Rob Liefeld's Adventures of Adam and Eve

Monday, March 16, 2015 at 4:35 pm


"Even the most conservative estimates put Adam and Eve in the Garden at least 100 years, we don't really believe they were laying around staring longingly at each other the entire time right?"

This is a real thing that is happening. I can't wait.

Disney Reveals Frightening New Details About Live-Action Beauty and the Beast

Monday, March 16, 2015 at 11:21 am


So yeah, I just got a press release that says "The beloved tale will be retold for the big screen with a modern live-action lens and the help of transformative CG magic."

Who at Disney thought "transformative CG magic" was a positive that needed to be talked up? Really? I do intend to add it to my vocabulary in a completely ironic way, because I do that.

The movie's also opening on St. Patrick's Day of 2017, and will include new songs as well as the old ones. It's like they're trying to screw up the inevitable drunken sing-alongs by confusing us. But on the plus side, Kevin Kline and Emma Thompson have joined the cast, making the appearance of Luke Evans in the lead role even more baffling by comparison. Full release text below:

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RIP Discworld Author Terry Pratchett

Thursday, March 12, 2015 at 9:58 am

Federico Giacanelli

Following eight years of Alzheimer's and advocacy for assisted suicide, the pioneering author and early computer adapter "took Death's arm and followed him through the doors and on to the black desert under the endless night." He was 66.

His death was announced in the most authorly fashion imaginable.

I confess I do not know his work especially well, but for those of you who do, here's your space.

Watership Down May Be Getting a Remake...for the Wrong Goddamn Reasons

Tuesday, March 10, 2015 at 1:26 pm


As a fan of the book, I am - in theory - okay with a new filmed version, if the reasoning behind it is to go back and do the full story properly, without having to condense it into two hours or having any Art Garfunkel on the soundtrack.

Naturally, that's not the reason being given for doing one.

"People love the 1978 film in but with new CGI technology we can do amazing things - you can see the wind blowing the fur which you didn't get with the cartoon film," a mole (or should that rabbit?) tells
Yeah, and you'll also traumatize the kids way more when photo-realistic bunnies tear each others' throats out. The book doesn't over-emphasize the violence, but by not shying away from it, the cartoon inevitably did relative to other cartoons about animals.

Then again, the Radio Times article that's claiming this also seems to think Thumper from Bambi is a character in Watership Down, so maybe, mercifully, this is BS.

[Nice book cover, by the way. Who is the potential reader who thinks, "Watership Down, eh? I wonder if this is by the same guy who wrote the follow-up to Watership Down?"]

via Cartoon Brew

Disney Publishing Officially Rules out Star Wars Erotica

Tuesday, March 10, 2015 at 9:13 am


Relax, fan fiction writers. You're not going to have any official competition...for now. In the run-up to The Force Awakens, twenty-some new books will bridge the gap from the original trilogy with material that will be official canon...

Cecil Castellucci (author of Tin Star) will write Moving Target, an adventure following Princess Leia; Jason Fry, who earlier wrote Darth Maul: Shadow Conspiracy, will be the author of The Weapon of a Jedi, about Luke Skywalker; Claudia Gray, author of the Evernight series of fantasy books, will write a book titled Lost Stars; and Greg Rucka, a comic book scribe and writer of the Atticus Kodiak novels, will pen Smuggler's Run, a Han Solo tale.
...however, the Entertainment Weekly exclusive announcement concludes with this:
One publishing phenomenon you shouldn't expect from Journey to Star Wars: The Force Awakens?


In other words, no Yoda-themed 50 Shades of Green.

You now have your mission, should you choose to accept it.

Shailene Woodley, Whose Appeal Lies in Not Looking Like Barbie, Gets a Barbie

Monday, March 9, 2015 at 12:30 pm


I guess this is the girl equivalent of Stan Lee getting a He-Man physique and godly bio in the Masters of the Universe line. Shailene Woodley buffed up to play Tris in the Divergent movies, so of course the Barbie version slims her down again to starvation levels.

As I live with a Barbie collector who is not bothered by unrealistic body images, I can't really claim that this is a problem. I just know that if I worked out to get bigger, I'd be pissed if my toy then became a waif.

Gary Oldman's Lookin' Sexay and Shirtless as a 12" Toy

Friday, March 6, 2015 at 6:30 am


Sirius Black? More like some serious blackouts from the ladies and fellas who dig a fine nekkid chest, am I right? Become a prisoner of eyes-can-ban thoughts of nobility at any second! An un-hairy plotter for your chamber of secrets, this doll comes to you from Star Ace Limited, distributed in the UK by Big Chief Studios, and in the U.S. by Sideshow.

Yes, hardcore collectors may worry about the skin-tone matching between his head and torso, based on this picture. But what are you, an anti-Mudblood?

Adi Shankar's James Bond Fan Film Is Less Ambitious Than His Power Rangers.

Tuesday, March 3, 2015 at 8:00 am


Having finally settled things with Saban and re-uploaded "Power/Rangers" with more specifically negotiated legalese, Adi Shankar has dropped his new "gritty reboot": a James Bond fan film starring an aging Sean Connery Bond in the present day. Part RED and part Hollis Mason death scene in Watchmen, it's done in animatic storyboard form, and features Bond pining for the old days when he didn't have to pay for sex and could kill with impunity. Decent Connery impression too.

I typed this late at night when this video went up, so I hope it still appears below!

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Seduced by Doctor Bigfoot Is Your Horror of the Day

Monday, March 2, 2015 at 12:30 pm


There's really nothing I can say about this book that the synopsis doesn't:

On the eve of the biggest case of his life, attorney Mark Tucker gets some devastating news. The opposition has brought in a new lawyer, the notorious Nart Bulgok, who has never lost a case and is the mythical creature, Bigfoot, as well as a renowned doctor.

After completely botching his opening statement, Mark retreats to a nearby bar to nurse his wounds. But when Nart shows up to offer an olive branch, things take a turn for the unexpected.

Suddenly, the two of them find themselves wrapped up in a sordid night of erotic, gay desire, one that will change the shape of their hearts, and buttholes, forever.

This erotic tale is 4,200 words of sizzling human on gay bigfoot action, including anal, blowjobs, rough sex, and doctor lawyer love.

So who'll be the first commenter to pick "Nart Bulgok" as a username?

h/t Witney Seibold.

Double-Deckard! Blade Runner Sequel Is Official With Harrison Ford

Thursday, February 26, 2015 at 6:44 pm

EXCLUSIVE! The new poster.

I've seen things you wouldn't believe.

Harrison Ford signing on to a sequel to something he did 30-odd years ago is not one of them. Prisoners' Denis Villeneuve will direct.

One of the reasons we've never gotten decent Blade Runner toys is that actor likeness rights aren't included in any licensing deal. If any of the rest of the original cast comes back, maybe we can fix that. I'm not sure much else good can come from this, though having the original co-screenwriter Hampton Fancher aboard is a good sign. But which cut of the movie is it a sequel to? They should shoot like five different versions simultaneously just to please everyone.

Do Bad Nerds Dream of Electric Sequels?