In what one could consider an attempt at hipster irony before hipster irony became annoyingly pseudo-cool, back in the '80s the Garbage Pail Kids trading cards eventually spun off a series of small plastic figurines in mini trash bags, labeled "Cheap Toys with Crummy Candy." It was truth in advertising, even though kids assumed it was sarcasm.

It's possible that any larger kind of toy might have run into legal issues had they been seen to directly compete with Cabbage Patch Kids in any direct way, but they really didn't have to be THAT cheap. We know this because come October, Topps is finally doing fully painted, good versions of these toys, in the same scale and called MiniKins. In a twist that probably does qualify as legitimate hipster irony, there are chase variants in single colors to replicate the original cheap versions. Rather than candy, they come with smaller versions of the classic stickers.

You know what has to come next, right? Time for a movie reboot. And let's be honest, Hollywood really can't do worse than the original this time.

h/t BumblebeeZ3

I'm not sure I can fully express how exponentially stupider I feel as a human being for having typed those words above. Nevertheless, they are true.

For those not native to this country, Cap'n Crunch is a breakfast cereal mascot. His arch-enemies are "the Soggies," though it appears they'll be a tad friendlier on this show.

The Cap'n -- whose full name is Cap'n Horatio Magellan Crunch, an iconic animated figure which starred in commercials during Saturday morning cartoons from the 1960s to the 1980s -- will conduct interviews with animated celebrities and fictional characters within a giant cereal bowl. He gets out of the bowl too, but only when not with guests.

I don't know if "animated celebrities" means famous cartoon characters like, say, Bart Simpson, or something along the lines of a hand-drawn William Shatner. Either way, they're sitting in a big bowl of milk for this. That's kinda stupid. The Cap'n may keep the soggies out of his cereal bits, but do you trust him to keep 'em out of your underwear?

The new online animated series called "The Cap'n Crunch Show" will feature nine episodes throughout the spring and summer on its YouTube channel. Just like other late-night shows, it will air at 11:35 p.m. ET/PT and is aimed at an adult audience.

An adult audience, you say?

The cereal box this summer will feature a call out for the show, directing consumers to YouTube.

Oh, the kids' cereal box will be directing them to a show for adults, on past their bedtime. I don't see how that could possibly lead to family arguments, at all.

You want cereal mascots who can talk to both kids and adults? Let me dig up a UK gem from my childhood...

...skinheads made out of compressed wheat flake bricks!

The trailer for the Cap'n's show is after the jump. Plus you can follow him on Twitter now.

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When a fast food chain announces a release date for a new item, like they're doing a trailer for a movie, I get hyped up. How could I not? Something different to write about is always good. And then when they jump the gun - even better. I could have sworn KFC said April 14th was the day they'd release Boneless Original, yet I went there on the 13th and it was everywhere.

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Scodioli Creative

I know I've had that problem. Drunks can be all mean, making fun of sobriety and shit. But sometimes I have to drive home. In fact, I have to do that all the time, because I live in America's most spread-out, no-decent-public-transportation-having city.

So how to stave off the mockery and the stigma of being the lame guy at the party? I never asked myself that question, but the answer has materialized anyway - a scent that smells like bourbon, my favorite booze. Only I need something to instantly remove it as well, because if I get pulled over anyway on said drive, the smell of liquor will most likely prove unhelpful.

Eh, I'm probably not actually the intended audience. Dorky college kids looking for misguided credibility will probably snap it up, though. Combined it with cannabis-scented breath spray, and you could also pretend to be a gangsta rapper. Or Hank Williams Jr.

And for anyone who asks how this is nerdy - are you kidding me? Who but a true nerd would come up with a way to smell like booze that bypasses any kind of actual imbibing whatsoever?

via LA Weekly

How is this a lie?

It's a clay miniature.

More details and amazingly intricate tiny fake foodstuffs here.

Feels a bit like the G-rated equivalent of selling agave-flavored worms so you can bypass the joy of drinking tequila to get to them, but what the hell - as cartoon Al Gore might say, these Cow Wow! beverages are super, super cereal.

Flavors so far look to be thinly disguised copies of Trix and Cookie Crisp, but more are planned. I just hope they put a bit more effort into the final product than their strangely disturbing animated commercial...

Cow Wow Cereal Milk from Chris Pouy on Vimeo.

via Foodbeast

The merging of Carl's Jr. with Hardee's was an odd one to me, as one who essentially went to high school with Hardee's and college with Carl's. In my small town of Sylva, NC, we didn't have even one Taco Bell...but we had TWO Hardee's. And they started serving breakfast at 11 p.m., which was a huge deal for college kids. I always thought of it as a redneckier McDonald's - aside from the usual hamburgers, fish filet, etc. you could also order fried chicken or biscuits & gravy.

Carl's, on the other hand, was a chain I didn't get familiar with till I got to California, and it's totally west-coast - was even before they incorporated Green Burrito menu items. Green chili on chicken sandwiches, fried zucchini, a star as the logo...very L.A., even if the founder had a reputation as a hardcore conservative.

Now both are one. But this item in particular screams Hardee's rather than Carl's.

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...it might look a lot like MTV Geek's "Cooking with Thrones." If I had HBO, I guarantee this would increase Julia's appreciation of the show by, like, a million percent. So for those of you who do...you're welcome.

The next time a geeky guest embarrasses you, you can literally give them their just desserts; now, when people say this has become a cookie-cutter meme, well, they're absolutely correct. Said cutter is available here.

Please use quality ingredients, though, because when it comes to a treat that looks like Picard, you never want to make it so-so.

h/t Mark Harmon

Happy National Raisin & Spice Bar Day!