Germany's Radioactive Boar Problem

Wednesday, September 3, 2014 at 5:30 pm

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Original, non-nuculer colored photo by Smithsonian Wild

Do you like glowing green eggs and ham? It ought to be a Michael Bay produced movie, in which a tusked pig learns martial arts. Instead, it's a real issue for Germans who like to eat wild pig, which is to say: Germans. Radiation from Chernobyl is still concentrated in truffles and other mushrooms that soak up the toxic stuff, but wild boars don't know or care about that, nor do they conveniently drop dead from it. Rather, they just run around being all radioactive and stuff, which is all fun and games until they bite a hapless teenager who just wants to be noticed, and happens to be great at making tusk-shooters.

According to the UK Telegraph, you can expect nuclear wild pigs for 50 more years. By which time I just assume we'll get this:

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Ask Luke's Mother-in-Law: Who Is Adam Henry? The Answer May Surprise You...

Thursday, August 28, 2014 at 8:00 am

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Martha Boyd is not just Luke's mother-in-law - she's also an ex-cop, a landlord, a self-described crazy cat lady, a major Star Trek geek and the widow of a green beret. So go ahead: ask her anything. And we mean anything.

Hello, hello and thank you all for the words of support. Nothing P.O.'d me this week - how about that, so nothing to rant about, LOL. Was looking through the computer and I don't even have any new photos this week - must be slipping, so here's one of my ferret.

I just spent time still trying to get rid of my cold and trying to do appraisals in between sneezing. So I just poured another ice coffee and added some Coffee spirits - after all it has to be 5 p.m. somewhere in the world. That's also what I tell my mom when we go to Mexico and I am having a pina colada at 11 am. Yes, my 89 yr-old mom still corrects me, so don't feel bad. Hope all of our readers up in the Northern parts of California are okay and did not have damage from the recent earthquake, but it does look like the price of CA wine might be heading up. Napa really got hit hard.

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Super Terrific Japanese Thing: Hello Kitty Face Wiener Cutter

Wednesday, August 27, 2014 at 10:00 am

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Face. Wiener. Cutter.

Not exactly the most commercial of product names in English, I'd say. But if you've ever wanted to carve a pussy out of your wiener, or you've ever had an unfulfilled dream to literally pork Hello Kitty, $4.25 is a steal.

Also, the accompanying plastic toothpicks look like penises.

Super Terrific Japanese Thing: Pizza Hut Run by Cats

Friday, August 22, 2014 at 4:06 pm

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Japan's on the same page as the U.S. when it comes to cats - they get that kitties in little clothes will get Internet attention, and fast. But I'm not sure they're quite on the same page as we are when it comes to branding.

In the latest move by Pizza Hut Japan, marketing is focusing on a "Pizza Cat" restaurant (alas, it doesn't really exist) wherein the feline employees will ignore your calls, fail to deliver your pizza, and screw up the company's finances by sitting on keyboards and cash registers. It's like they're saying that if your service is bad, blame it on the cute cats.

If Kevin Smith really wanted to make another movie about surly clerks, this one should have been it. Check out a sampling of the shorts below...

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Super Terrific Japanese Thing: A Genuinely Sh*tty Museum for Kids

Friday, August 15, 2014 at 10:00 am

I know it's been a long time since I did one of these, but there really haven't been that many compelling examples of Japanese weirdness worth writing about in a while.

And then one day you see a picture of kids wearing little turd hats sliding into a gigantic toilet.

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Weekend Hangover: Anne Rice Rebooted, Milli Vanilli and Mario, Rubber Duck and Bondage

Monday, August 11, 2014 at 6:00 am

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James.k.Polk

What stories might you (and we) have missed over the weekend? Fear not, dear readers, for many of them have been gathered here for your perusal via reader submissions, and the assistance of Kyle LeClair.

This week's tipsters include James.k.Polk, SlyDante777, NebulaJack, troi, DrAbraxas, Gallen_Dugall, Dr.Gonzo82, rkwsupserstar, donnaryoko, Timely-Tardis-Lego

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The Tick Bites That Will Turn You Vegetarian

Friday, August 8, 2014 at 12:00 pm

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On TV and in the comics, the Tick would attempt to stop the Man-Eating Cow. In real life - and most ironically, in Texas - ticks are now preventing men from eating cows. Just like their big blue namesake, they seem to have misinterpreted the script.

Here's how it happens: The bugs harbor a sugar that humans don't have, called alpha-gal. The sugar is also is found in red meat -- beef, pork, venison, rabbit -- and even some dairy products. It's usually fine when people encounter it through food that gets digested.

But a tick bite triggers an immune system response, and in that high-alert state, the body perceives the sugar the tick transmitted to the victim's bloodstream and skin as a foreign substance, and makes antibodies to it. That sets the stage for an allergic reaction the next time the person eats red meat and encounters the sugar.

Doctors have no idea if the newly created meat allergy is permanent or not, but smartasses like me would suggest that if there is a God, He couldn't have delivered a more ironic pestilence upon Texas unless there were somehow a way to be allergic to football.

h/t Broos Campbell

Saturday Night Live's "Colon Blow" Cereal to Be a Real Thing

Thursday, August 7, 2014 at 4:00 pm

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As part of a new, massive line of SNL-inspired product, hipster candy chain It'Sugar is actually making something bearing this name. No details on what it actually is yet, though I assume it will only be a reasonable facsimile of the wood-chips that made up the original fake product.

Not to be confused with the cereal for aspiring writers, "Semicolons Blow." [/editor humor]

What, you thought I'd end with a TUPPER ADAM joke? You are a True Believer.

via Uproxx

Jim Lee, DC Artists Redesign General Mills Monster Cereals Boxes

Thursday, August 7, 2014 at 11:30 am

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Meet Jim Lee's Boo Berry, Dave Johnson's Franken Berry, and Terry and Rachel Dodson's Count Chocula. All of whom will now get their own Warner Bros. solo movies before Wonder Woman.

Is it just me, or did Jim Lee do a self-portrait? If he is in fact a fruit-flavored ghost, that would explain a lot.

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Weekend Open Thread: Damn You Michael Bay Edition

Friday, August 1, 2014 at 6:13 pm

He's gone too far with the changes this time:

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In other things:

-Bill Murray to voice Baloo opposite Christopher Walken's King Louie in Disney's live-action Jungle Book, which makes me think Wes Anderson should be directing.

-The Dead Island movie might be happening again.

-Doctor Who to debut Peter Capaldi in theaters before TV, and of course CHris Hardwick found a way to be involved.

-There's a food truck for dogs, because dogs are so discriminating in what they put their mouths on.

-Dragonriders of Pern to be a movies series.

-Artist SUCKLORD sells unique spins on Star Wars figures.

-Leatherface may get a teenage angst prequel. And yes, I just typed that.