Would Crashing Through a Wall Actually Kill the Kool-Aid Man?

Thursday, January 22, 2015 at 1:00 pm

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In trying to calculate the actual physics of a giant glass pitcher breaking through bricks, Vsauce's Jake has concluded that the wall would give way...but Kool-Aid Man would most likely die from blood loss in the process.

I say he is ignoring the obvious point that Kool-Aid Man is a T-1000. Red Kool-Aid is not his blood - it's his nanomite-filled nectar, designed to inculculate the courtship ritual of sharing drinks into young humans. Until one gives birth to Sarah Connor, at which point he'll morph into a glass stabby thing and kill her. ("Or mass-poison her and her family in Guyana..." NO. Stop right there. Jim Jones used Flavor-Aid. Get it right, bad nerds.)

Hey, it's no less logical than his existence to begin with. But you watch and decide.

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The 10 Best Nerdy Gadgets of 2014

Wednesday, January 21, 2015 at 5:00 am

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I've always loved being at the forefront of technology. Being an early adopter, however, has its downsides, like when you pick the wrong format, which I have frequently done. As a kid, when the other children were asking for an Atari 5200, I was begging for (and received) a Vectrex. I invested an obscene amount of money in HD-DVD which, on paper was the superior system. Then there was the time I spent $200 on a Diamond Rio, the first commercial MP3 player with its whopping 32 megs of storage, or roughly enough space for an album at low enough bit rates. Gadgets are expensive, but for nerds like me, they are ambrosia, and usually worth every penny. Nothing is quite as fun as unboxing a new toy and showing it off.

As technology improves, science fiction is quickly becoming reality. My children will never know what it's like to live in a world without touchscreens or Netflix. As sad as it is to think that they won't experience enjoying Saturday morning cartoons with a bowl full of sugary cereal or having to adjust the tracking on the VCR, they also get the privilege of experiencing technology that, for my grandparents, would have seemed like magic. As 2014 comes to a close, it's time to look back at that magic by taking a look at the ten best gadgets the year has brought us. Get your checkbooks (or Apple Pay) ready, kids: it's time to start planning for 2015's holidays.

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"Invisible Girlfriend" App Costs Less Than Bribing Someone to Pretend They Like You

Tuesday, January 20, 2015 at 2:00 pm

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So many sitcom episodes just had their premises invalidated. With Invisible Girlfriend (and Boyfriend), there's an app that will text you, send photos and leave voicemails so it seems like you're in a relationship. This might be particularly useful for anyone who has to temporarily pretend not to be gay...or navigate some kind of wacky scenario in which an apartment can only be rented by couples.

Yes, yes, I know...Karen Gillan was already your invisible girlfriend. I totally believe you. Others will not. That's why there's this.

Want to be somebody else's imaginary love? Both sites let you submit selfies for use in their database, just so their photos don't look like stock models. Which could lead to really contorted hijinks if the fake date turns out to be a picture of someone your mark happens to know in real life.

via BetaBeat

Georgia Boy Born Missing an Arm Gets a Clone Trooper Replacement

Friday, January 16, 2015 at 8:00 am

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Via the online networking site e-Nable, 7 year-old Liam Porter got more than he bargained for when the 501st Legion connected with the man who was 3-D printing a working Clone Trooper arm for him. Even better, because it comes with a system to slide attachments on and off, the kid can go full Trap-Jaw if he wants - although he has thus far rejected the idea of a sword, correctly noticing, as kids do, that it would have to be too rectangular to really work.

The Augusta Chronicle notes that

"because it is for a kid, that also meant having more fun with it,
"They want it to look as superhero-ish or as robotic as possible," Peterson said. "To them, it is just cool. And it actually frees us up a lot because now we can feel free to try to experiment and do different things. Like, hey, why not put a clamp on a hand? It's just a tool anyway."
To all of us, it is also cool, and that's why we advocate keeping that inner childishness alive.

I admit I have my trepidations about the "attachments" the kid will want in another ten years...


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Belfie: The Bendable Stick to Take Butt-Selfies

Thursday, January 8, 2015 at 1:00 pm

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I think I know why Mike Judge didn't push Beavis and Butt-head's comeback any further than a single season. You can't really use them to parody a culture that is nowadays fully in sync with their thought processes. Hell, somebody is actually going to make Idiocracy's Ass: The Movie if this thing is real.

