Israeli Airline Safety Video Is More Than a Little Weird

By Luke Y. Thompson in Music, Nerdery
Wednesday, April 23, 2014 at 2:13 pm

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"You packed, you crammed..." How did you know that, UP Airlines? Did your magical blue-suited contortionists spy on me? Is that what El Al means when they claim to have the "tightest" security in the world?

Putting all the safety instructions in a bizarre music video seems like a genius idea. And to those of us who only watch online - yeah, we're kinda tripping balls wondering who came up with it. If I were a regular Israeli flyer, however, I imagine I'd be screaming "MAKE IT STOP!" by about the third trip.

Everybody up up, yeah yeah.

Cockmasters! The '80s Action Figure Line That Never Existed (or Did It?)

By Luke Y. Thompson in Cartoons, TV, Toys
Wednesday, April 23, 2014 at 12:00 pm

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The satire may be lost on kids who don't remember the '80s, but literally, the way toy lines worked back then was that somebody would think up a gimmick - aliens riding dinosaurs, things that change color, skeletons that turn into vehicles, etc. - and then a usually feeble attempt to wrap a storyline around it to form a barely animated show would ensue.

A line of hero and villain figures with guns popping out of their crotch isn't just feasible; there was one that actually kinda-sorta happened. Yep, lest you thought this was a stretch, Toy Biz actually made a Punisher figure with a crotch rocket...who also transformed into a gun that fired out his ass. Let's see Disney turn THAT into a movie.

Meanwhile, yeah...fun fake commercial.

Lego, What Have You Done? A Barbie Movie Is Coming

By Luke Y. Thompson in Movies, Toys
Wednesday, April 23, 2014 at 10:32 am

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I knew it. I knew once Mattel saw that there could be a successful hit film based upon a brand with multiple possibilities, they'd push Barbie. The hitch in the past always was that they didn't want to define Barbie as one thing when the idea of the toys is that she can be anything, from astronaut to politician to mermaid...but indeed, so can Lego, and focusing on lowly Emmet didn't hurt that brand any.

It seems the story they've come up with

allows the character Barbie to use her personal and professional skills to step into the lives of others and improve them, almost like a modern-day Mary Poppins
I hate the idea that I reflexively recoil at this, because in theory, there's no reason a brand for girl toy collectors need suck as a movie any more than a brand for boys, or both. But then I see that the screenwriter's biggest credit to date is What a Girl Wants, and I remember having to see that movie, and I wonder why they can't find the equivalent of a Chris Miller and Phil Lord in somebody like Kristen Wiig or Any Schumer or Tina Fey.

Now, as Beavis and Butt-head long ago posited, they just need to find a dude with no wiener to play Ken. Any suggestions?

Godzilla Trailer, Sweded: Featuring GI Joes, Toy Cars and Spot-On Cranston

By Luke Y. Thompson in Movies, Puppets, Tech, Toys
Wednesday, April 23, 2014 at 10:00 am

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These keep getting better and better. Cinefix's latest "Homemade Trailer" recreates the epic moments and the human drama of Godzilla with an outstanding Bryan Cranston-by-way-of-Harrison-Ford impersonator, lotsa toy cars, G.I. Joe figures for wide shots, a less-good David Strathairn, and many creative ways to replicate each individual shot.

You might say it's more convincing than some of the Toho films. While that would be a cheap shot, you wouldn't necessarily be wrong. Also: MAN IN SUIT!

I READ YOUR FANFIC! "Les Miserables: Madeleine's Fate"

By Luke Y. Thompson in Movies, Music, Nerdery
Wednesday, April 23, 2014 at 8:00 am

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If you want to submit fan fiction for me to read, please send it - or a link to it - to toplessrobot-at-gmail-dot-com with subject line "Read my Fanfic!"

Title: "Les Miserables: Madeleine's Fate" by Anonymous

Logline: Inspector Javert impregnates Jean Valjean, because apparently that's possible. Then they have late-term sex.

Acts Involved: Anal sex, pregnancy fetish, male impregnation, hermaphrodite porn, vaginal (?) intercourse between two men (?), lactation fetish, chubby chaser, handjob (Hugh Jackoff?).

Participants: Javert, Jean Valjean.

The live reading:

WonderCon in 20 Photos: The Great, the Genius and the Disturbing

Wednesday, April 23, 2014 at 6:00 am

Number 1: Furry's a Jolly Good Fellow.

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WonderCon used to be the wholly reasonable, doable, manageable, less-crowded version of San Diego Comic Con...but that's gradually going away as more and more people figure it out. Yes, you can still get into some panels easily, and yeah, parking nearby is quite attainable if you're an hour early...and yes, most of the exclusive clips of movies shown here have been shown at prior festivals (seriously...how many people out there were STILL surprised that the new Godzilla has more than one monster in it? More than you'd think).

I took a few pictures. I thought you might like to see them.

"It's a Small World" Will Be a Movie. Pray for the Parents

By Luke Y. Thompson in Movies
Tuesday, April 22, 2014 at 5:39 pm

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Joe Penniston

It's a world of remakes, a world of crap
And a Disney company full of pap
There's so much to remake
But it's all a mistake
With your lunch hurled after all!

The director for this is Turtletaub
Who has made a deal with Beelzebub
He's done films with Nic Cage
But none that so enrage
Or make me fall curled in a ball!

Agents of SHIELD SPOILER Thread: Oswalt, Cobbled-Plot

By Luke Y. Thompson in Comics, TV
Tuesday, April 22, 2014 at 5:21 pm

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This chair presumably made with Patton leather.

Secrets will be revealed - and I'm guessing one of them is that "Hiss name isss NAHT QUAID!"


High Schoolers Obsessed With Ketchup Solve Watery Squirt Problem

By Luke Y. Thompson in Food & Drink, Tech
Tuesday, April 22, 2014 at 4:13 pm

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We sometimes debate, you and I, what is or is not "nerdy" - it's silly, really, but it is a part of who we are and what we do, and I wouldn't change that.

Except that if you disagree about THIS being nerdy, you're wrong - teenagers doing a yearlong project to invent something that will solve their lifelong irritation with the fact that there's water in the first squirt of ketchup from a bottle.

I could have saved them time by saying "shake the bottle first." But they invented a gizmo. Check it out, and wonder why a mustard fan didn't come up with it first, since those French's bottles are the REAL offenders.

Our WonderCon Interviews Uncut: Gary Oldman, Keri Russell, Andy Serkis, Will Poulter

By Luke Y. Thompson in Books, Movies
Tuesday, April 22, 2014 at 2:30 pm

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The Will Poulter interview is a total TR exclusive, while the others are shared, group interviews. Still, Gary Oldman only said ONE outlet's name aloud, and you'd best believe I plan on milking it.