I READ YOUR FANFIC! America Molested by McDonald's Happy Meals, Part 2

Friday, October 17, 2014 at 1:00 pm


If you want to submit fan fiction for me to read, please send it - or a link to it - to toplessrobot-at-gmail-dot-com with subject line "Read my Fanfic!"

Title: "America Goes To McDonald's And Never Comes Back (Part 2 of 2)" by Konata101

Logline: "America," a nation embodied herein by an overweight man with glasses named Alfred, investigates an empty McDonald's. Or so he thinks. It's full of evil, homicidal Happy Meals who proceed to have their way with him. So far, they've force fed him a cardboard box filled with fries. As we begin, he is being double-penetrated from the rear. Yeah. It gets bad.

Acts Involved: Anal rape, double-penetration, force-feeding, oral sex, anal leakage, defecation fetish, male lactation, cramming, male-impregnation, alien-style chestbursting live birth.

Participants: America, the McDonald's Happy Meal creatures.

The Live Reading/Performance...

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NEW COMIC BOOK DAY: Con Crud Edition

Wednesday, October 15, 2014 at 8:00 am

Dark Horse Comics
The New York Daily News was reporting earlier this week that New York City has its first cases of ebola. They had to retract the report when the city Department of Health confirmed that it wasn't ebola, just con plague. Thank God that wasn't in my con haul this year. All I got was a black and white Essential Judge Dredd, The Rise of Aurora West, three emails from an 8 year old kid who really wants to discuss the Phalanx, March, Atomic Robo: Real Science Adventures vol. 1; a rash on my arm, Underwater Welder, and this week's best book.

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Ask Luke's Mother-in-Law: Delayed by NYCC Edition

Friday, October 10, 2014 at 4:00 pm


Martha Boyd is not just Luke's mother-in-law - she's also an ex-cop, a landlord, a self-described crazy cat lady, a major Star Trek geek and the widow of a green beret. So go ahead: ask her anything. And we mean anything. Just be polite when you do.

Hi again! Last week out here was busy between work and events. The rock and gem show was 5 days in downtown Joshua Tree, and next on the weekend was the Gubler Orchid Festival out in Landers. I have included pics of the flowers - very pretty this year. This is the start of the tourist season as the weather gets cooler. Soon we will be invaded with all of the rock climbers.

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New Comic Book Day: A WYTCH!

Wednesday, October 8, 2014 at 8:00 am

It's October, so that means Halloween-themed everything which explains the uptick in horror books on the stands now. Fortunately, most of them were very good -Scott Snyder and Jock's new creator-owned horror book from Image, Wytches, drops its first issue this week; the first issue of the Alien vs. Predator entry of the new Alien/Prometheus/Predator crossover hits; and 30 Days of Night's Steve Niles sees his adventure horror book The October Faction start. Elsewhere, Bravest Warriors hits a milestone issue, the closest thing to an Elmore Leonard comic out there moves along, Marvel's new big crossover starts and Batgirl wants to talk to you about bespoke, locally sourced Kevlar capes.

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ROBOTIC GAMING MONTHLY - Destiny, Danganronpa, and Death at The Hands of Freddy

Tuesday, October 7, 2014 at 6:00 am

Art by CitrusKing46

Welcome another edition of Robotic Gaming Monthly, Topless Robot's monthly column devoted to whatever in the wide words of video games has washed up recently!

This time around, it's pretty much a full-on review special as we tackle ten different games for your enjoyment! We won't say what they are, but will indeed say that they are some super titles that will absolutely smash the competition and provide massive enjoyment for brothers and sisters of all ages! So let's get on with the show!

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New Comic Book Day: An Alleged Diversity Hire

Wednesday, October 1, 2014 at 8:00 am

Oh, hi there. I'm Charles and I'll be passive aggressively complaining-explaining comics today.

"Complanxing," if you will.

