The Best 9-Second Homer Simpson Impression You'll See Today (or Maybe Ever)

Thursday, April 2, 2015 at 2:44 pm

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It's not about the appearance so much - a TRULY committed impersonator would have shaved his head, even for 9 seconds, obviously. It's about the choreography, the timing and the set-dressing, which captures the Simpsons patriarch's pre-game ritual perfectly.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to go do my own imitation of this scene. Not for any cameras, mind you, but to fill the inner hole of insecurity with an artery blocking plug of junk food. It totally works, right?

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What. The. HELL. "Winnie the Pooh" to be Disney's Next Live-Action Adaptation?

Thursday, April 2, 2015 at 9:43 am

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John Collins

Today in "news nobody would have believed if it had come out yesterday":

Disney has hired Alex Ross Perry, the writer/director of the Sundance indie Listen Up Philip. The focus will be Christopher Robin as an adult, which brings him back to A.A. Milne's famous bear and the Hundred Acre Wood.
We are aware, are we not, of just how much the actual adult Christopher Robin married his first cousin and despised being seen as the cute kid in the books, right? Okay then.

There is a template for getting this kind of thing right, but I doubt it's the approach Disney will want to take. I'm praying for a Heffalump stampede over anybody involved.

The Disney and Pixar Cars-Star Wars Mashup of Nightmares

Wednesday, April 1, 2015 at 12:00 pm

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I'm sure you've ascertained right away that it isn't real - but I'll bet you at the very least that Disney theme parks WILL make toys that look like this.

In real life, of course, you wouldn't see people like Felicia Day and Bonnie Burton doing the voices - Pixar would probably get Jeff Foxworthy and Adrien Brody instead.

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10 Special Guest Villain Actors the Adam West Batman Animated Movie Should Get

Wednesday, April 1, 2015 at 5:00 am

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2015 is not 1966, but with the aid of animation, it sounds like we're getting a real throwback soon, as Adam West and Burt Ward announced last weekend that at least one - and maybe two - cartoon movies featuring themselves as Batman and Robin were on the way. For a medium that only requires their distinctive voices, age is not an issue for the Dynamic Duo.

Alas, that despicable fiend Father Time has made it an issue for most of their villains, as most of the greats, save Julie Newmar, have ascended to Bat-Heaven. Like all obstacles facing the caped crusaders, however, this is one that is not insurmountable. Start with the fact that recasting the bad guys was part and parcel of the original show. And continue that train of thought as you realize there are undoubtedly numerous stars of today who are huge fans, willing and able to take up the cause of crime in order to be busted by the Bat. In selecting some new contenders we'd like to see, the rules are as follows. One: as with the 1966 series, the actor chosen must already be some sort of celebrity, so that the joy of the performance comes in the merger of established persona with bad-guy costume. Two: re-casting old characters is perfectly acceptable. Three: we will assume that the characters will be drawn to resemble the actors voicing them.

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10 Transformers Spin-Off Movies That Could Happen (and How Bay and Goldsman Will Screw Them Up)

Tuesday, March 31, 2015 at 5:00 am

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IDW Publishing

Ladies and gentlemen, we may have finally taken this shared universe thing too far. Since 2008's Iron Man, we've seen an explosion of movies and television shows in which various characters and teams that populate the same canon jump in and out of each other's stories. Marvel Studios started the trend with Paramount before moving on to perfect it with Disney. The House of Mouse then continued to roll with that game plan by scheduling a barrage of Star Wars sequels and spin-offs. Warner Brothers, likely tired of being a laughing stock for their inability to capitalize cinematically on their own DC Comics properties, finally followed suit by announcing a massive slate of Justice League oriented features.

I bring all of this up because on Friday, Paramount announced that they have enlisted Akiva Goldsman (of Batman & Robin fame) to help put together a "writer's room" with the goal of generating Transformers sequels and spin-offs. Yes, as in the Michael Bay films.

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The Empire Is Totally Metal in This Anime-Style Star Wars "TIE Fighter" Short

Wednesday, March 25, 2015 at 9:00 am

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I'm a little slower to the party than normal due to a weekend that included a ride on a massive Ferris wheel with an open bar inside each pod. But speaking of enclosed spheres that give you a spinning sensation, this short about TIE fighter pilots scored to guitar rock is what I imagine Imperial propaganda to be like. Not only is the music way better than anything Star Wars characters actually listen to, but the spaceships actually manage to hit Rebel targets more often than not.

it took four years to complete, and is worth seven minutes of your time.

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Edible Sex Lube Based on Cartoon Ponies Is in the Works

Wednesday, March 25, 2015 at 8:00 am

Take a vacation for a couple of days, thought I. What could possibly happen? Mission: Impossible trailer? No biggie. X-Files doing six new episodes? Great, but I know anyone filling in for me can handle writing about that.

Seems it's just another uneventful...HOLYWHATTHEFUCK??

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This thing isn't available to buy yet, but the Etsy page is already set up. Are you ready for the product description?

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Are We All Ready for a Family Guy/Star Trek Crossover Game? No? Too Bad.

Friday, March 20, 2015 at 12:48 pm

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It's actually a limited-time game within the Quest for More Stuff app, and thankfully, it's The Next Generation, rather than anything to make Leonard Nimoy spin in his grave (which makes sense when you consider what pals Seth MacFarlane and Patrick Stewart obviously are). Still, as much as I enjoy both franchises sometimes, the synopsis made me a trifle ill, and not in the good Beastie Boys way:

Commander William Riker is on a mission to protect baby Stewie Griffin, whose future self will create technology that threatens the Borgs' existence. Riker also enlists family patriarch Peter Griffin to repair the Enterprise, save the crew, and protect the future of mankind.
At this point, wouldn't killing Peter Griffin's mother, Terminator-style, be the best way to save mankind a whole hell of a lot of trouble? Make that the crossover, and allow me to actually kill Peter when he's 12 and looks like adult Peter with an Edward Furlong haircut and stupid '90s references, and I might be sold. Tell you what, Seth, I'll even write you some dialogue:

"This is really bad, like the time he said he'd be back."
FLASHBACK: "I'll be back"
"Hey! You're back! Just like you said!"

Alas, this instead...

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"Streets of Cage," the Nicolas Cage Genesis Game That Never Existed (but Needs to)

Friday, March 20, 2015 at 10:00 am

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Hey, Sega had a video game version of Michael Jackson's Moonwalker - why not every recent Nicolas Cage movie in one game based entirely on Streets of Rage?

The impersonation could be a little better - but maybe it's a meta-riff on how half-assed Jean Claude Van-Damme's line-readings were for the Street Fighter: The Movie game.

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Disney Reveals Frightening New Details About Live-Action Beauty and the Beast

Monday, March 16, 2015 at 11:21 am

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So yeah, I just got a press release that says "The beloved tale will be retold for the big screen with a modern live-action lens and the help of transformative CG magic."

Who at Disney thought "transformative CG magic" was a positive that needed to be talked up? Really? I do intend to add it to my vocabulary in a completely ironic way, because I do that.

The movie's also opening on St. Patrick's Day of 2017, and will include new songs as well as the old ones. It's like they're trying to screw up the inevitable drunken sing-alongs by confusing us. But on the plus side, Kevin Kline and Emma Thompson have joined the cast, making the appearance of Luke Evans in the lead role even more baffling by comparison. Full release text below:

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