Nintendo, Canadian Yogurt Chain Team up to Make You Think About Eating Bodily Fluids

Wednesday, May 27, 2015 at 1:43 pm

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In Splatoon, squid people who can change form fire ink at each other, both by using weapons as humans and sucking up ink as squid. How exactly they PRODUCE the ink is never really explained...it's just sort of there. Somehow this translates into a promoted swirled frozen yogurt flavor called Squid Ink at Yogurty's and Yogen Fruz stores.

Now, squid ink itself can flavor savory foods, but as a dessert suggestion it's up there with, let's say, sardines. This "Squid Ink" flavor combines mango and strawberry, which is an odd mental juxtaposition, especially when you factor in the notion that the squid in the game become humanoid and, er, fire their ink at other players.

It seems like we're in one of those movies like The Last Starfighter, only this time the game is preparing us for our inevitable transformation by Cthulhu. Or is that too much of a stretch?

Ask SlyDante777. He's the one who told me.

And the Newest Special Oreos Flavor Is...

Friday, May 22, 2015 at 12:00 pm

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...smores.

After all those Photoshops online claiming that "fried chicken" or "cheeseburgers" would be the next one, this comes as a bit of a relief. Not that anyone would force you to eat these, or anything, save that part of the brain that cannot resist the power of marketing, and two differently flavored creme layers...mmmmm...layers....

Guess How KFC in Japan Is Promoting New Chicken BREASTS. Go on, Guess!

Friday, May 22, 2015 at 8:00 am

If you guessed "A giant sentient piece of fried chicken with huge boobs that the Colonel wants to fuck," you were correct.

RocketNews24 has the cartoon backstory:

[There's a] male hunk of meat [who] is Momofu (roughly "thigh guy"), while she's Muneko ("breast girl"). Apparently, they are a newly married couple. He proposed to her with a manly hone-don (a play on the kabe-don meme using the word "hone" or "bone") and she keeps things hot and heavy with her sweet sayings and poses.
Gotta love proposals made with manly bones.

Fast Food Review: That McDonald's Third-Pound Burger the Stupid New Hamburglar Wants

Thursday, May 21, 2015 at 12:30 pm

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Does anybody remember the last time McDonald's did third-pound burgers?

I do, because it coincided with my moving to Orange County to work at the OC Weekly. A few months later, Topless Robot came online.

But that's not the point. The point is that McDonald's at that time called them Angus burgers, and Jack in the Box, which was pushing its own Sirloin burgers, started running ads that basically implied Angus beef came from a cow's anus.

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Disney World Is Opening an Indiana Jones Bar; Presumably Won't Burn Down Every Night

Thursday, May 14, 2015 at 12:15 pm

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I feel like an opportunity has been missed here.

Look, if I tell you Disney World has opened an Indiana Jones-themed bar, what do you imagine? A replica of Marion's establishment, perhaps? Or, in a bit of wink-wink franchise synergy, Temple of Doom's Club Obi-Wan?

Not happening. Instead, you get "Jock Lindsey's Hangar Bar." Yes, the seaplane pilot with the pet snake gets a massive aviation-themed area with snacks like "Rolling Boulder Meatballs." No snake surprise? Look, if they don't serve red Jell-O in replica monkey heads for dessert, we are talking serious missed opportunity. But I'll settle for some kind of spicy dip that features the description "It'll melt your face off!"

"O.G. Hamburglar," a Spec Campaign/Fan Film, Shows McDonald's How to Reboot Right

Wednesday, May 13, 2015 at 10:42 am

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The new McDonald's Hamburglar is fakin' it and the #OGHamburglar isn't takin' it. It's time to grab the power and the burgers back.

This isn't an actual McDonald's ad - just a proposal by a production company called Whiskey Tongue that demonstrates what an actual modern reboot of Hamburglar ought to be, versus what actually happened. Should the big McD show interest, I suspect the idea is to have the new Hamburglar fight "O.G. Hamburglar" [as Adweek helpfully reminds us, "(OG being slang, of course, for original gangster)"]

Technically, though, that's NOT really "O.G. Hamburglar." He used to be older and more borderline anti-Semitic caricature. We understandably prefer to forget that one, but maybe the kid-version can be Li'l G Hamburglar.

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Disney World's Darth Maul Dip Is Worth Sabering Twice

Wednesday, May 13, 2015 at 8:00 am

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I have bought many terrible food items in the shape of Mickey Mouse at Disneyland, but during Star Wars weekends at Disney World in May and June, this "Chips & Sith" dip of red pepper coulis, black sesame dust, and corn tortilla chips.might just be a can't miss proposition. Because if "always two there are" in your party, I'm sure it splits in half quite nicely.

Other themed dishes include "The Dark Fried" - chicken and waffles served with maple syrup and sweet barbecue sauce; and a "Dagobah Swamp Juice" cocktail (Midori, Tito's Handmade Vodka, sweet and sour, topped with lemon-lime foam).

I'd love for them to make some of these things permanent, but always in motion, the future is.

Frank Miller's Hamburglar Welcomes the Weekend Open Thread

Friday, May 8, 2015 at 3:34 pm

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He'll give your arteries the Hard Goodbye.

What else is going on this weekend?

This Scented Candle Will Make Your House Smell of KFC Double Down

Friday, May 8, 2015 at 10:00 am

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I like gross fast food. The wife loves scented candles. I'm not entirely sure fusing those two concepts into one thing creates the perfect gift for both of us, but I appreciate the effort by Scents of the Commonwealth.

Fact is, my apartment smells like fried chicken already, from all the actual fried chicken. But maybe now, when guests complain, I'll just tell them it's actually a fancy candle that their nostrils detect.

h/t SlyDante777

Sweet Mayor McCheesus, WTF Has McDonald's Done to the Hamburglar?

Wednesday, May 6, 2015 at 1:00 pm

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McDonald's

Does Geoff Johns work for McDonald's now?

The cutesy crook of McDonaldland is now a backyard-barbecuing dad, who ceases all attempts at homemade burgers (which look more delicious than the Mickey D versions, BTW) when he hears about the new Third-Pound burgers the chain is doing.

Here's what's even more disturbing - Hamburglar's wife is a redhead who dresses in yellow. That's right - he married a woman that reminds him of his arch-enemy who's a male clown. The implications of that are more, I suspect, than the company wishes to get into.

See for yourself...

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