Divergent and Maleficent Trailers Feel Familiar, for Better and (Mostly) Worse

Wednesday, November 13, 2013 at 10:17 am


Maleficent SHOULD feel familiar, of course - it's what Disney is counting on. What's most surprising is how much they're leaning thus far on recreating scenes from Sleeping Beauty that we've seen before, when I thought the whole idea was to show Maleficent's tale from when she was younger, and how she turned bad. Elle Fanning's Aurora sounds pretty much like Elle Fanning. It looks cool, but so did Tim Burton's Alice in Wonderland from trailers alone.

As for Divergent - its familiarity isn't based on my having read any book, but the fact that the whole premise is basically the Sorting Hat from Harry Potter, with the tattoos and chaste romance of The Mortal Instruments, which itself was already based on Harry Potter fanfic. I like that Shailene Woodley isn't your typical Hollywood glamor girl, but that's about it so far on that one.

Both are after the jump.

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Super Sexy Topless Weekend Hangover Aggregation Fun Time! - 11-11-13

Monday, November 11, 2013 at 10:00 am

Collecting highlights from the best reader-submitted tips in the weekend thread. A lot of duplicates this week, so I went with the first in most cases...I think.

It's 11-11. Make a wish!

Oh, you wanted to see KISS and Lynda Carter together? (skrag2112)

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Ready for a WWE Babies Cartoon?

Monday, November 4, 2013 at 4:00 pm

No, seriously. The '80s had Rock 'n Wrestling, and today's kids get this...

Presumably Counselor Vince, CM Punk and Sheamus

It's going to be a 13-episode series of 3-minute web shorts.

CAMP WWE follows these unruly tykes as they body slam their way through their formative years. Proving to be a nightmare for teachers and other kids, their exhausted parents pack-up their future WWE Superstars with their masks, chains, kneepads and security blankets and send them off to Camp WWE, to be transformed into model citizens by the most terrifying counselor who ever lived, Mr. McMahon.

Hmm....when I hear "masks, chains, kneepads and security blankets" I don't think of children at camp. I don't actually want to even go into what I think about. But like summer camp, it certainly involves tears at first.

via press release

William Shatner's "Goldilocks and the Three Bears"

Friday, November 1, 2013 at 2:30 pm


Somehow, William Shatner sounds more elegant than your average dirty minded old man, but that doesn't mean he's any less of one. Here, his take on a classic tends to veer off script quite a bit, and by the time he's referring to Red Riding Hood as "Riddled Tit Groin Hole" you may wonder about your sanity.

Still...Shatner saying "Riddled Tit Groin Hole." You don't hear that every day.

That phrase and more after the jump.

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South Park Game Delayed Till March, but Here's a Gameplay Trailer Anyway

Friday, November 1, 2013 at 10:00 am


Aaaaand there goes at least one idea for the fun-lovin', foul-mouthed libertarian on your holiday list - The Stick of Truth is now looking at a release date of March 4th. In other words, if you were hoping for it by December, screw you guys...you're going home.

Disappointment's bad, m'kay? So there's no way you're getting out of here completely empty handed; there is a new trailer out featuring the turn-based battles. It does feel like there's more emphasis on cut-scenes rather than actual play - the gamble here could well be that Ubisoft wants to hook casual gamers, and damn the hardcore players. Derp! Rob Schneider is...The Release Date.

See what you make of the new trailer after the jump. Is it super mega coo, or Barbra Streisand?

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Hello Kitty as a Giant Battle Robot

Thursday, October 31, 2013 at 2:30 pm


If my life were a drinking game observed by a Truman Show-like audience, one of the signals to be imbibe would be every time my wife utters the phrase, "Look at the kitty. What's she saying?" I feel like enunciating that particular phrase right now, as Google Translator doesn't work on images - what IS this particular Kitty saying? That Sanrio is trying to market their female-skewing toys to boys now by adding spring-loaded missile hands?

And what exactly does it say about someone when they choose to ride around inside a giant robot replica of themselves, with bleeding-eye paint job?


I mean, I would, but I'd make it a cooler version of myself, with better abs and more tattoos and cool shit like that. Kitty's content with a scale clone that's slightly creepy, but certainly a unique way to celebrate 40 years.

Hey, I'm getting close to that age myself. Start building, y'all.

via tamashii.jp

McFarlane Toys to Do Rabbids

Wednesday, October 30, 2013 at 1:00 pm


I reckon it was about time for him to try to grab a cartoon-like license again.