Not that there's much to complain about: Jason Aaron kicks off a newThor arc introducing the female incarnation of the character (albeit slowly) - plus, the dude's got his own creator-owned book, Men of Wrath, out this week. Alright, that last one I'm a little iffy on because of the sheer "high concept for the sake of getting adapted into a screenplay"-ness of it, but more Jason Aaron comics remain alright by me.

Moreover! DC makes a big fuss about the New Gods in the busily-titled Green Lantern/New Gods: Godhead #1, Batman does a little actual detectin' in Detective Comics, Finn's still dealing with a little memory loss over in Adventure Time, and Ricky Rouse Has a Gun takes home the prize for title of the week.

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Ask Luke's Mother-in-Law: How CHiPs Gets It Wrong. Also, Pet Detective!

Thursday, September 25, 2014 at 11:36 am


Martha Boyd is not just Luke's mother-in-law - she's also an ex-cop, a landlord, a self-described crazy cat lady, a major Star Trek geek and the widow of a green beret. So go ahead: ask her anything. And we mean anything. Just be polite when you do.

Wow, it has been busy since we last chatted. I went to the First Joshua Tree Film Fesitval. Have sent a pic of the fest's founder, "Q" (no not Q from Star Trek). He is on the right and the pet detective Mr. Jack Tyler on the left. We saw the documentary " If Only Cats Could Talk" by Signe Veje from Denmark. It is the story of 2 cats - one a missing one out of Huntington Beach, CA and the other a cat who lives in a library. Anyway I got to speak with Mr. Tyler prior to the screening. He is a cat naturalist and tracks missing cats in their ecosystem. He said that missing cats don't generally wander too far from home unless they try to hide in something like a truck bed or open car. Cats like to hide and will generally lay low. Generally a house cat when it escapes will return and come out of hiding in about 8 days.

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New Comic Book Day: Sinestro's Super Slam and Barbarella's Big Book!

Wednesday, September 24, 2014 at 8:00 am

How in the flippin' flip is it almost flippin' Halloween? I mean, sure, it's a month away, but when The Simpsons Treehouse of Horrors is on comics shelves, you know that most of your year has passed right on by.

Farewell 2014 (kind of, sort of) and hello books about Sinestro in lockup. Will he recite Rorschach's "You're locked in here with me" speech? Because it's a bonus if he does.

Meanwhile, over at IDW, G.I. Joe gets a new number one (and change in directon. Magneto goes hunting for the ultimate Nazi - the Red Skull. I mean, cyborg Wolfenstein Hitler is technically the ultimate Nazi, but the Red Skull is up there. Oh, and Humanoids offers a massive reprint of Barbarella that might be a little too rich for my blood.

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Ask Luke's Mother-in-Law: How Realistic Is Battlefield Hardline?

Thursday, September 18, 2014 at 8:00 am


Martha Boyd is not just Luke's mother-in-law - she's also an ex-cop, a landlord, a self-described crazy cat lady, a major Star Trek geek and the widow of a green beret. So go ahead: ask her anything. And we mean anything. Just be polite when you do.

Happy Thursday all. Hope you have all had a great week so far and are looking forward to the weekend; I know I am. Last week I posted about the new nail polish I tried, and one comment was I should have done the Vulcan salute. So here it is. As you can see the polish did not last 2 weeks, as advertised - it was really great for about a week and then started to fall apart between last week and this week's rants. But it did last longer than any other polish that I have ever tried. So I would buy it again.

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New Comic Book Day: When the Futures End, We'll All Be Jerks

Wednesday, September 17, 2014 at 8:00 am

There are event books, and then there are books that are events. I don't know what the distinction is, but it seemed like a thing to write.

In this week's New Comic Book Day roundup, I have some words about (for, really) DC's latest, sprawling octopus of an event, Futures End, and the curious thematic direction the line seems to be headed as a whole.

Also, deep thoughts about Cyclops as Uncanny X-Men #26 hits shelves this week, along with some not-so-deep thoughts about IDW's phone book-sized collection of Transformers comics. Remender's Deadly Class is back in session for its second arc, and the Society of Super-Heroes enters The Multiversity.

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