7 Jurassic World Sequel Ideas I Just Pulled out of My Ass

By Luke Y. Thompson in Daily Lists, Movies
Thursday, July 30, 2015 at 5:00 am

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Okay, so we know there will be another Jurassic Park movie, directly sequelizing Jurassic World, and that both Chris Pratt and Bryce Dallas Howard will be returning. That's a no-brainer. But coming up with a surefire premise is more of a challenge.

See, the reason Jurassic World worked was because it showed us a version of the dinosaur park we hadn't seen before in the three previous movies - as a fully functioning tourist attraction we'd love to visit, until the monsters escape. You can't repeat the novelty of that, nor should you from a logical perspective, because why would anyone logically reopen that park again?

I can think of a few ideas. They may not all be winners.

The Next Grumpy Cat Is Here: Earl the Grumpy Pup

By Luke Y. Thompson in Miscellaneous
Wednesday, July 29, 2015 at 3:27 pm

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Since everyone is going to start merchandising the bejeezus out of this dog in about a week, we might as well get our meme in early. Oh shiz, that's a pun too, since his name is Earl. Fittingly, per the similarly named sitcom, he seems to have hit the Internet viral lottery and is giving back to those of us who seek content.

...owner Derek Bloomfield, 25, has decided to share some new pictures of his downcast dog to prove that Earl is definitely Grumpy Cat's new rival. Derek, from Iowa, USA, claims that, despite his sulky face, Earl is in fact super friendly to other humans and dogs. His expression is merely down to an underbite. Apart from his expression, he is just like any other dogs - enjoying eating snacks, sunbathing and chasing balls around the local park.
Huh huh. "Balls."

Now, which commenter will be the first to use him as an avatar?


Cinefix's "Sweded" Ant-Man Trailer Is Almost Too Good

By Luke Y. Thompson in Comics, Movies
Wednesday, July 29, 2015 at 12:03 pm

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When you're walking down the street, and you see a little ant, what'cha gonna do about Aaaaant-Man?

The whole point of Sweding - Michel Gondry's Be Kind Rewind fictional term for making homemade versions of actual movies - used to be, in part, how wonderfully cheap and cardboard-y they looked. This Ant-Man trailer one actually features costumes I'd call convention-ready. Now, I understand, Cinefix, that this feature is doing well so you probably gave it a bigger budget - but that could be counterproductive (see also Lucas, George).

The moment you start getting professional singers to do the "Dooo, dooo, dooo" on the soundtrack could be the moment I rebel. Thankfully we're not there yet.

Cobra and Assassin's Creed Join Toy Soldiers: War Chest

By Luke Y. Thompson in Toys, Video Games
Wednesday, July 29, 2015 at 10:48 am

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Sorry, My Little Pony fans - "Equestria" wasn't one of the final two armies revealed for the action-figure-inspired tower defense game.

Frankly, I think they cheated a bit - most of us assumed, probably, that "GI Joe" included Cobra, Dreadnoks and every other faction. But no: Cobra's it's own thing, which I suppose means that "Masters of the Universe" also doesn't include Princess of Power or the Evil Horde, or even Skeletor. What is cool is that if you're a good enough player, an animated Cobra Commander can finally win a battle.

And the other army is Assassin's Creed. Is it NECA or McFarlane's? I don't know, and I suspect Ubisoft doesn't care. Check out the trailer below.

Lego Dimensions Confirms Midway Arcade License, Shows New Story Trailer

By Luke Y. Thompson in Toys, Video Games
Wednesday, July 29, 2015 at 9:38 am

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LEGO Dimensions features an original story that combines characters and worlds from 14 of the most popular entertainment brands including DC Comics, The Lord of the Rings, The LEGO Movie, The Wizard of Oz, LEGO Ninjago, Back to the Future, Scooby-Doo, LEGO Chima, Doctor Who, Jurassic World, Ghostbusters, The Simpsons, Portal and Midway Arcade.

Oooh...so we won't just be seeing Gandalf, Batman, Scooby-Doo and friends playing Portal, but maybe Joust, Defender, Tapper and Paperboy too? Great Scott!

Beyond that, the new trailer gives us a look at new villain Lord Vortech, who is stealing characters from various realities and apparently making Sauron look like a chump, Riddler riding a Balrog, Superman looking like he might go Man of Steel on the Emerald City (watch your neck, Wicked Witch!),and a Batman vs. Batman slap-fight.

I'm maybe thinking that the Scooby-Doo tie-in will lead to Lord Vortech having a true identity as someone we've already come across, but that's just a hunch...


Chris Pine Is Finally Confirmed as Steve Trevor in Wonder Woman

By Luke Y. Thompson in Comics, Movies
Wednesday, July 29, 2015 at 8:00 am

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Here's my theory as to why Pine will be Wonder Woman's love interest, though it's one that assumes imdb can be believed when it comes to biographical information:

Pine is six feet tall. Gal Gadot is 5' 10". In heels, she'll appear to be about the same height as he is.

