4 Ways Titanfall Transcends Its Terrible Story (and 3 It Doesn't)

Monday, March 24, 2014 at 6:00 am

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Art by Citrus King

Last year gave us the reveal of Titanfall, a first-person shooter from the folks who brought us Call of Duty that would usher in this next generation of gaming heading our way, particularly as a centerpiece for the Xbox One. "Oh goody, the future of gaming shall be represented with another damn military shooter," I initially said to this reveal with all of the enthusiasm I typically reserve for military shooters or an announcement of a Michael Bay-produced Dinosaucers remake. So I dismissed it and moved on. But as time moved forward, I found myself being gradually intrigued by Titanfall, bit by bit...

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10 RuPaul's Drag Race Queens Who Should Star in the Jem Movie

Friday, March 21, 2014 at 6:00 am

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This week, it was announced via Youtube that a movie based on 1980′s cartoon/toy property Jem and the Holograms is coming, and director John M. Chu (GI Joe: Retaliation), horror producer Jason Blum and music producer Scooter Braun are the minds behind it. They're looking for fans to participate, sending audition tapes to their Jem tumblr for their chance to star as a member of the Holograms or the Misfits. What's kind of very telling of modern Hollywood is that Jem was a property created for girls, by a woman, and is now being revived and by three men. Ok, they're probably three gay men, but still. (ALLEGEDLY gay, I have no firsthand knowledge here. But three grown men in their thirties and their movie passion project is freakin' Jem? Speaking as a gay dude in his thirties, they're probably gay. I mean, just sayin.)

So since the Jem movie is seemingly a total sausage fest behind the camera, I say just go whole hog and make it a sausage fest in front of the camera as well. After all, who evokes the women of Jem and the Holograms and their rival band the Misfits more than the ladies of RuPaul's Drag Race? The following are ten of the fiercest divas Drag Race has had to offer over the past six seasons, and the roles in the Jem movie most perfectly suited to their talents and/or personalities. As they used to say on the cartoon, "It's showtime, Synergy!"

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The 10 Worst American "Anime" Ripoffs

Thursday, March 20, 2014 at 6:00 am

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Sometime in the early-to-mid 'aughts, anime and manga became a ubiquitous part of the pop-cultural diet of millions of kids and teens. From huge TV ratings for the likes of Dragon Ball Z and Sailor Moon, to manga hits like Fruits Basket and Naruto, there was no denying the popularity of these Japanese imports.

Of course, several years later, bookstores plummeted and took most of the manga market with them, and things like piracy and changing demographics virtually decimated the hunger for anime. But before all that, several of the laziest and cynical minds in the US thought that if they created something "anime-inspired," they could ride anime and manga's success with the youth market. Too bad for them "anime-inspired" tended to simply mean "BIG HORRIBLE EYES AND TINY MOUTHS AND ROBOTS AND STUFF." There's no shortage of absolutely rotten American "anime" ripoffs, so let's look at ten of the worst offenders!

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7 Reasons We're Going To Miss Jeff Lemire's Animal Man

Wednesday, March 19, 2014 at 6:15 am

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Today, DC's Animal Man comes to an end with issue #29. One of many titles included in the company's New 52 relaunch, it was a surprise critical success, as well as a minor commercial hit for a while. Written by Canadian Jeff Lemire of Essex County and Sweet Tooth fame and illustrated primarily by Travel Foreman and Steve Pugh, it told the story of Buddy Baker, a former Hollywood stuntman who gained the ability to adopt certain animal traits - e.g. the speed of a cheetah, the flight of an albatross, the ferocity of a lion - whenever the need arose. Lemire is moving on to greener, or at least more northern, pastures with Justice League Canada (now titled Justice League United), but as we wait for issue #0 to hit stands next month let's bid a fond farewell to one of DC's most interesting, unconventional and downright excellent titles. Animal Man was something else, and that something else wasn't afraid to scare or gross the hell out of us every other issue.

Here's why we'll miss it...

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The 10 Hottest Scenes From SXSW's Sexiest Movies

Tuesday, March 18, 2014 at 6:00 am

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Sasha Grey is terrorized in Open Windows

I was in Austin all week for the South by Southwest film and interactive festival, and maybe going without sleep for a whole week has given me a dirty mind, but let's face it, I'm not above T&A. If you've never been to a film festival, well, it can be better than watching late night Skinemax. A lot of indie filmmakers think showing lots of tits is a way to be get noticed...and they're right! Look at me: I'm writing a whole list of all the best sex scenes in SXSW movies.


