The Director of Firestarter Just Made a Movie About a Swimming Tyrannosaurus

Thursday, March 27, 2014 at 5:00 pm


Director Mark L. Lester, who also gave us the Schwarzenegger masterpiece that is Commando (a.k.a. the most "Arnoldy" Arnold movie ever made) has brought to life Poseidon Rex, about a tyrannosaurus that can go underwater. Judging by the trailer, it also features a shit-ton more monster money shots than your average Syfy or Asylum production, even if the monster looks almost as fake.

It stars Brian Krause of Return to the Blue Lagoon. But the real star is a T-REX THAT SWIMS. This is sure to be the best trailer you'll see today that features mutated reptiles doing uncharacteristic things.

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Blu-ray Today: Odd Thomas, Continuum, Jackie Chan, and Scooby-Doo Meets WWE

Tuesday, March 25, 2014 at 8:00 am

Odd Thomas - It's weird to see the director of The Mummy, G.I. Joe and Van Helsing working on such a small scale, but even confined to a lower budget, his slick storytelling and love of gratuitous computer-generated monsters shines through. Anton Yelchin plays the title character, whose actual first name is "Odd" (he believes it was meant to be "Todd"), and who is basically like Haley Joel Osment's Sixth Sense character all grown up with a hot girlfriend. Local detective Willem Dafoe has learned to accept that Odd's intuitions are usually right, but when he senses that something massively bad is approaching - as signified by transparent demons called bodachs, who feed off of negative energy - Odd must deliver some actual proof before anything can be done about it.

Based on a Dean Koontz novel, Odd Thomas isn't as quirky as something like John Dies at the End - Stephen Sommers is a mainstream director at heart, and every story beat is clear and clean. That's not necessarily a bad thing, but it ultimately leaves this tale feeling too traditional to truly become a cult movie (its best shot at this point is to become a cable mainstay, which could work with minor trims). Sommers does pull off one pretty decent surprise, though, and you'll know it when you see it.

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GIVEAWAY: War of the Worlds: Goliath 3D Blu-ray, Signed Poster, Art Book

Friday, March 21, 2014 at 6:00 pm



War of the Worlds: Goliath is an animated sequel to the original H.G. Wells story, in which the Martians return circa World War I, and we fight back with a mix of repurposed Martian technology and biplanes and steampunk and stuff. It's produced by Kevin Eastman, and features the voices of Adam Baldwin and Adrian Paul.

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Blu-ray Today: Disney, The Devil, Triple H and Lon Chaney

Tuesday, March 18, 2014 at 8:00 am

Frozen - I remember when Disney movies didn't have to resort to jokes about farts and nose-picking, but those minor missteps aside, Frozen is a reasonably fun time and has that one good song by that Dazeem chick who got the Oscar, as well as a somewhat disturbing number in which the snowman obliviously wishes for summer without realizing he will die horribly if it ever comes.

It's also a movie that can bring everybody together - both our own Eric Diaz and some conservative Mormon grandma who blogs agree that it's Disney's gayest feature yet. And I'm not sure which of them has seen it more times.

Saving Mr. Banks - Weird of Disney to put out two of their big Oscar-bait movies on the same day, but this one's more for the parents - a slightly sanitized tale of the arguments between Walt Disney and P.L. Travers en route to making Mary Poppins. Whether it is or is not accurate - as far as I can tell, it's as "mostly true" as any Hollywood biopic - the culture-clash between the American big kid archetype of Walt and the prim, mannered English decorum of Travers is pitch-perfect. As the child of parents who were so very similar to these onscreen portrayals, I found it endlessly amusing in that regard. Also notable for being the first movie I've seen in forever that portrays an alcoholic fuck-up of a parent (Colin Farrell) without dismissing his better qualities too.

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Blu-ray Today: Crap, Crap, Stuff I Didn't See and JCVD

Tuesday, March 11, 2014 at 8:00 am

This is officially, the worst week for nerdy/geeky Blu-ray releases since I started doing this. I mean, there have been some weak ones before, but usually there's at least one in there I wouldn't mind owning if someone gave it to me.

Today, though, the best I can say is that some of this momentarily raise an eyebrow of interest, and if you gave me one I'd put it on The Stack, to be looked at once if I ever find the time. But no rush.