I say "if" because the official site only offers a form to get information about preorders, rather than an actual online order form, so there's a chance this could be a prank. It's from the people behind a social media app called On.com that I never heard of before, but which is available for free download.

If it's not a prank, though, how many of you will be checking out your own buttholes?

via Incredible Things

This Insanely Detailed Tumbler Batmobile Toy Does Everything Short of Physically Pleasuring You

Tuesday, January 6, 2015 at 3:27 pm

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It's not just a remote-control Batmobile that can seat a 6-inch figure. Oh no.

It's controlled by your Android or iOS device, first of all. And that includes the moving spoilers, hydraulics, opening cockpit, 23 LEDs, onboard motherfucking camera with NIGHT VISION, and voice-intercom function. And that figure? 36 points of articulation, interchangeable hands, feet, capes and facial expressions. Plus order early and you get the harness and ski-mask to turn him into pre-Batman.

No, it's not cheap - it'll run you about five thousand Hong Kong dollars (around $650 US). You don't really need that down payment on a new house, though, right?

Also my headline may be exaggerating. I'm sure some of you can find a way to pleasure yourselves with it. Check out the video of all the details below...

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Russia Is Developing Terminator Tanks With Guns

Friday, January 2, 2015 at 11:56 am

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Russian Defense Ministry/Terminator 3

"Why would we attack the Russians? Aren't they our friends now?"

John Connor's line is particularly amusing now that Russia is basically creating the T-1, an unmanned tank armed with machine guns and set to guard the country's missile installations.

The robots, which weigh 900 kilograms and wield a 12.7 mm machine gun, first underwent testing last April. They boast a speed of up to 45 kilometers per hour, can function for up to 10 hours at a time and remain operational in standby mode for up to one week, Vesti.ru reported at the time.
Thus far they are still remotely controlled by humans. But if they start to talk in Austrian accents, watch out...

Spider-Dress, Spider-Dress; Legs Attack & You're in Distress

Tuesday, December 23, 2014 at 11:30 am

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Spider-Woman may be getting a more practical costume update in the comics, but in real life, courtesy of Dutch electronic fashion designer Anouk Wipprecht, a spider-sense equipped outfit is getting way creepier.

The dress provides an extension of the wearers intuition: It uses proximity sensors as well as a respiration sensor to both define and protecting the personal space of the wearer. Approach the wearer to aggressively and the mechanical limbs move up to an attack position. Approach the system under calmer circumstance and the dress just might beckon you to come closer with smooth, suggestive gestures.
Uhhh, question...does this behave like an actual female spider so often does, and decapitate males after getting affectionate? Because I'd believe you if you said yes.
3-D printed sensor based animatronic/mechatronic dress enabled by the Intel Edison acts as the interface between the body and the external world using technology and the garment as a medium of interaction. Testing-phase. The design will be showcased during CES alongside the Synapse dress for Intel, January 6-9th in Las Vegas, soon more...
Uhhh, another question: isn't this more like a Dr. Octopus dress, when you think about it?

Just check it out in action. David Cronenberg is getting a massive stiffy as we speak...

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U.S. Military Working on Robot Flies and Millipedes

Friday, December 19, 2014 at 1:53 pm

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U.S. Army

Basically, they have the technology to make tiny working wings and little crawling legs. What they don't have yet are stabilizing programs that allow the robo-bugs to right themselves if wind or other obstacles knock them off balance, nor do they have tiny weapons for them to wield yet.

But do we need them? Like, if we could just send a few millipedes to crawl up Kim Jong Un's pant legs when he's making a speech and tickle him till he pisses himself, wouldn't that be enough? I think maybe that's what The Interview could have used.

Hobbit Hole, Meet Cat's Butthole

Monday, December 15, 2014 at 2:29 pm

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In the kitty litter box, in the land of the Shire, lives a brave little Hobbit in a stench so dire. The cat took a shit, in his Hobbit hole; 'twas something encouraged, and now he knows his role...

BILBO! Bilbo Baggins. His home's a toilet now...
BILBO! Bilbo Baggins. His least favorite sound is now "Meow."

And that's how we introduce a new "Super-Fan Builds," in which a Hobbit hole litter box and Eye of Sauron scratching post are created.


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