First Look at El Caballero Oscuro Vuelve

Wednesday, June 13, 2012 at 9:51 am

Skip ahead to about 11:54 of this 12:37-long preview for DC's animated Dark Knight Returns direct-to-DVD animation (complete with Spanish subtitles!) and you'll get to see about 10 seconds of the animation. Watch the 12 minutes preceding that 10 seconds of animation, though, and you'll get a few character designs, a lot of voice work, a shit-ton of panels from Frank Miller's original comics, and a lot of talking heads talking about how great and seminal DKR was while trying to not avoid mentioning that modern Frank Miller has lost his mind.

Listening to the voice work, I'm wondering if Frank Miller's dialogue -- especially the Mutants -- is going to be too ridiculous to work when spoken out loud (see also The Spirit). Also, I'm a little worried that Peter Weller sounds a bit too... neutral for the raving Clint Eastwood-type Batman is supposed to be in this, but I'm withholding judgment. I don't know. Something about this whole thing seems off to me, and I can't quite put my finger on it. Other than it no longer being the '80s, I mean.

The 5 Best and 5 Worst Toonami Couples

Wednesday, June 13, 2012 at 8:07 am
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Hello, Toonami faithful! People across the internet have been celebrating ever since the news broke, but if you haven't heard, Cartoon Network's groundbreaking cartoon block, Toonami, is back on the airwaves! Everyone's hoping to see their favorite anime shows once again, but one thing that's interesting to note is just how many of Toonami's shows deal with romance, even though Toonami series are mostly associated with mecha, Super Saiyans and swordfights.

You can pretend you're watching Toonami simply for the action, but romances are really at the heart of a lot of these series. These romances contribute more to their make-up than you might realize. The best cartoon couples have qualities that resemble real-life couples -- they carry a special spark that makes viewers fall in love with them as well. However, there are those irritating couples that resemble the couples you hate in real life -- they have nothing in common with each other, don't understand each other at all, and suck all of the life out of a room (or, in this case, a cartoon show). Below are some of the best and worst romances in Toonami's ouevre. Sometimes, there are couples you love to love, and then there are those you love to hate. More >>

Clone War Is Hell

Tuesday, June 12, 2012 at 4:04 pm

Apologies if anyone has seen this Clone Wars season 5 trailer already -- it seems to have been around, but Entertainment Weekly thinks its new -- my apologies, but to everyone else, hey, new Clone Wars season 5 trailer. I could complain about Darth Maul needlessly sticking around when there are still a million other villains in the show, or the attack of the Mandalorians, who are getting as overused as Boba Fett ever was, but I'm cutting it a break for two reasons: 1) it doesn't use the "Duel of the Fates theme" (I can't tell you how glad I am to see something Star Wars and finally not hear that goddamn song), and 2) black lightsabers. I'm not made of stone. Thanks to Mike T. for the tip.

Teen Titans, Go! ...And Now Come Back

Friday, June 8, 2012 at 11:22 am
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From a Cartoon Network press release:
DC Nation, Cartoon Network's home for action-packed animated series and original shorts based on characters from DC Comics (Saturdays 10:00-11:00 a.m. ET/PT), will soon be joined by a new generation of superheroes as Teen Titans Go!, a brand-new half-hour comedy-action series inspired by Warner Bros. Animation's original fan-favorite series Teen Titans, shows the humorous side of being a teenage hero. 

 Teen Titans Go! features the return of Robin, Starfire, Raven, Beast Boy and Cyborg in all-new, comedic adventures. Character-driven comedy is the order of the day as this new take on the super hero series focuses on the funny business that happens between saving the world and living together as teenagers without adult supervision. They may be super heroes who save the world every day ... but somebody still has to do the laundry! With the ability to turn into any animal or detach their robotic limbs, teenage pranks reach a whole new level. And even super heroes have to take Driver's Ed. to get a license - especially after wrecking the Batmobile on an unauthorized joy ride to impress a girl! 

