and over again, caught in a time loop, trying to somehow win a seemingly impossible battle. Edge of Tomorrow, inexplicably retitled Live Die Repeat after already being inexplicably retitled from its original moniker, the fabulous, can't-forget-it-once-you've-heard-it All You Need is Kill. Edge of Tomorrow is notable for being an adaptation of a Japanese science fiction novel by Hiroshi Sakurazawa - Japanese SF isn't something that's commonly been mined for Hollywood blockbusters.

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The Other Rapture Movie "in Theaters" Might Be the Camp Classic You Wanted From Left Behind

Monday, October 6, 2014 at 10:00 am


According to the official website of Final, this movie is actually in theaters now - though I suspect it needs an updating. I have never heard of it, but I suppose it's possible. Filmed in seven countries, this is a Rapture movie that apparently spends a lot of time in Japan, where the filmmakers don't seem to realize that the relatively small percentage of pre-tribulation Christians would make their disappearance almost unnoticed, if it happened.

Alas, if only we could have gotten Nicolas Cage to participate in exchanges like:
"The Rapture happened."
"The Rapture, what is that?"
"You don't wanna know, lady - you don't wanna know!"

"An impassioned defense of God in a world gone mad," says Variety, in a parallel dimension other than this one. Quit fighting, people. If you guys could've pooled your resources this might have been something.

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I READ YOUR FANFIC! "Hogwarts School of Prayer and Miracles" Part 2 by proudhousewife

Friday, October 3, 2014 at 1:00 pm


If you want to submit fan fiction for me to read, please send it - or a link to it - to toplessrobot-at-gmail-dot-com with subject line "Read my Fanfic!"

I now definitely think this fanfic is trolling. But it's not like I'd read it any differently if it weren't.

Title: "Hogwarts School of Prayer and Miracles" by proudhousewife

Logline: Harry Potter finds Jesus thanks to redneck Hagrid, and goes to prayer school. In this telling, Hogwarts is in the American South, and Hermione is Dumbledore's daughter, proving he's not gay.

Acts Involved: Prayer, prayer and more prayer for really frivolous stuff. Plus much talk of penises and masturbation...by my cameraman, not the fanfic itself.

Participants: Harry Potter, Hagrid, Hermione, Albus Dumbledore, Minerva McGonagall, Jesus Christ, God.

The Live Reading/Performance...

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TR Review: Left Behind's a Sermon Without Substance

Friday, October 3, 2014 at 12:00 pm


Recent ads for the new Left Behind movie - about the Rapture and End Times - featured a quote attributed to Satan, exhorting people not to take nonbelievers to see it. If it weren't already plain, this made Left Behind's intent clear - it isn't meant as a fun film for faith-based families to enjoy, but rather a stealth evangelizing tool, aimed at...who? Fans of Nicolas Cage movies? Because speaking for myself as one of those, I can say we're pretty far gone when it comes to knowing good from evil.

That said, it's a much better film many times over than the 2000 version with Kirk Cameron...which is to say it's still a slightly below-average movie. It's a lot more subtle in its message - the Cameron version preached non-stop and in detail, while this new one only offers a vague message that believing in the Christian God is a good idea (a very kind, devout and peaceful Muslim character who prays to Allah is quite pointedly among those left behind, which is about as political as things get). The idea here, perhaps, is that it starts conversations about faith rather than bludgeoning you with an argument you aren't permitted to challenge.

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CGI Martians Invade Actual WWI Footage in The Great Martian War

Thursday, October 2, 2014 at 5:45 pm


According to Wikipedia, this ran on BBC America this summer, but if so I certainly missed it. Canadian-made for the UK History Channel, it's a mock-doc about the World War we had with invaders from Mars back in 1913.

Let's skip straight to the sizzle-reel, shall we? A montage of the doctored archival footage set to completely anachronistic techno music makes about as much sense as the rest of it...

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An 8th Grader Turns His Math Homework Into Star Wars

Wednesday, October 1, 2014 at 5:30 pm

Reader Bob S. writes in: "My son's homework was to make an algebraic expression into a word problem...this is the end result with zero input from me."


That the 13 year-old kid knows his Shadows of the Empire references is what impresses me the most.

Twilight to be Revived...by the Aptly Named Mr. Burns

Wednesday, October 1, 2014 at 4:00 pm


Yes, the vice-chairman of Lionsgate is named Mr. Burns. And he is just as nefarious as his alter-ego, having greenlit five Twilight short films that will be debuting on...Facebook.

"This is the just the beginning -- a template, if you will," Mr. Burns added. "You can probably guess what might be coming next."
I sure can. You'll twiddle your fingers and go "Ehhhhhxcellent." Then you'll block out the sun.

Smithers will enjoy seeing more of Edward Cullen, though, I'm sure.

I Saw Some of Ridley Scott's Exodus, and You Didn't Miss Much

Wednesday, October 1, 2014 at 12:29 pm


We've got the new trailer for it below, so you can just skip ahead if you don't want any spoilers on the Moses story everybody in Judeo-Christendom pretty much knows backwards and forwards. But yesterday, I got to see quite a bit more, including scenes from throughout the entire film.

I'm not exactly on the edge of my seat waiting for the rest...

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