Unboxing August's Geekfuel Shipment, With Kitten

Monday, August 31, 2015 at 12:32 pm

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Toby the cat was just determined to throw his mom off her game this time around. Did he succeed? Watch and find out.

Geekfuel boxes start at $13.90. To grab some Geekfuel of your own, use our special link to get an extra bonus item. To gift a box or subscription to somebody else, GO HERE.

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This TV Trailer for The Shannara Chronicles Might Get Me to Watch MTV Again

Monday, August 31, 2015 at 6:30 am

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Okay, when the guy says "It has begun," I'm sure I'm not the only person who spontaneously yelled out "MOOOOORTAL KOOOOMBAAAAT!" at my computer screen, right? I am? Lame-os.

I think somebody at MTV must have made a mistake, because this isn't a reality series, nor does it have young women in swimsuits. I hope they hurry up and get it on the air before someone at Viacom realizes the error.

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Daniel Radcliffe Is the Most Handsome Igor Ever in Victor Frankenstein Trailer

Tuesday, August 18, 2015 at 10:38 am

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Most of this looks cheesy as hell - the lame jokes on "It's alive!", the "FrankenSHTEEN" line right out of Mel Brooks. But James McAvoy and Daniel Radcliffe, adding the "BFF" to romantic fiction to create Bromantic Ffiction, will surely be the subject of many a fantasy.

I mean, I'm sure SOMEBODY thought of Sexy Igor at some point, but this just makes it that much more palatable.

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Evil Gets Oral With 12 Inches of Mouth of Sauron

Friday, August 14, 2015 at 6:30 am

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Despite the vaguely dirty headline, this mouth pleasures nobody. Like so many equally mouthy talk radio hosts, he simply promises death and destruction if those opposing him continue upon their current course.

$300 might seem like a hard price tag to swallow, until you realize he comes with his horse too. No, not like that.

Let's see if I can't elevate this conversation - Bruce Spence is the only guy to have a Lord of the Rings figure, a Mad Max figure and a Star Wars figure of himself, though none of them actually looks a whole lot like him. He's missing one from the other epic trilogy he was in - The Matrix - but anyone waiting on the Trainman as a toy might as well be waiting for the subway in Los Angeles after 1:30 a.m.

9 Stories From the Forgotten Realms That Should Make Their Way into the D&D Movieverse

Thursday, August 13, 2015 at 8:04 am

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By now you've heard the news that Warner Bros. has apparently won out a lengthy and complex legal battle to gain the rights to produce movies set in what has the potential to be the nerdiest movie universe of all time: Dungeons & Dragons. I saw the original theatrical attempt as a wee lad, and luckily, I don't remember any of it, meaning I'm all doe-eyed and optimistic for what could be in store for the D&D faithful with the backing of a massive production company.

The last D&D movie had nothing to do with its source material excepting the title, but it seems as though the first movie out of the gate under this new deal will be set in the extremely popular and long-running Forgotten Realms campaign setting. While I always counted myself a resident of Krynn (Dragonlance, for those not initiated), I have respect for many of the stories in the other major fantasy shared world: here are nine such stories that could and should be adapted for the big screen.

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Ernie Cline To Cut & Paste Write New Book

Tuesday, August 11, 2015 at 7:00 am

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Great news from THR last night: Crown Publishing, a crown being a thing worn by the person sitting the Iron Throne in popular book and television series The Game of Thrones, is sending a bunch of mack trucks filled with Federal Reserve gold just like in Die Hard 3 to purported author Ernie Cline's house to write like how Crash Override in Hackers wrote only this is writing a book and it's apparently about science fiction!

Goddamn I wish I had the patience to keep that schtick up. Anyway, reports indicate that the book's subject is a TOP SECRET, but in an exclusive scoop exclusive to Topless Robot that we only guessed but really, does it sound that off? We've heard that a first draft has already been submitted to Cline's editor! It's the script from Enemy Mine cut and pasted into Notepad, with a find and replace run on it swapping out every mention of "Willis Davidge" with "Bernie Clyne" and "Jerry" with "Chappy like from Iron Eagle." It's called "Mistaken Best Friends Starring Ernie Cline Age 31 and His Best Friend Lou Gossett Junior." MUST CREDIT TOPLESS ROBOT.


HBO's Westworld Teaser Is Supremely Creepy

Monday, August 10, 2015 at 6:30 am

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A forerunner of both Jurassic Park and The Terminator, Michael Crichton's Westworld was an obvious property for re-adapting. But getting creative with it? The hell you say? Who saw that coming?

It looks like the simple story of a killer cowboy robot gone bad just got a lot more complicated. I might even say:

Crichton, HBO the setting
And the viewers don't know what the TV is getting
The creme de la creme of the Westworld in a
Show with everything but Yul Brynner (DAH da-dump!).


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13 Times Character Deaths Pissed People off Rather than Adding Gravitas

Monday, August 3, 2015 at 5:00 am


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Whether you're talking about movies, TV shows, comics or books, every story needs stakes, and plenty of narrative devices are used to raise them. Perhaps the most oft employed device - the looming specter of death for our main characters - is also the most oft abused. The departure of Boromir in The Fellowship of the Ring is one of the most affecting deaths in film history, while Ned Stark's death toward the end of A Game of Thrones served to remind readers (and HBO viewers) that George R.R. Martin is not messing around.

For every brilliantly executed death, however, we're inundated with plenty of misses. Sometimes, these are crude and diverting, but for our purposes here, we'll count down 13 times character deaths actually lessened the narrative heft of a story and served to piss off its loyal audience rather than adding depth and emotion to the proceedings. [Spoilers for a bunch of (mostly) older things abound, most notably Game of Thrones and The Hunger Games, book versions.]


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Walking Dead/Star Wars Writer Gary Whitta Pitches Star Trek Toilet Training Book Pooping Is Logical

Thursday, July 30, 2015 at 10:27 am

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He's written Walking Dead video games, The Book of Eli, and the next Star Wars movie, Rogue One. But as a nerd parent, Gary Whitta wants his next project to be a book about Vulcans taking a dump.

Here's the problem. We can't get anyone to take this seriously. My agents have reached out to the people at Paramount and Bad Robot, who currently hold sway over anything Trek-related, and they apparently have no interest. Something about not wanting to associate their brand with poop? Whatever. I'm fairly confident that geeky parents of my generation would be all over a book like this. I can't imagine a better nerdy baby shower gift. It's intended to make potty-training - an often arduous and prolonged endeavor at the best of times - fun for both kids and their parents.
Could it just be that Vulcans don't use slang, and they'd say "defecation is logical"? Whatever. The book is written, but the licensing approval is the issue; as such, Whitta has issued a plea to people to reblog the idea and see what kind of support is out there for this idea.

He had me at Vulcans taking a dump

Official Book Guide to Lego Minifigs Comes With Exclusive Zombie Skateboarder

Monday, July 27, 2015 at 2:04 pm

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Brainssss, duuuude! A mash-up of two characters from the first collectible Minifig series, this li'l guy is aces at both gleaming the cube and eating your skin. He can also double as an Iggy Pop action figure, in case you need one.

But the skating dead isn't the only reason to pick up the upcoming I Love That Minifigure - the fact that it's a detailed visual guide to over 200 of them is the main one. Even though you know by now that everything is awesome, you need to know the specifics of exactly how awesome, and why, because anything less is a nerd fail. So feed your geek brain - that way it'll be nice and plump for Zombie Skater to enjoy later.