Featuring the principal voice cast from the original series - Greg Cipes as Beast Boy, Scott Menville as Robin, Khary Payton as Cyborg, Tara Strong as Raven and Hynden Walch as Starfire - Teen Titans Go! recaptures everything audiences loved about the original show, while adding laughter at the lighter side of being a super hero. ... this side-splitting series will premiere on Cartoon Network in 2013 as part of the DC Nation programming block.
I loved the original Teen Titans cartoon, but I while I'm happy to see it back on the air -- even in goofier, SD form -- it had its day. I'd much rather have a Super Best Friends Forever half-hour show. On the other hand, maybe this news is making the jackass that canceled the original Teen Titans cartoon feel a moron, and that's pretty satisfying, too. Thanks to Halfazedninja for the tip. (Via DC Women Kicking Ass)

Beware the Hasbro-Created SDCC Brony Stampede

Friday, June 8, 2012 at 10:44 am
Hasbro has not authorized an official My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic fan walk at SDCC, or a run, or any other type of group movement. And yet, when the doors open to SDCC in mid-July, you'd best get out of the way of the thousands of MLP fans who are going to want this more than anything they've ever wanted in their entire lives:
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Hasbro's MLP SDCC exclusive, Derpy Hooves. If you don't know the story of Derpy Hooves -- well, consider yourself lucky, but if you need to know, just read this terrifyingly clinical Wikipage on the Derpy Hooves phenomenon on Know Your Meme. But all you really need to know is that Bronies will have no compunction about killing their own grandmothers for a shot at owning this figure. However, if you manage to get one (and live through SDCC), it might as well be made of solid gold for what you'll be able to sell for on eBay. Just sayin'.

Goddammit, Avengers: EMH Really Is Canceled

Thursday, June 7, 2012 at 9:39 am
Goddamit. From a goddamn print-only Marvel press release:
The Avengers: Earth's Mightiest Heroes won't be renewed for the 3rd Season. Marvel Animation will present their newly developed series Marvel's Avengers Assemble in 2013.
Godfuckingdammit. The ratings might have been low (and I'm assured by my sources that they were, so you can't totally blame new Marvel TV showrunner Jeph Loeb for this), but I don't care. Avengers: Earth's Mightiest Heroes was perfect. It's my favorite incarnation of the Avengers ever. It gave all the main Avengers their origins. It was packed with less famous Marvel heroes and villains, while never sacrificing story. It covered "Under Siege," "Secret Invasion," "The Korvac Saga," the Surtur saga, and attacks by Ultron, Kang. Doctor Doom, and AIM, and made their threats seems genuinely threatening. It brought in the Fantastic Four, Ms. Marvel, Luke Cage and Iron Fist, the Guardians of the Galaxy, and so many more. It included my favorite versions of Hulk, Hank Pym, Wasp, and gave us the quintessential versions of Thor, Iron Man, Captain America, and many, many more. It was outstanding, and now it's being canceled for a show that will almost certainly be worse. That show will be Avengers Assemble, coming out in 2013.
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I wouldn't get too excited by the art style, as I'm pretty sure this is just a mock-up of the movie-friendly roster. Unless this show reveals the Marvel-verse is a wide and awesome as Avengers: Earth's Mightiest Heroes, and does the characters as correctly, and brings us all these classic Marvel stories, it's going to be less good than Avengers: EMH -- and there's no way it can do any of these things, as it's going to be beholden to the movie-verse. Avengers: EMH was perfect. Avengers Assemble will not be. Goddammit. Goddammit. (Via Nerd Bastards)

Pixar's Gettin' Down n' Nerdy with Wreck-It Ralph

Wednesday, June 6, 2012 at 3:05 pm
Pixar generally makes great, family-friendly, thoughtful and massively entertaining movies. Like, they do it consistently. So there's no surprise that Pixar's new movie Wreck-It Ralph looks fantastic -- it's that's a large portion of it is devoted to nerds.