Evidently Todd sees the potential for his very own Mr. Potato Head, as the main line of Rabbids figures will have interchangeable facial features, outfits and accessories. For those counting, that makes two current McFarlane lines with body parts you can pull off...the other being The Walking Dead.

The license also includes mini-figurines, larger electronic figures and plush toys. One of the mini-figurines would appear to be a realistic representation of Todd himself, holding one of his valuable autographed baseballs...


Well, it should be, if it isn't.

Blu-ray Today: Monsters Get Schooled, Dead Guys Are Cops, Ladders Are Lethal

Tuesday, October 29, 2013 at 8:00 am

Lordy, I thought last week was sparse for Blu-rays, but unless you're a fan of second-tier Pixar, today's a bit of a loss too. I didn't care for Monsters University much...I didn't hate it, but simply couldn't be arsed to actually care about anything in it. To the extent that I liked the first one (which isn't a lot), it was mainly due to Boo, the cute and fearless toddler who spoke gibberish. By necessity, she's not in this prequel, and the origin of the animosity between Mike and Randall is astonishingly non-interesting (he joins a popular frat full of jerks. That's it). The weirdest thing about this movie is that it's a college flick marketed to audiences way too young to understand college jokes, yet so judiciously family friendly that it isn't interesting for those who are old enough. Starring late middle-age men.

And then there's Cars, which is being newly released in 3D, and features one of my least-favorite Hollywood tropes of all time: the celebrity leading a great life who winds up in a small town where - by virtue of falling for the local hottie, who is inexplicably unmarried - he learns that in fact he was never happy before, and small-town life is where it's at. With that said, after a week at Disneyland and California Adventure, my appreciation for Cars as ancillary product has gone way up. With the exception of a disappointing tire ride, the attractions based upon the movie are incredibly fun, from the tractor-pull spin to Radiator Springs Racers, an epically huge "wild ride" through Radiator Springs followed by a roller-coaster style race. Sure, the movie's merchandised to death, but some of that merchandise is truly "ka-chow" worthy.

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10 Bizarrely Great Manifestations of Brother Theodore

Tuesday, October 29, 2013 at 6:00 am


Halloween is in the air! And there's little that can put some of us in that festively macabre spirit like the rantings of the great Theodore Gottlieb, a.k.a. Theodore, a.k.a. Brother Theodore. A fixture for decades on the Manhattan theatre scene, this one-man spook show - storyteller, actor and stand-up absurdist philosopher - was one of the pioneers of what is now called "performance art."

Theodore ultimately gained a small degree of mainstream celebrity, as a curmudgeonly, hilariously contentious talk-show guest. But he'd been on the fringe of American show business since the 1940s, soon after he'd fled his native Germany and wound up in California, with few skills beyond a talent for chess. His long, peculiar list of credits ranges from porn movies to NPR radio drama, from serials to Tolkien to Tom Hanks.

If you've never heard of him - and even you have and want to relive his high points, as you should - here are ten highlights from a strangely great career...

1. David Letterman Guest

Theodore had been a frequent talk-show guest since at least the '60s, grousing and grumbling to Dick Cavett, Jack Paar, Johnny Carson and especially to Merv Griffin - it was Griffin who, noting his clerical or monastic appearance, had dubbed him "Brother." But the generation who grew up on Stupid Pet Tricks and Top Ten Lists first became aware of him through his many appearances, in the '80s, on Late Night With David Letterman.

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Mr. Peabody & Sherman Trailer Gives Me Bill & Ted Vibes

Friday, October 25, 2013 at 11:30 am


For the first time since How to Train Your Dragon (which they've rightfully capitalized the hell out of), I think Dreamworks animation may have a genuinely good movie on their hands that doesn't depend on the usual template of pop songs and references. Granted, Jay Ward's daughter is supervising, so they have more incentive than usual not to mess it up...not that that stopped the live-action Rocky and Bullwinkle, but animation-to-animation transitions are a bit easier.

I've seen more clips than have been released to the public, and found it a relief to have a kids' movie protagonist who's actually smart, and allowed to display intelligent humor (like the original cartoons, it may subtly teach the kids something about history while they're not expecting it). The trailer mostly sells action beats, which may not appeal as much to the original generation of fans (let's have a moratorium on giant portals in the sky, please), but the Trojan Horse gag is more indicative, from what I've seen, of the overall tone.

It's time for cartoon movies to be fun again. Please don't suck.

Trailer after the jump.

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