Scientifically Accurate Chip 'n Dale's Rescue Rangers Is Obsessed With Boners

Friday, September 5, 2014 at 1:00 pm

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Chipmunks have bones in their penises. Needless to say, this latest in Fox ADHD's deconstructions of cartoon animal shows emphasizes that fact over and over.

Also, be forewarned - this is the first of these shorts to integrate live-action footage, and it REALLY ain't pretty. Your eyeballs might be in need of rescuing afterwards.

And you're gonna click anyway, aren't you?

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Super Terrific Japanese Thing: Hello Kitty Crotchless Panties for Your Phone

Friday, September 5, 2014 at 11:30 am

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I think somebody tried to explain the concept of "phone sex" to the Japanese, and they got confused. Or maybe the phrase "Hello Pussy" was mistranslated.

Either way, your phone just gained the ability to get a lot more slutty. And you thought setting it to "vibrate" was suggestive.

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I READ YOUR FANFIC! "The Quest for the Holey Grail Part 3" by KingAurthr2

Friday, September 5, 2014 at 8:00 am

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If you want to submit fan fiction for me to read, please send it - or a link to it - to toplessrobot-at-gmail-dot-com with subject line "Read my Fanfic!"

This is it. The final installment of the adventures of Gandalg, Argaron, Scoody-boo, Hairy Poter, Dcoctor Who, Indian Jones and Professor Snake as they take on the Drak forces of Voldemore, Sauraon, the Man Made of Blod and more.

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If You Really Gave Teenagers a Giant Combining Robot...

Thursday, September 4, 2014 at 1:01 pm

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Going where the live-action Power Rangers parody Jossy's didn't have the budget to go, "Robot King" looks at what might actually happen if realistic teenagers were entrusted with a vehicle combiner like Voltron.

Spoiler: they wouldn't be awesome defenders of the universe.

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Why Not (Sex With) Zoidberg? The All-Female Futurama Porn Is Coming

Thursday, September 4, 2014 at 11:30 am

Yes, ALL-female. Even Bender.

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Sorry, wrinkle-fetishists - the Professor has been cast inappropriately young; Axel Braun would never stand for such inaccuracy. Amy also does not appear to be Asian, and there's no Hermes. But if you've always dreamed of a red lobster woman, they have you covered.

Totally NSFW pics HERE.

The Captain Planet Theme, a Cappella, Is Something We've Always Needed

Thursday, September 4, 2014 at 10:00 am

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There are many, many reasons to hate cartoons that are so calculatedly put together to make kids favor a particular political agenda.

BUT...

There is NO reason to hate the theme song of one such cartoon that has maintained itself as an earworm through the decades.

Or maybe there is. Perhaps you're upset that you cannot maintain the self-control to remove it from your brain. But you know what they say...

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New Scene From Disney's Big Hero 6 Explains Why Baymax Doesn't Always Work Correctly

Wednesday, September 3, 2014 at 5:00 am

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He's a "personal healthcare companion"! Now it all makes sense.

Like every healthcare provider ever, he's over-inflated, awkwardly designed, inefficient and tends to come apart at the seams. And - most likely - he'll save lives sometimes anyway, against all those odds.

If you're the parent of a kid who likes toys, he'll wind up costing you a ton of out-of-pocket expenses too.

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What the Hell Happened to TMNT's Bebop?

Tuesday, September 2, 2014 at 2:29 pm

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Rocksteady's got the same military vibe going, but what's up with his piggy pal? Did he raid Megan Fox's wardrobe? Or Olivia Wilde's from Tron? Maybe the cartoon explains it.

I'd like to think that is an extremely elaborate in-joke - a sort of Hawkeye Initiative dig at the way the New 52 redesigns female superheroes. Because I'd say Jean Grey wore it slightly better:

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The Epic Toy Company

I feel like the ladies maybe deserve someone better looking than a pig in their version.

h/t TeenageMutantNinjaTurtles.com

Live-Action The Tick Returning With Patrick Warburton?

Friday, August 29, 2014 at 6:29 pm

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Yes...this according to People magazine, an odd source for superhero news, so maybe take it with a grain of salt, but anyway - they say it will be back as an original series for Amazon.com.

The original series was probably a bit too "before its time," but with Guardians of the Galaxy set to become the #1 movie of the year, I'm not surprised funny superheroes are hot again, and this one's a pre-existing property with stars who haven't become super-expensive in the years since.

Are you ready for mysteries to abound again? Also, what is up with that oblong codpiece?

h/t Merrill Barr

GIVEAWAY: Badass 30th Anniversary Voltron T-Shirts

Friday, August 29, 2014 at 4:42 pm

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We ain't lion - these TV Store Online Voltron shirts are pretty sweet and you can win the pair of them, doing your part to defend the universe from the scourge of naked torsos. As a special bonus, this offer isn't just open to U.S. residents...but Canadians too! You folks probably need a couple extra layers for winter anyway.

Labor Day ends the summer movie season, so here's what we'll do: in comments below, tell me what you'd do if you had complete power to remake one of this year's summer films, but were forbidden to use anyone involved in the original (i.e. you can't remake Captain America 2 and still have Chris Evans play Cap). Use your powers for good or evil, and for the sake of argument, we'll define "summer" as loosely as you like. Just be entertaining.

The entry period closes next Friday, Sept. 5th at noon. Enter as often you like, remembering that quality usually triumphs over quantity.

Image above is for illustration only - sizes up to XXXL are available.