17 Stories You May Have Missed: Chicken Gimp Suit, Lego Mario, Weaponized Horse Crap, More

Monday, August 18, 2014 at 6:00 am

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Hello Kitty in Space

SummerSlam happened this weekend (result: John Cena gets time off to make movies), as did my best friend's birthday, so it's a treat to catch up on things that happened elsewhere, about which I did not know. With the aid of Kyle LeClair, here are some reader-submitted stories we might not have caught otherwise.

This week's tipsters include: troi, Anyone00, jaganar, SlyDante777, Gallen_Dugall, Timely_Flower-Hermit, Dr.Gonzo82

Weekend Open Thread: Friday Fun Links and VerSpanken!

By Luke Y. Thompson in Movies, Nerdery, Tech, Toys
Friday, August 15, 2014 at 5:30 pm

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Don't forget to enter the two contests we currently have running. And read on for some Friday fun links, including stick-figure porn. Seriously.

Mario World Theme, Now With Yoshi-Abuse Lyrics

By Luke Y. Thompson in Cartoons, Video Games
Friday, August 15, 2014 at 4:00 pm

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Pete Holmes gave us one realistic take on Mario and Yoshi's relationship, indicating that an actual dinosaur would not be so friendly to the Italian plumber brothers.

Taking the alternate view, Fox ADHD suggests that Mario is the jerky one, and demonstrates this in song. Though considering the way they've drawn Mario, he looks like Family Guy's Stewie in disguise, and therefore it should be no surprise whatsoever that he's an evil jerk.

And yeah, "Yoshi Abuse" can totally be a euphemism for...uh...you know.

The Guardians of the Galaxy Will Discover Venom's Home Planet

By Luke Y. Thompson in Comics
Friday, August 15, 2014 at 2:30 pm

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Oh, not in the movies. Legally, that can't happen. But Brian Michael Bendis is having a blast with the fact that he can do it on the page.

"I looked it up and I was like no, there's been a planet we've seen taken over by symbiotes, but have we not seen the planet of the symbiotes?" Bendis said. "I called [Marvel Senior Vice President Of Publishing] Tom Brevoort, I go, could it be that even in the craziness of the '90s when it was Venom, Venom, Venom every five seconds, that this story has not been told? And he goes, yeah we've never been there. And I'm like, now I have to do it! It's crazy."
So, uh...this all an excuse to market a ton of Rocket Raccoon-as-Venom action figures, right? Or to have the following dialogue scene?
"I am Groot."
"We are Venom."
"I am Groot."
"We Are Venom."
etc.

Just explain to me why they all have spiders on their chest when they've presumably never met Spider-Man, and we'll be good.


Stormtrooper Helmet From Star Wars Episode VII Now Seems Pretty Well Confirmed

By Luke Y. Thompson in Movies
Friday, August 15, 2014 at 1:02 pm

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501st Legion

I shared an image on our social media last night taken from a site I'd never heard of; an image that purported to be the new Stormtrooper helmet from Star Wars Episode VII.

Well, when the 501st Legion, who are pretty much the official cosplayers of Star Wars, share it, that basically confirms it's legit. So what do you think?

I'm not crazy about the idea that the Empire are still the villains. I've seen some potentially huge spoilers on other sites today, but I'm not going to share them here. The take-home, though, as this affirms, is that the Empire is around in some form. That said, if we're going there, I like the design - reminds me of a yellowjacket wasp up close.

CONTEST: Losing the Loathing for a New Site Motto

By Luke Y. Thompson in Nerdery
Friday, August 15, 2014 at 11:59 am

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Since its inception, TR has jokingly tossed around the term "self-loathing," usually referring to a particular area of fandom we find embarrassing, or say that we "hate ourselves" for liking. We all knew what it meant, and it was part and parcel of the humorous tone.

It doesn't feel that way any more.

Not only have I found that overseas readers and family members don't really get the humorous take on that phrase and find it off-putting, but after Robin Williams' death and reading the outpouring of your personal tales of depression yesterday, I realized something: I don't ever want any of you to loathe yourselves. Self-loathing is a very real problem for so many of us, and I don't really feel right making light of it...not as a mission statement, anyway. Don't get me wrong - I'm not changing the site's content or tone one iota from whatever it is now. We will continue to look at the worst parts of fandom along with the best, from porn tie-ins to terrible fan fiction, and we will continue to criticize people and things that deserve it. I just want a new motto, and you can help.

Let's have ourselves a contest.

Tags: Contests

Super Terrific Japanese Thing: A Genuinely Sh*tty Museum for Kids

By Luke Y. Thompson in Cartoons, Food & Drink, Tech
Friday, August 15, 2014 at 10:00 am

I know it's been a long time since I did one of these, but there really haven't been that many compelling examples of Japanese weirdness worth writing about in a while.

And then one day you see a picture of kids wearing little turd hats sliding into a gigantic toilet.

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I READ YOUR FANFIC! "I Am Groot"

By Luke Y. Thompson in Miscellaneous, Nerdery
Friday, August 15, 2014 at 8:00 am

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If you want to submit fan fiction for me to read, please send it - or a link to it - to toplessrobot-at-gmail-dot-com with subject line "Read my Fanfic!"

This is a little shorter than normal...in fact, it clocks in at a perfect 4:20, which is also the best way to watch it.

Title: "I Am Groot," by sherlocksmyth

Logline: Guardians of the Galaxy's Groot describes several terrible and ridiculous sex acts.

Acts Involved: Masturbation, nipple-twisting, hetero and homo sex, three-ways, beastiality, fuck your ass make you humble, and possibly more...depending upon your point of view

Participants: Groot, Gamora, Jerry the King Lawler, The Iron Sheik, Hordak, Imp, Goat Man, and possibly more...depending upon your point of view.

The Live Reading/Performance...

8 Reasons D&D 5th Edition Is Better Than Pathfinder

By David N. Scott in Books, Daily Lists, Gaming, Nerdery
Friday, August 15, 2014 at 6:00 am

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Wizards of the Coast
Prepare for the editon war to begin

A new version of D&D is dawning that intends to unite the fractured fan base, as currently D&D is playing underdog to Pathfinder, a game which itself was based on D&D 3rd edition rules. Imagine if the legal vagaries allowed an old partner of Microsoft to make a Windows 7 variant which then beat Windows 8 in sales, and you're pretty close to the situation with D&D and Pathfinder at this point.

The makers of D&D have long had a problem with gamers finding it easy to ignore their releases of new editions. The old books are still available, as well as the aforementioned Pathfinder, and any one of these has enough adventures, class variations, and settings that anybody with a normal life as well as a gaming life would not be able to completely devour them in a lifetime. D&D 5th Edition aims to fix that by appealing to fans of all versions of the D&D experience and thus get them to start buying books again. I was able to get the new Player's Handbook thanks to a limited early release, and despite being pretty firmly in the Pathfinder camp I was really impressed with it - enough to switch our home game over to the new system. Here are eight reasons why...


First 8 Minutes of Chick Tract Movie Dark Dungeons, Depicting D&D as Satanic, Are Now Online

By Luke Y. Thompson in Comics, Gaming, Movies
Thursday, August 14, 2014 at 5:30 pm

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Filmmaker JR Ralls, who actually got the blessing of fiery fundamentalist comic-book creator Jack Chick to adapt his tirade on the Satanic evils of role-playing games, has played it very close to the vest as to how serious his film was going to be.

Today he emailed me with this message: "There has been a lot of controversy over the film and in response we have put the first eight minutes on youtube so now your readers can judge for themselves what type of film we have made"

Indeed.