We All Desperately Want to Eat at Trejo's Tacos, Danny Trejo's New Taco Joint

Tuesday, March 24, 2015 at 11:40 am

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Hey kids, do you love tacos? Of course you do! Do you love grizzled badass character actor Danny Trejo? Who doesn't? Do you want both of them at once? Now you can!


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Want Someone to Eat a Bag of Dicks? Now You Can Make It Happen

Friday, March 20, 2015 at 11:24 am

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It's not like there haven't been candy penises before. I'd wager that as soon as candy was first invented, there was a wiener-shaped sample made for fun seconds later. But a website that sends a bag of gummy schlongs anonymously, along with a note that reads "Eat a bag of dicks"? That's creative spin.

It's also kind of a nice way to argue with somebody. It's insulting, but gives them candy too, so they don't get too freaked out and think somebody on the Internet wants to kill them. The company even specifically says:

This site was created to put a smile on peoples faces. It's not meant to be a threat or a way to bully. If you are sending this with the intent to ruin someones day, then maybe its you who needs to eat a bag of dicks.
It probably still violates some harassment laws somewhere, though, so use the service with care. But if you're mad at me, I'll take the candy in a heartbeat.

via Buzzfeed

Paula Deen Has a Mobile App Game for People Who Hate Themselves

Friday, March 13, 2015 at 2:31 pm

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Yikes. It looks like a typical color matching game, except I think we all know Ms. Deen isn't too fond of mixing up colors. So instead you match pieces of food. Presumably instead of a Sugar Crush, your goal is Artery Breakage.

Because I sat through the trailer, you get to as well. You will learn that Paula Deen in slo-mo is a thousand times scarier than her real-life blood-sugar levels.

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Nothing to Snort at: Powdered Alcohol Just Got Approved by the FDA

Thursday, March 12, 2015 at 1:30 pm

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It sounds so friendly, doesn't it? "Pal-cohol."

There are obviously some concerns, with many states moving to ban it preemptively. The product's official website attempts to allay most of them, by pointing out that it would seriously burn if you tried to snort it, and that slamming a shot is quicker and gives a better buzz anyway.

I don't think that's why people are concerned, though...

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Ask Luke's Mother-in-Law: She's the Sheriff's Department

Thursday, March 12, 2015 at 8:00 am

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Martha Boyd is former LAPD, a licensed property appraiser and a self-described crazy cat lady. None of which has prepared her for TR readers. All questions and answers are real.

Hello hello. Happy almost St. Patricks Day. I will be having some corned beef and cabbage next week for sure. I love boiled cabbage, potatoes and carrots in a good corned beef broth. Then served with lots of butter on the veg and a good mustard on the corned beef, yummy in the tummy. Followed up with a good Bailey's and coffee. We have no pubs out here so it will be served from my kitchen.


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Sometimes, You Want Your Baby to Just Look Like a Drunk Without Being One

Thursday, February 26, 2015 at 11:30 am

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Fortunately for you, there's "Li'l Lager," a baby bottle that it makes it look like Junior's chugging down some brews when it's actually just milk. It's sort of an ironic reversal of the whole brown paper bag concept, though I'm not sure the makers had that kind of elaborate social satire in mind.

For just $12, here comes Honey Brew-Brew. And for their next trick, how about crayons that look like used heroin syringes? Or diapers colored to look like thongs?

h/t AJ Feuerman

UK KFC Has Coffee Cups Made of Cookies That Smell Like Grass

Thursday, February 26, 2015 at 9:16 am

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KFC UK

I don't mean marijuana, by the way.

KFC has just unveiled the UK's first edible coffee cup. It's called the Scoff-ee cup (badum-tish).

The 'Scoff-­‐ee Cup' is made from biscuit, wrapped in sugar paper and lined with a layer of glorious white chocolate. It keeps the coffee hot and the cup crispy.

For those of you not fluent in English-English, allow me to translate: "biscuit" = "cookie" and "scoff" = "eat rapidly." And being made of cookies is not the weirdest thing here.
We've infused different cups with a variety of ambient aromas including Coconut Sun Cream, Freshly Cut Grass and Wild Flowers.
Coconut I get. But flowers and cut grass? Are you trying to induce hay fever in fans of coffee and cookies? Have you actually met people who tell you they wish to eat cut grass?

I mean, I like the smell of the ocean, but I sure as shit don't want my coffee tasting like it. Keep it simple. Like hot dog buns made of chicken.

h/t SlyDante777

Tomatan, a Japanese Robot That Sits on Your Shoulders Feeding You Tomatoes

Thursday, February 19, 2015 at 11:35 am

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askanews on YouTube

What is it with Japanese marathons and weird food devices? Yesterday, we had the wearable banana. Today, we have the smiley-faced robot that stuffs tomatoes in your mouth.

The Tomatan looks like a small humanoid robot -- with a tomato for a head -- and sits snugly on the athlete's shoulders.

Tugging a tiny lever in the foot moves the arms to catch a tomato from the dispensing shoot. The arms then rotate the fruit over the runner's head and hold it in front of his mouth.

And...
"Tomatoes have lots of nutrition that combats fatigue," said Shigenori Suzuki of Kagome, which makes the contraption.
Also rumored to combat fatigue: not having an eight-kilogram robot full of tomatoes on your shoulders when you run.

Given that this is Japan, I expect somebody to modify this into a robot that holds used panties in front of your face, any minute now.

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Hide Your Booze Inside American Sniper-ish Fake Baby

Wednesday, February 18, 2015 at 12:00 pm

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An expressive, customizable, hands-free beverage insulator that looks like a baby. Drinking in public is now adorable.
American Sniper takes a lot of crap for the scene in which Bradley Cooper holds an obviously fake baby as if it's his real kid, but what if there was a good reason? Could it have concealed a flask of vodka to ease his nerves?


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Dole Has Created the "Wearable Banana" With LED Peel (Yes, You Can Eat It Too)

Wednesday, February 18, 2015 at 11:00 am

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You know what I always hated about bananas? That you can't wear them.

And you know what sucks most about running? Not having a banana while you do it.

Thank GOD Dole has remedied those terrible problems. For the Tokyo marathon, two runners will have "Wearable Bananas" strapped to them that will monitor their speed, distance and heart rate, and display it on the peel in real time. Then, when the race is done, the banana gets eaten.

I wonder if adding value to the peel this way is meant to dissuade runners from tossing it under the feet of their toughest competition. There are a lot of things I wonder about the whole concept, in fact.

But a wearable banana exists now. And nothing will ever be the same again.

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