Yep, the evil classic arcade bad guy tires of being a bad guy and decides to job-hop through a variety of videogames, new and old. If you don't feel a twinge of nerdy pleasure at seeing Zangief, M. Bison, a Pac-Man ghost, Dr. Robotnik and Bowser all hanging out at a videogame villain support group, well, you're probably on the wrong website (because you looking for pictures of "topless robots," undoubtedly). What's already obvious is that while there's clearly going to be a great deal of humor for older/adult nerds -- because what child knows what the hell Q-bert is anymore? -- Pixar is talented enough to have younger audiences feel the humor of the reference, even if they have no idea about the specifics of the reference. Anyways, I expect Wreck-It here to earn a jillion dollars.

Ironically, I also expect the videogame adaptation of the movie to be incredibly awful, but let's not worry about that right now.

Update: So it's not a Pixar movie, just a regular Disney animation. My bad. But I don't feel like rewriting the whole damn thing, so please accept this as my correction.

Fan Fiction Friday: Balto in "The Hero, The Legend, The Rapist"

Friday, June 1, 2012 at 2:02 pm
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I don't know how many of you actually remember the 1995 animated movie Balto, ostensibly a true story about a dog that helped save an Alaska town from a diphtheria outbreak in 1925. You don't really need to know anything about Balto in order to be truly horrified by this tale from author countrydog20101 (and sent in by Nick P.), other than it's exactly what you think a 1995 animated movie about a heroic dog would be, and also that Kevin Bacon voiced Balto. Shall we?

It has been several months after balto saved the town of Nome from the diphtheria crisis. With Jenna pregnant, he was left without any sex from her for the next 9 weeks. he knew he wouldn't be getting any from her anytime soon, so he decided to another way to satisfy his sexual urges. He was still very horny, and longed to shove his big long dogmeat into someone.

He decided to take a walk into town, as he tried to shrug of the ugre to plow himself into the first bitch he saw. He walking along when suddenly, he tripped over something, falling face first into the cold, wet snow . He turned to see that it was book buried under the white and substance. He was to pick it up, but as he did, as dark aura surround the strange book. There was a quick and instantaneous flash of light, that obstructed his vision momentarily. When he was able to see again, he saw a beautiful panther demon. She layed there in the snow, bound in chains, and vulnerable.

Oh lord. Has there ever been a decent story which included the phrase "beautiful panther demon"? I submit to you there has not. Unfortunately, the "beautiful panther demon" doesn't crack the top five problems of this story, as you'll see if you're fool enough to hit the jump.

More >>

Weep for the Mega Man Cartoon That Might Have Been

Tuesday, May 29, 2012 at 5:05 pm

Surely most of us remember the awesome opening to the incredibly non-awesome Mega Man cartoon. It was an amazing piece of animation -- and a bitter lie to anyone who made the mistake of the watching the Mega Man cartoon proper, which looked like it was animated by one-armed drunks in some kind of Thai prison. Well, now the opening is even more awesome, as someone decided to recreate it in true 8-bit fashion. The results are fantastic... if a little depressing. Because seriously, if one of the dudes working on the Mega Man cartoon had just decided to film himself playing the NES games, the show would have been so much better. Thanks to SlyDante for the tip. (Via Destructoid)

The 10 Worst Episodes of Transformers

Friday, May 25, 2012 at 8:05 am
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Transformers was one of those cartoon series with a general plot that was so simplistic yet original that you could kick yourself for never coming up with such a lucrative idea on your own. And because of this unexpected marriage between cosmic civil war and robots that transform into vehicles, the minds behind the show's creation saw dollar signs in their eyes for every one of the 98 episodes -- they really couldn't end the series at an impressive 100 episodes? -- that aired from 1984 to 1987; not including the 1986 movie that pretty much let the executives of Hasbro and Sunbow Productions buy party yachts. But with so many episodes and a movie having been produced within such a short span of time, it is safe to say that quantity over quality was definitely the mantra for the companies pulling the puppet strings behind the cartoon (which isn't to say that every episode was terrible, there were some really memorable ones). Some awful episodes were more tolerable than others, but which truly horrendous ones stand out from the rest? Find out in 10 of the worst episodes of Transformers! It goes without saying that Daniel and Wheelie make appearances on this list, yes? More >>