CGI Martians Invade Actual WWI Footage in The Great Martian War

Thursday, October 2, 2014 at 5:45 pm

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According to Wikipedia, this ran on BBC America this summer, but if so I certainly missed it. Canadian-made for the UK History Channel, it's a mock-doc about the World War we had with invaders from Mars back in 1913.

Let's skip straight to the sizzle-reel, shall we? A montage of the doctored archival footage set to completely anachronistic techno music makes about as much sense as the rest of it...

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Jeff Goldblum Wants to Seduce You Into Buying Lightbulbs

Tuesday, September 30, 2014 at 3:30 pm

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The video description calls Mr. Goldblum "an over-the-top celebrity." Umm, yeah...

I've heard things I can't repeat, but suffice it to say this probably isn't anywhere near over the top when it comes to our pal Brundlefly. All GE really needs to tell me is they have a bulb I can throw in the trash without worrying about mercury poisoning, and I'm sold.

Is this one? I don't know. I was distracted by the chestiness. Which I guess is the point. Stupid sexy Goldblum.

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Nimble, New Thimble-Like Game Device, Wants to Give Controllers the Finger

Thursday, September 25, 2014 at 2:30 pm

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Now Harrison Ford will be the champion of all games. Nimble is a device you can put on your fingertip and use as a wireless game controller, remote or mouse. The press release I got emphasized that the developers are college drop-outs, so they probably got the idea from their parents wagging fingers at them and going, "Dammit, you'll never amount to anything! All that money of mine down the drain! What are YOU gonna do about that, Mister? Huh?"

Welp, guess they're going to Indiegogo.

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Alas, the Wait for Total Recall Hookers Is Longer Than We Thought

Tuesday, September 23, 2014 at 3:15 pm

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The three-boobed woman did a pretty good job of hoaxing - until her fake third breast prosthesis got stolen, recovered and inventoried. So much for that MTV reality show that existed only in her own mind.

Ah well, we'll always have Angela Bassett on American Horror Story. And the double-dicked guy.

The Three-Boobed Hooker From Total Recall Is No Longer Pure Fiction

Monday, September 22, 2014 at 1:53 pm

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Jasmine Tridevil

The only part that's still fiction is the hooker part - the appropriately named Jasmine Tridevil, who had a third breast surgically created, has a different goal in mind that involves selling herself for money: reality TV.

In case you were wondering, the third areola is a tattoo. And Jasmine does not understand men at all.

"I got it because I wanted to make myself unattractive to men. Because I don't want to date anymore," she said.
In the real world, I fully expect to hear of a guy who surgically added an extra hand just for her.


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17 Things You May Have Missed This Weekend, From KFC Keyboards to Hamster Hot-Dogging

Monday, September 22, 2014 at 6:00 am

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A 16-disc set of Matt Smith's Doctor Who tenure is coming - and that's but one thing that came up in conversation over the course of the weekend thread. Compiled with the help of Kyle LeClair, here are some of the other stories you might have missed.

Tipsters this week included Gallen_Dugall, SlyDante777, Anyone00, troi, Rx79Immigrant84, Citrus_King

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Revoltech Darth Vader Welcomes the Weekend Open Thread

Friday, September 19, 2014 at 7:29 pm

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We probably didn't need yet another company to make Darth Vader, but it happened anyway. A few more things before everyone chips in...

-James Deen is presumably Dick Reckard in this NSFW Blade Runner porn pictorial.

-Bill Nye endorses this time-travel documentary Kickstarter.

-GWAR replaced Oderus Urungus with a woman named Vulvatron.

-David Ayer may do a Suicide Squad movie.

-Laser cannons on planes are already a thing.

-A Top Cat origin movie isn't the movie you need, but the prequel Mexico deserves.

-An L. Frank Baum biopic? Word to the wise - he's a little harder to whitewash than Disney in Saving Mr. Banks.

-Game of Thrones theme, '80s synth-style version, is the best thing today.

Weekend Hangover: From Sharknado 3 to Running Jetpacks, 17 Stories You May Have Missed

Monday, September 15, 2014 at 6:00 am

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Yes, Yondu is now in Disney Infinity, and even though they've stylized the design and probably don't have to pay for Michael Rooker's likeness, it's clearly the MIchael Rooker version. Which means that Henry Lee Lucas can run wild in your personal Disney World.

Compiled with the help of Kyle LeClair, here are 16 more reader-submitted items from over the weekend that you may have missed. Tipsters include skrag2112, SlyDante777, Gallen_Dugall, Rx79immigrant84, NOT.DrAbraxas, Anyone00

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7 Ways Apple Is Becoming Nintendo (For Better or Worse)

Wednesday, September 10, 2014 at 6:00 am

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Full disclosure: I've owned an iPhone since the smartphone launched back in 2007. I've jumped from the first generation hardware, to the 3G, to the 4, to the 5. And with each upgrade, I've gone from the kind of wide-eyed fascination with a shiny new piece of hardware to a resigned shrug with all fucks fully exhausted at this point as Cupertino does its annual hardware shuffle, rolling out its latest and "eh"-est to increasingly muted enthusiasm (by yours truly, at least - Apple's making money hand over fist, so someone is still in love with the damned thing).

As Apple rolled out their two iPhone models yesterday, I reached a queasy realization: I have the same relationship with Apple that I've had with Nintendo since... well, almost 2007. From the highs of a new hardware announcement to the sinking feeling that either I've outgrown their products, or this company has stopped growing in any discernible and interesting way.

Read on as I try to make the case that the Apple Watch is just this generation's Virtual Boy...

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Apple to Create Giant Watch That Will Pay for Leaked Celebrity Nudes, or Something

Tuesday, September 9, 2014 at 11:43 am

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I'm still proud to say I have a camera that isn't connected to the Internet, unless I choose it to be. Now you're going to persuade me that a hackable watch is something I need too?

Apparently. Apple today unveiled the new iPhone 6, which is basically bigger, more powerful, etc. Then, the iWatch, which monitors your vital signs along with doing a lot of the shit your smartphone can, plus, y'know, being a watch. (My main criteria for a watch: that it tells time and is waterproof and shockproof, which I'm thinking this probably isn't)

Oh, and a feature called ApplePay, which is designed to replace your wallet and allow you to pay for stuff by tapping your Apple phone - they say they won't track your purchases at all, and yet there will be loyalty/reward programs to encourage the switch.

Internet's somehow going to get even worse at next year's Comic-Con, isn't it?