Ask Luke's Mother-in-Law - With Bonus Video This Time!

Thursday, March 20, 2014 at 8:00 am

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Luke's mother-in-law is former LAPD, a licensed property appraiser and a self-described crazy cat lady. None of which has prepared her for TR readers. All questions and answers are real.

Hey de ho all!!!! It is another Thursday. Last week, as some of you know, I was visiting our fearless learder LYT and Mrs. LYT for the day. LYT planned a meet and greet - so when he suggested it, I said okay, I would venture out to civilization for a day. Joshua Tree is so different from LA. Anyway we had a pretty good turnout. LYT got some pics and he said he would post them for me. For those of you who were able to make it, nice to meet you. I am still waiting on my nickname suggestions, so keep them coming if you have an idea. Mom is always okay - but I know you are much more creative than that.

So let's get on down the road with your interesting - and sometimes disturbing -questions this week.

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The 10 Nerdiest Things At SXSW 2014

Monday, March 17, 2014 at 6:00 am

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Warner Bros.
Godzilla 2014
If you want to get your money's worth out of your travel, South by Southwest is the place to go. It's more than just a film festival, although its films are way more awesome than you usually get from indie movies about "important" issues. SXSW movies are usually about depraved violence, and weird alternate realities. There's an equal amount of tech on display at the Interactive portion of SXSW and not in a boring, instruction-manual kind of way; it's stuff you can actually use, and want to use. There's also a music festival going on, which means SXSW was invented by teleporters who can be in three places at once. For those of you who can't teleport or clone yourselves, I'm here to help.

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Manos: The Hands of Fate Restored - The So-Called "Worst Movie" Has Never Looked Better

Friday, March 14, 2014 at 6:00 am

[EDITOR'S NOTE: In order to achieve the widest possible range of coverage, the morning feature will occasionally replace the standard "List" format with an in-depth reported article on a topic relevant to our interests. Let me know in comments below if you consider this a positive or negative development -LYT]

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Many people have called Harold P. Warren's Manos: The Hands of Fate the worst movie ever made. I must respectfully contradict those people, Manos cannot be the worst movie in a world in which Barry J. Gillis' 1989 Things exists. Odds are it's not even the worst American movie ever made, though the need for a snappy headline once resulted in me describing Manos as such. (And those words keep coming back to haunt me.)

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5 Things That Make South Park: The Stick of Truth Awesome (and 2 That Make It Lame)

Monday, March 10, 2014 at 6:00 am

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Way back in the distant time of December 2011, we were first teased with a glimpse of South Park: The Stick of Truth, an RPG that would potentially be one the few cartoon-to-game translations of this generation to excel beyond the norm, to become that rare licensed game that actually captured the source material perfectly, down to South Park creators Trey Parker and Matt Stone (themselves being hardcore gamers as well) being personally involved.

Cut to now. After numerous delays and issues with the game's production (which were even poked fun at by the show itself), The Stick of Truth's tale of the legendary New Kid in South Park and his role in the war to gain the Stick's power can finally be told with the game's release last week. Does it live up to the standards set of by both the show's legacy and the years of hype? Grab some Snacky Cakes and proceed forth to find out...NSFW material ahead, though, so proceed at thy own risk.

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The 10 Most Unlikely Video Games Based on Movies and TV Shows

Tuesday, March 4, 2014 at 6:00 am

Wikipedia

You know what show could make for a really good video game? Supernatural. You could play as Dean or Sam Winchester, driving around the country in a badass Impala, stopping off in various small towns to battle demons, werewolves, shape-shifters and other creepy-crawlies. The show has an elaborate, twisty mythology, epic fight scenes and nine seasons-worth of crazy-ass monsters to choose from. But there is no Supernatural game, and as of this writing there's been no word that anybody is working on one.

Or how about Babylon 5, the classic, complex, cheap-o sci-fi saga celebrating its 20th anniversary this year? (I know. We are old.) Can you believe there has never been an official Babylon 5 game? The series ran for 5 very busy seasons, spawned spin-offs, TV movies, dozens of books and comics, and won shelves full of Hugos and Emmys. There's never been a Babylon 5 video game, though.

But hey, we did get a Grey's Anatomy game. Because somebody somewhere wanted to play that, I guess. Here's our list of some of the most unlikely games based on movies and TV shows. As you explore these bizarre games, remember: somebody made these instead of ever making a console title based on the Stargate TV franchise. (Three live-action series and a Saturday morning cartoon, and the best you're gonna get is some rinky-dink mobile game.)

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9 Ways to Save Nintendo From Itself

Thursday, February 13, 2014 at 6:00 am

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So if you're familiar with recent gaming news, you should probably know by now that Nintendo is kind of in some deep crap at the moment. After stating that they planned to sell about 9 million Wii Us this year, they later found themselves sadly having to reduce that number to 2.8 million consoles sold in a year. So yeah, finding even fewer people interested in the Wii U, Nintendo held an investor meeting a short while back to outline a battle plan. And the company widely criticized these days for focusing too much on gimmicks and not enough on games delivered a plan that was...mostly vague and basically focused too much on gimmicks and not enough on games.