Most Hollywood leading men are short, and don't like their leading ladies to be taller. Wonder Woman is an Amazon, so she has to be kinda tall. Getting a guy who's about the same height but not significantly taller was probably the only solution to this common ego issue.

Based on at least one comic rendition, he looks the part, too. Sorry, folks who were hoping he'd be Hal Jordan. All three of you.

NOTE: While there is also a story going around that Channing Tatum is out of the Gambit movie, most of the articles I've seen that have headlines "confirming" it actually hedge their bets in the story itself. So I don't buy it's definite...yet.

New Comic Book Day: My Fourth Favorite Marvel Movie

By Jim Dandeneau in Comics
Wednesday, July 29, 2015 at 6:30 am

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Dark Horse Comics
I managed to sneak away from my piles and piles of comics that I have to review long enough to go check out Ant Man this weekend, and I loved it. It had as much heart as a phase 1 Marvel movie, with more humor than Guardians of the Galaxy. With ranking Marvel movies being all the rage these days, (I must have seen that thing on Facebook 15 times yesterday alone) my first thought when I walked out of the theater was "Top 5 Marvel movie. Would have been top 3 except for Yellowjacket."

I think I feel bad for Corey Stoll. I mean, I hate House of Cards and The Strain, so I might just be predisposed towards disliking him, but his introduction to the movie was bad enough where it took me a good 10 minutes to get back into the movie. It's like they wanted him to chew the scenery, but then stuck a mouthguard in so he couldn't actually get his teeth onto anything. He was so ridiculously mustache-twirly, and really the whole villain side of the movie was so stupid that it took a herculean effort from Rudd, Peña, Abby Fortson and Antony to make up for it. "Hey, Hank, good to see you back at the office! Come with me and let's watch this promotional video for all the international laws we're going to violate." I mean, come on.

This week in comics, we travel to a couple of years ago in a galaxy far far away; a long time ago in a galaxy far far away; a long time from now in a galaxy like, right here; a 1980s Montreal nudie bar; the seedy underbelly of Metropolis; and the biggest fantasy of all: an affordable building in Williamsburg. But first, we bounce around time until we find a Kaiju hole.

The 10 Nerdiest MMA Fighters and How They'd Take You Out

By Steven Kelliher in Daily Lists, Nerdery
Wednesday, July 29, 2015 at 5:00 am

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Tamdan McCrory

If you were raised on the action movies of the '80s and '90s, you were taught to fear men who wore leather jackets and sported facial scars just as you were cautioned to avoid jocks, bros and the like in the hallways of high school. When boxing was the king of combat sports - of all sports, for that matter - you could (generally) tell you were looking at a fighter, be it Mike Tyson, Oscar De La Hoya or Joe Frazier. They just had a certain look to them.

But this is the new age, and MMA is the king of new-age sports. Sure, some fighters dotting the UFC's Octagon look precisely how you'd imagine them to, but in a sport where looks and a six pack mean about as much to winning a fight as a high GPA does to getting friends, you truly never know what someone is capable of - nor can you tell one by their interests - until you've seen him or her in action.

These are the 10 nerdiest fighters in MMA (in order), along with the sound and inarguable logic behind how they would take you out in the unlikely event you found yourself opposite them in the cage.


GIVEAWAY: Star Wars T-Shirts From Shirts.com

By Luke Y. Thompson in Merchandise, Movies
Tuesday, July 28, 2015 at 2:30 pm

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Episode I - The T-shirt menace.

Turmoil has engulfed the galactic closet. The status of which shirts best cover your torso is in dispute.

Hoping to defuse the situation, Topless Robot is sending you two T-shirts for being one of two winners in this giveaway. So how do you force-push the odds into your favor?

It's simple. Assume, for the sake of argument, that JJ Abrams indulges all his worst impulses and that The Force Awakens is terrible. In comments below, describe what you think the worst scene will be (and if you make a lens flare joke, it had better be a damn good one). Two winners get to pick two Star Wars shirts apiece from Shirts.com (each one must be valued at $25 or less; shirts can ship to US or Canada addresses only).

Now get creative! I'll close the contest at noon on Tuesday, Aug. 4th, 2015.

Our Readers' Best Breakup Stories: Which One Wins the Joe Dante Blu-ray and Poster?

By Luke Y. Thompson in Blu-ray
Tuesday, July 28, 2015 at 1:30 pm

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To earn a copy of Joe Dante's Burying the Ex, I asked you all to tell me about your craziest exes and how you broke up with them. It didn't occur to me that our Facebook commenting system may have made some of you clam up so as not to be identifiable. However, we got a number of good stories nonetheless.