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The 10 Nerdiest Things At SXSW 2014

Monday, March 17, 2014 at 6:00 am

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Warner Bros.
Godzilla 2014
If you want to get your money's worth out of your travel, South by Southwest is the place to go. It's more than just a film festival, although its films are way more awesome than you usually get from indie movies about "important" issues. SXSW movies are usually about depraved violence, and weird alternate realities. There's an equal amount of tech on display at the Interactive portion of SXSW and not in a boring, instruction-manual kind of way; it's stuff you can actually use, and want to use. There's also a music festival going on, which means SXSW was invented by teleporters who can be in three places at once. For those of you who can't teleport or clone yourselves, I'm here to help.

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Seven Ways the Veronica Mars Movie Doesn't Suck for Noobs

Thursday, March 13, 2014 at 6:00 am

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A long time ago, we used to be friends...

Ah, the mantra of Rob Thomas' cult television series about a murder, betrayal and memorable one-liners. The show launched the career of Kristen Bell back in 2004 proving female driven scripts could be great and still hilarious in a post-Buffy the Vampire Slayer world. But what if you've never seen the show? Had no interested in a spunky blonde teen private eye? Yet now you're curious about a movie that was financed (at least, partially) by a massively successful Kickstarter campaign? Look no further, non-marshmallows; all you need to know before getting rapt in the sass and wit that is Veronica Mars lies below!

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8 Things I Learned While Surviving Space Camp

Wednesday, March 12, 2014 at 6:00 am

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If you were a child of the '80s and early '90s, chances are you harbored a not-so-secret wish to visit Huntsville, AL. Oh, not because you were some kind of junior foodie out to sample their delicious BBQ, or a history nut looking to revisit the scandalous romance of Henry and Emiline.

No, you wanted to go Space Camp. And just a couple of weeks ago, I - along with a handful of other journalists - got to give my inner child the treat of a lifetime with a brief jaunt to camp and a museum. And after a day of suiting up, getting down, and trying to keep my crew alive in a mock mission, I learned a few life lessons that might just have you survive your own trip to Space Camp.

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9 Things I Want in Season 2 of True Detective (for Real)

Tuesday, March 11, 2014 at 6:00 am

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First off: this is a (relatively) sincere article, and not just Buzzfeed-esque a list of screencaps with the hashtag #truedetectiveseason2 next to them to be clever. If you haven't watched any of HBO's latest goldmine True Detective, a glance around social media might have you thinking that the second season could basically be about any two characters from anything sitting in a car, or not. Well, the actual show is an ambitious and moody anthology miniseries thing, which will consist of multiple seasons of standalone stories told over the course of several episodes. The first season was the creepy, sad, and brutal saga of two Louisiana cops, the venal "guy's guy" Martin Hart (Woody Harrelson) and Nietzschean whackadoodle Rustin Cohle (Matthew McConaughey), attempting to solve a series of occult themed murders. Since we're getting a new story next time, the psychosphere is wide open for all sorts of bizarre ideas to some rushing in.

If series creator Nic Pizzolatto is reading, I've got a few suggestions. And no, none of them contains Cthulhu, at least not directly...

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5 Things That Make South Park: The Stick of Truth Awesome (and 2 That Make It Lame)

Monday, March 10, 2014 at 6:00 am

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Way back in the distant time of December 2011, we were first teased with a glimpse of South Park: The Stick of Truth, an RPG that would potentially be one the few cartoon-to-game translations of this generation to excel beyond the norm, to become that rare licensed game that actually captured the source material perfectly, down to South Park creators Trey Parker and Matt Stone (themselves being hardcore gamers as well) being personally involved.

Cut to now. After numerous delays and issues with the game's production (which were even poked fun at by the show itself), The Stick of Truth's tale of the legendary New Kid in South Park and his role in the war to gain the Stick's power can finally be told with the game's release last week. Does it live up to the standards set of by both the show's legacy and the years of hype? Grab some Snacky Cakes and proceed forth to find out...NSFW material ahead, though, so proceed at thy own risk.

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