Hoo boy. Methinks we might need an intervention of sorts here.

Look Nintendo, you're basically turning into the gaming equivalent of DC Comics these days: A once-mighty champion of their medium that's now seemingly content to just sort of dick around and hope that an act of said dickery will somehow stumble upon a ritual that summons a magic imp who can summon free money for you, probably in exchange for your first born child or something. And while we do enjoy mocking you quite a bit at times, we do still respect and love you enough to not let you destroy yourself. So while I don't claim to be a master strategist in the area of business, and while just saying "MAKE MOAR F***ING GAMES" nine times in a row would probably be easier, let's still take a look at some better plans you can use to get things going in your favor again...


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EXCLUSIVE: Role-Playing Comedy Knights of Badassdom Map Piece

Tuesday, February 11, 2014 at 10:00 am

In the LARP comedy Knights of Badassdom, opening today on-demand and through hosted screenings via Tugg.com, three best friends (Peter Dinklage, Steve Zahn and Ryan Kwanten) and dedicated LARPers (Live Action Role Players) take to the woods to reenact a dungeons and dragons-like scenario fresh out of the mythical Middle Ages. Trouble arises after they unwittingly conjure up some serious evil in the form of a blood-lusting Succubus, from the pits of hell. Summer Glau costars.

The map that is key to their adventures has been divided into pieces and spread across several sites. Which ones? Ah, that thou must discovereth. But we are happy to host one of the exclusive pieces below (click to enlarge):

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For a hint at its significance, check out the film's trailer...

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Weekend Hangover: Lego Simpsons, Wooden Dick, Chicken Tail, Gummy Travolta

Monday, February 10, 2014 at 8:00 am

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Who were those stylish, square-masked individuals? Perhaps one of many things you missed over the weekend, some of which have been slapped together into this one big-ass post for your enjoyment.

This week's items compiled with the assist of SlyDante777, including tips from himself and Citrus_King, rkwsuperstar, Patch999, James.k.Polk, troi, Anyone00, Dr.Gonzo82, Gallen_Dugall, clone_boy99, aidan.jeans.

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4 Reasons Elder Scrolls Online Could End My Marriage & 4 Reasons It Won't Move Me to Mom's Basement

Monday, February 10, 2014 at 6:00 am

Every few years, a game developer tries to take a shot at the MMO market, ever so dominated by Blizzard and their juggernaut, World of Warcraft. Many have faced this electronic Gom Jabbar, trying and failing, or worse, trying and dying in the best of Bene Gesserit traditions. While nothing has been successful in knocking Warcraft off the top of the MMO charts, RPG masterminds Bethesda have locked and loaded a large caliber shell aimed at dethroning Blizzard: Elder Scrolls Online. It's a well calculated strategy; previous entries Morrowwind, Oblivion and most recently Skyrim all won immense amounts of acclaim. With Skyrim alone selling over 20 million copies, it's safe to say the series has a fanbase that could take on WoW.

We here at Topless Robot got to spend a long, caffeine and Cheetos filled weekend with the latest entry, Elder Scrolls Online. Here's your first look at what you can expect when you step into the online world of Tamriel. Is Elder Scrolls Online worth $60, $14.99 a month, and everyone you've ever loved? Let's find out, starting with the good...

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7 Reasons I, Frankenstein Is Like the Greatest RPG Campaign Ever GM'd

Tuesday, January 28, 2014 at 6:00 am
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Image Official Movie Website

Every January some friends of mine and I gather at a local movie theater to watch the movie we believe will be the worst film that will be released that calendar year. It may seem like this is a bit early in the year to make such an attempt, but it isn't. January is a month when movie studios tend to release films they expect to flop or that won't stand up well to the critical eye. Don't believe me? Let's have a quick look: 2013 - Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters, 2011 - Season of the Witch, 2010 - Daybreakers, 2009 - Paul Blart, Mall Cop. This year my friends and I had to choose between I, Frankenstein and The Legend of Hercules. It was a close call, but when we made our choice I, Frankenstein had a 0% Fresh Rating on Rotten Tomatoes and that clinched the deal. We all asked each other, "how bad does a film have to be in order to be universally hated?"

Apparently, the answer is, "not that bad." I left the theater finding it incredible that no critics enjoyed the film. After all, Miami Connection is 73% Fresh. I only had two explanations for the universal disdain for I, Frankenstein. Either the critics - like Frankenstein's monster - had no souls, or critics weren't seeing the film for what it is. It is simply a perfect translation of a fantastic role-playing game campaign, possibly the greatest campaign ever GM'd. If your campaign is half as high concept, action packed, and just plain balls to the wall insane, then you are one lucky gamer. The movie is filled with tropes that are common in role playing games, especially the more "narrative" ones. Let me give you seven quick illustrations of what I mean.


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