I READ YOUR FANFIC! "Harry Potter: Forbidden Love"

By Luke Y. Thompson in Books, Movies
Wednesday, April 16, 2014 at 8:00 am

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If you want to submit fan fiction for me to read, please send it - or a link to it - to toplessrobot-at-gmail-dot-com with subject line "Read my Fanfic!"

Title: "Forbidden Love" by Darkmoon 2222

Logline: Ginny Weasley and Draco Malofy lie naked together, and then a bunch of other characters tell them off.

Acts Involved: Disappointingly, just the lying nude together and getting yelled at. No oral, vaginal or anal sex, nuthin'. But we have fun with it anyway.

Participants: Draco, Ginny, Remus Lupin, Nymphadora Tonks, Mad-Eye Moody, Minerva McGonagall.

The Live Reading...(Featuring Greg Jones Jr. and Francis the Cat, plus a really badly placed light)

The 10 Greatest Roles of Dick Miller

By Fred Topel in Daily Lists, Movies
Wednesday, April 16, 2014 at 6:00 am

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Dick Miller

You love Dick Miller movies. Maybe you don't know you love Dick Miller movies, but you definitely love Dick Miller movies. He's been in 174 movies and TV shows, but you may only know him as "that guy." Whenever he shows up in a pivotal scene, you go, "It's that guy!" That's why the name of his own movie is That Guy Dick Miller.

New X-Men Trailer Specifically Spells out the Plot, in Case You Missed It Before

By Luke Y. Thompson in Comics, Movies
Tuesday, April 15, 2014 at 8:45 pm

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If you already know what Days of Future Past is about - and reading this, it's a safe bet that you do - I gotta be honest: you might not want to watch this. This is a trailer for the average, casual, not-paying-attention moviegoer who's going "Who to the time travelly what now?" It gives you the specific plan that the main character has, some indication of how he executes it, and a slight sense of what degree of success he may experience.

Now...let's see how many of you can resist temptation.

Agents of SHIELD SPOILER Thread - Who You Gonna Call?

By Luke Y. Thompson in Comics, TV
Tuesday, April 15, 2014 at 5:00 pm

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When you're all alone!
Pick up the phone!
And you call?

PATTON OSWALT!

...apparently.

[Note: new episode starts at 9. Rerun of last week at 8. New Guardians of the Galaxy footage to be shown somewhere in all that.]

That Harsh Reminder That Patrick Stewart and Ian McKellen Are Not Really a Perfect Cute Couple

By Luke Y. Thompson in Nerdery, TV
Tuesday, April 15, 2014 at 4:00 pm

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The fact that they do absolutely terribly in this faux Newlywed Game hosted by Buzzfeed is proof positive that they're not secretly married, and in fact are just like your straight guy friends whose favorite things you can't be bothered to remember.

This despite the fact that Patrick says "I saw his Widow Twankey!"

"Bears on Stairs," the Animated Short That Looks CG but Isn't

By Luke Y. Thompson in Cartoons
Tuesday, April 15, 2014 at 2:30 pm

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Not unlike the scene in Beetlejuice where Alec Baldwin and Geena Davis stretch their faces into monstrous shapes, this animation of a bear is achieved by the substitution of multiple models. Unlike them, it's been 3-D printed every time from the CG original (a technique used by Laika in movies like ParaNorman).

The result arguably complicates a process that would be much easier with manipulated pixels, but delivers a slightly more tactile quality to the obejects. Stare as long as you can bear it

Geek Apparel of the Week: The World's End "F*** off Back to Legoland" T-Shirt and Pillow

By Luke Y. Thompson in Merchandise, Movies
Tuesday, April 15, 2014 at 1:00 pm

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Not much to add here, is there? Except that if you're ever invited to a party at Chris Miller and Phil Lord's place, you absolutely must show up in this.

For those concerned about such things, Edgar Wright and Simon Pegg have officially authorized these - and there are pillows, too. Censored versions that will presumably use asterisks or something (like my totally wimping-out headline, above) are also going to be made available so that you can cleverly confuse people who are easily offended but don't know how to spell (me, I'm just trying to avoid spam filters).

Damian Wayne Is a Real S.O.B. (Son of Batman) in New Animated Movie Clip

By Luke Y. Thompson in Cartoons, Comics
Tuesday, April 15, 2014 at 11:16 am

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More will be revealed at WonderCon this weekend, but for now here's a brand new scene from DC's newest DTV animated movie, Son of Batman, starring Jason O'Mara as a surprisingly Clooney-sounding Batman. But don't hold that against him.

Midlife Crisis Kermit the Frog, in Black and White, Goes Psycho

By Luke Y. Thompson in Cartoons, Music, TV
Tuesday, April 15, 2014 at 10:00 am

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In this animated short by RageNineteen, years of being married to a pig have driven Kermit to write and play inappropriate songs for kids like, "I'm Gonna Make the Whole World Deaf (From All Your Screams)" and "They'll Never Find Your Body." But he can still at least fake the old enthusiasm...so long as he doesn't catch anyone crying...

Blu-ray Today: Jan Svankmajer, Ben Stiller and a Bunch of Other Nuts

By Luke Y. Thompson in DVDs
Tuesday, April 15, 2014 at 8:00 am

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Jan Svankmajer's Alice - As curiously literal as it is to Lewis Carroll's text, this stop-motion feature by Czech surrealist animator Svankmajer is as far out in its visuals. Alice goes back and forth from doll to human without much explanation, the Mad Hatter's made of metal, and the White Rabbit is a taxidermy nightmare with real fangs and googly eyes. It ought to be one of the most amazing things ever, but Svankmajer is determined to constantly point out the artifice - mostly by non-stop closeups of his lead's mouth as she follows every line of dialogue with "...said Alice," "...said the March Hare," etc. As a result, one is inherently distanced from the substance, and while the style is unique and fun, it does get extremely repetitive eventually.

The Secret Life of Walter Mitty - Ben Stiller's latest movie about what a cool guy he really is once you get past his exterior takes the title of a James Thurber short story in vain. Having very little to do with a tale that was all about escaping into the imagination, Stiller's take sees Walter as an ex junior skateboarding champion, now a meek employee of Life magazine who embarks on a search for a daredevil photographer (Sean Penn) in order to procure a missing negative. Beautiful cinematography mixes with non-stop product placement to make a final film that, ironically enough, probably can't measure up to the daydream version you'd create in your own head.