Fast Food Review: Carl's/Hardee's Most American Burger

Friday, June 12, 2015 at 9:00 am

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I have always wondered if Carl's Jr. actually paid for their mention in the movie Idiocracy, which theorizes that in the future, their marketing slogan will be "Fuck you! I'm eating!" I'm pretty sure that when arch-conservative founder Carl Karcher was alive, he would not have permitted such a thing, but ever since then, the chain bearing his name has "ironically" used lowest-common-denominator marketing, featuring models taking bites out of burgers bigger than their heads and trying to make it look sexy.

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Ask Luke's Mother-in-Law: Good Gravy, Baked in a Pie

Thursday, June 11, 2015 at 6:30 am

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Martha Boyd is not just Luke's mother-in-law - she's also an ex-cop, a landlord, a self-described crazy cat lady, a major Star Trek geek and the widow of a green beret. So go ahead: ask her anything. And we mean anything. Either comment below with your question, or email boydappraisal at yahoo.

Here we are back at Thursday again. LYT said it was okay to go on doing more of the things I find to eat from the 99 cent store - just not every week. So I was good and did not do one last week. But (drum roll) you get 2 for the price of one this week as I will be comparing. Two different forms of biscuits and gravy. Yep, you can get this tasty treat in a frozen food variety and then for a scant dollar.

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Life-Size Remote Control R2-D2 Is Actually a Drinks Fridge in Disguise

Friday, June 5, 2015 at 6:30 am

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Hey Artoo, have you been working out? Because I couldn't help but notice your six-pack.

Sure, it would be cool to have a Sail Barge tray atop our favorite astromech as in Return of the Jedi, but if Artoo could keep Luke's lightsaber on ice inside of his body, why not twelve beers? Er, I mean SODAS. Wouldn't want Disney to think we're doing anything un-PG. Besides, until they come up with one that has a freezer inside, we're storing our vodka elsewhere.

Somehow, though, I doubt this R2-D2 is as handy with stairs and booster rockets as his onscreen counterpart in Attack of the Clones, which means he'll work best if you have smooth hardwood floors.Wouldn't want a small thing like shag carpeting get in your way of letting a droid enhance your laziness, and turning YOU into the overweight blob of grease. Also, in the event of a nuclear attack, your Indiana Jones action figure can hide inside.

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Cute Tiny Hamster Is a Kaiju

Wednesday, June 3, 2015 at 11:30 am

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Videos of tiny hamsters eating miniature food may be catnip to the wife, but not necessarily nerd-blog fodder...until now.

This time, the hamster eats not-retromutagen ooze and becomes a mini-city destroying HAMSTERZILLA. It's like Man of Steel, if Superman and Zod had been so incredibly cute you forgave them every falling building.

Now, for the sequel, what animal would make the best widdle fuzzy-wuzzy Jaeger?

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KFC Has Developed a Fast-Food Tray Paper Insert That's a Working Bluetooth Keyboard

Thursday, May 28, 2015 at 8:00 am

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If you absolutely, positively cannot stop texting even while you're eating KFC, you not only have at least a 50/50 chance of being a douche, but you're also greasing up your phone. There's only one part of that problem KFC is capable of fixing, and they have, with the Tray Typer - a paper-thin keyboard that also serves as your tray insert. It's rechargeable, and connects to your device via Bluetooth. Presumably if your arteries harden into critical condition mid-eating, it will allow you to quickly alert someone...it had better, since everyone else in the place will now be too busy texting to pay attention to you falling over.

So far these are only available in Germany, but much like the music of David Hasselhoff, I imagine it will catch on here eventually.

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Ask Luke's Mother-in-Law: Pumpkin Pop Tarts, Phoenix and Pro-Wrestling

Thursday, May 28, 2015 at 6:30 am

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Martha Boyd is not just Luke's mother-in-law - she's also an ex-cop, a landlord, a self-described crazy cat lady, a major Star Trek geek and the widow of a green beret. So go ahead: ask her anything. And we mean anything. Either comment below with your question, or email boydappraisal at yahoo.

Well, I hope we all survived the transition from the old to the new comment posting thingy. It did not have an impact on me, as when I first joined the site I did it with Facebook as I did not know any better. At my age it is good that I can do Facebook. Anyway, I hope all of my friends are still on board even if you had to make up new names. I mean, FB lets me use boydappraisal - I guess it is sort of a real name, as it's my company mashed together.

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Nintendo, Canadian Yogurt Chain Team up to Make You Think About Eating Bodily Fluids

Wednesday, May 27, 2015 at 1:43 pm

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In Splatoon, squid people who can change form fire ink at each other, both by using weapons as humans and sucking up ink as squid. How exactly they PRODUCE the ink is never really explained...it's just sort of there. Somehow this translates into a promoted swirled frozen yogurt flavor called Squid Ink at Yogurty's and Yogen Fruz stores.

Now, squid ink itself can flavor savory foods, but as a dessert suggestion it's up there with, let's say, sardines. This "Squid Ink" flavor combines mango and strawberry, which is an odd mental juxtaposition, especially when you factor in the notion that the squid in the game become humanoid and, er, fire their ink at other players.

It seems like we're in one of those movies like The Last Starfighter, only this time the game is preparing us for our inevitable transformation by Cthulhu. Or is that too much of a stretch?

Ask SlyDante777. He's the one who told me.

And the Newest Special Oreos Flavor Is...

Friday, May 22, 2015 at 12:00 pm

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...smores.

After all those Photoshops online claiming that "fried chicken" or "cheeseburgers" would be the next one, this comes as a bit of a relief. Not that anyone would force you to eat these, or anything, save that part of the brain that cannot resist the power of marketing, and two differently flavored creme layers...mmmmm...layers....

Guess How KFC in Japan Is Promoting New Chicken BREASTS. Go on, Guess!

Friday, May 22, 2015 at 8:00 am

If you guessed "A giant sentient piece of fried chicken with huge boobs that the Colonel wants to fuck," you were correct.

RocketNews24 has the cartoon backstory:

[There's a] male hunk of meat [who] is Momofu (roughly "thigh guy"), while she's Muneko ("breast girl"). Apparently, they are a newly married couple. He proposed to her with a manly hone-don (a play on the kabe-don meme using the word "hone" or "bone") and she keeps things hot and heavy with her sweet sayings and poses.
Gotta love proposals made with manly bones.

Fast Food Review: That McDonald's Third-Pound Burger the Stupid New Hamburglar Wants

Thursday, May 21, 2015 at 12:30 pm

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Does anybody remember the last time McDonald's did third-pound burgers?

I do, because it coincided with my moving to Orange County to work at the OC Weekly. A few months later, Topless Robot came online.

But that's not the point. The point is that McDonald's at that time called them Angus burgers, and Jack in the Box, which was pushing its own Sirloin burgers, started running ads that basically implied Angus beef came from a cow's anus.

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