Now, in genres that are outside our wheelhouse, you get Inside Llewyn Davis and some James Dean and John Wayne classics. But as far as the stuff we cover, well, consider that I thought the best choice to lead off was, in fact...

Enemies Closer - In which Jean-Claude Van Damme reunites with his favorite director Peter Hyams to play a wacky, evil environmentalist nutjob who squares off against park ranger Tom Everett Scott. Yes, the guy from That Thing You Do is now considered a worthy opponent for JCVD, but no longer worthier of anything better than DTV action stuff. Seems a bit of a comedown for Mr. Scott, but for Van Damme, it's...wait, what day of the week is it again?

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Dean Cain Has Had It With These Motherf***in' Volcanoes on This Motherf***in' Plane

Tuesday, March 4, 2014 at 12:31 pm


Yes. This is a thing now.

You'll (probably not) believe a man can fly...through lava!

Airplane vs. Volcano. Whoever loses, we win. And the biggest loser already is Dean Cain's agent.

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Blu-ray Today: Matt Smith's Doctor Who Farewell, Oldboy Remade, Liev Schreiber on Mars

Tuesday, March 4, 2014 at 8:00 am


Doctor Who: The Time of the Doctor - Come to wish the "eleventh" Doctor a "fuckity-bye" as he morphs into Peter Capaldi, stay for the Christmas drama that involves a wooden cyberman, multiple silly jokes about nudity in church, and Matt Smith donning a ton of latex as the man who thinks he's the last regeneration settles down into space retirement, to protect Planet Trenzalore from pretty much every foe he's ever had. Though it was an inevitable comedown from "The Day of the Doctor," which ended in a Tom Baker cameo that couldn't be beat, this episode invariably sets the stage for what's to follow - the quest to restore Gallifrey.

Honestly, though, the episode's just an hour long and there are hardly any extras. Wait for it to appear again on a future set if you're that determined to own it.

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The 10 Worst Movies Made by 2013's Oscar Nominees

Friday, February 28, 2014 at 6:00 am


It's worth remembering that even those who have scaled such showbiz heights that their hot sweaty palms are within grabbing distance of the Little Golden Man have often paid their dues in the grungy trenches of exploitation, or made missteps even after they became stars. So on the occasion of the 86th annual Oscars this coming Sunday, let's pause to remind ourselves of the stinkers from earlier in the careers of this year's crop of nominees.

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Blu-ray Today: Oscar Wannabes Nebraska, Gravity, Jared Leto, Plus Thor's Back With Ben Kingsley

Tuesday, February 25, 2014 at 8:00 am

Thor: The Dark World - Who you tryin' to get crazy with, Asgard? Don't you know he's Loki?
To da one wit' the flamboyant temper
I drop my hammer on your hand
Mjolnir, it's goin' when you come too near
Damn, I feel I'm'a hurt my bro here
Don't let Malekith get
his bit, down on the Earth
Get his universe a new dark re-birth
My Natalie's smokin', I'm hopin'
to come outta here doin' some pokin'
Dang! I'm skippin' Kat Dennings!
Cuz thunder god don't mess with the underage things
Guys, I keep it unfurled
Cuz a Thor like me is in the Dark World.

Thor's hurled in the Dark World
Thor's spun and he's twirled!
Thor's hurled in the Dark World
Freaky hair swirled, outta this world!
Thor's hurled in the Dark World
Missin' his girl, knittin' in purl
Thor's hurled in the Dark World
On Blu in this world!

(Also that Ben Kingsley mini-movie is on this disc).

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Meet H-Man, A Completely Insane-Looking French Superhero Show With Fiona Apple

Friday, February 21, 2014 at 1:18 pm


EU Dr. Manhattan... [I'm imagining a Weezer theme song here: "E.U., I look just like Billy Crudup/Oh oh, and you're Laurie Jupi-TUR...]


Limp-wristed Gay Caricature Man...


..and is that the Spanish Inquisition? I certainly did not expect them.

Also featured in this thing: Matthieu Amalric, the award-winning actor best known for The Diving Bell & The Butterfly and Quantum of Solace; and Fiona Apple as some kind of Poison Ivy wannabe. I have no idea what the hell is going on, but I want to see more.

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