"Fall of Grayskull": Teaser for Masters of the Universe Fan Film Has the Power

Friday, September 12, 2014 at 12:00 pm

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This is one of the better looking fan film teasers I've ever seen, and it ought to be - filmmaker Daniel Benedict is a renowned He-Man superfan, having designed Castle Grayskullman and thereby won Mattel's Create-a-Character contest in the Classics toy line.

His movie, funded on Kickstarter, takes most of its stylistic cues from the 2002 cartoon and action figures, though the blonde bikini version of Teela comes from the original minicomics and the modern Classics toys, and Skeletor's voice is closer to Frank Langella's than the nasally whine common to both animated versions. With Mattel dragging their feet on ever approving anything for the proposed live-action movie, this is the next best thing we have...and fortunately, it would appear at this early stage to be pretty decent.

GIVEAWAY: Officially Licensed Karate Kid COBRA KAI Costume!

By Luke Y. Thompson in Merchandise, Movies
Friday, September 12, 2014 at 10:00 am

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Fear does not exist! Pain does not exist! Defeat does not exist! Unless you let some punkass kid trained by the janitor get into a crane pose, and then you're totally screwed. But show no mercy in this giveaway, and you can walk away in a $90-value Cobra Kai Halloween costume complete with shirt, pants, belt, headband, and interchangeable name tags which read "Tommy," "Bobby," "Johnny," & "Dutch." Awesomely blond hair is your own responsibility.

Yeah, you've got real nerve entering, but the reward could be an outfit even better than a "Jaden Smith is not MY Karate Kid" shirt (I don't think anyone makes those, but they should). Here's your assignment - in comments below, pitch me your best sequel to any '80s movie you once loved. Not a reboot - a SEQUEL. So if you go with Karate Kid, for example, it needs to have old Danielsan, or Johnny, or whatever the hell Hilary Swank's name was in that terrible spin-off. My favorite entry wins. Our sponsor, HalloweenCostumes.com, wants this to run for a while, so you have a week and a half - we'll close entries Wed., Sept. 24th at noon. BANZAI!

I READ YOUR FANFIC! "A Song of Fire and Iron"

Friday, September 12, 2014 at 8:00 am

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If you want to submit fan fiction for me to read, please send it - or a link to it - to toplessrobot-at-gmail-dot-com with subject line "Read my Fanfic!"

Title: "A song of fire and iron" by Gabriella5Greene551

Logline: Per reader Anya Glass, who sent in the tip, "You must read A song of fire and iron. It's a transformers fanfic with singing, zombies, xenomorphs, and a terrible Mary Sue named Giselle Yvonne delacriox."

Acts Involved: Skull splitting, zombie biting, interspecies romance, and Optimus Prime considering sex with an underage human, which is to say statutory rape. Guess he didn't get the memo from Michael Bay about carrying a copy of the law around in his wallet.

Participants: Giselle Yvonne Delacroix, Optimus Prime, Aliens, The Walking Dead.

The Live Reading/Performance...

8 Ways Addams Family Values Is An Underappreciated Comedy Gem

By Eric Diaz in Daily Lists, Movies
Friday, September 12, 2014 at 6:00 am

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This week, the 1991 movie adaptation of the classic cartoon and television series The Addams Family hit Blu-ray. Sadly, nowhere to be found is its superior sequel from 1993, Addams Family Values. With the first movie being a hit, Paramount got everyone back from the first film, including director Barry Sonnenfeld and most of the cast, for a second go round, and the results were a much funnier, far more subversive film. Comedy sequels are not only almost never as funny as their predecessors; they usually flat out suck. Addams Family Values totally bucked that trend, and made a much better movie using most of the same ingredients that went into making the first film. In fact, I'd go as far as to say that Addams Family Values is one of the funnier mainstream comedies of the 1990s...and here are eight reasons why this movie is such a wonderful (and underappreciated) gem.

Aw Hell...Batman and Robin Writer Akiva Goldsman Is Maybe Doing a Teen Titans Show

By Luke Y. Thompson in Comics, TV
Thursday, September 11, 2014 at 4:30 pm

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Hey, guess what else?

It's just going to be called "Titans." Presumably so they can all be 20-something and get drunk and have sex without any of it being, y'know, illegal.

Or maybe Akiva Goldsman just wants to get Chris O'Donnell back. The project is "nearing a pilot order" at TNT, which means there's still hope it won't happen, but probably not a lot of hope it'll be good. Let's face it: we're talking about a guy who's had two cracks at Robin already, made him so annoying that he hasn't really been seen onscreen since (John Blake doesn't count), and this is the guy you're counting on to bring him back into live-action? Deadline says in this he'll be Dick Grayson as Nightwing, for what that's worth - I can't be entirely sure if that's actual description of the show, or Deadline going by a Wikipedia description.

Nipples on Batman = Nipples on Batman. Just sayin'.

Some Figures Just Want to Watch Your Money Burn: NECA Heath Ledger Joker in Package

By Luke Y. Thompson in Movies, Toys
Thursday, September 11, 2014 at 4:05 pm

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Oh yeah - when it comes to making toys, they are so serious.

What doesn't kill your bank account will make your toy collection stranger, and, in a curious twist, allow the scar-faced clown to battle multiple in-scale Batmen...none of whom are the one he fights onscreen! Adam West and Michael Keaton may find themselves a little overwhelmed, though the Arkham City Bats is well-equipped for such madness.

Just play nice - the guy already has enough scars.

Peter Capaldi is Leonardo da Vinci in a 3D Movie From the History Channel

By Luke Y. Thompson in Artwork, Movies
Thursday, September 11, 2014 at 2:30 pm

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As much as Capaldi/da Vinci/History Channel is a bit of a nerd trifecta, I think we all are probably asking the same question - Capaldi as da Vinci? You don't need to know anything about history to be able to tell that a guy named Leonardo da Vinci is Italian, and Capaldi is...well, if there's a European culture more opposite than the Italians, the Scots are most assuredly in the running. Also da Vinci had a beard, and the above image is an actual promo still from the movie, entitled Inside the Mind of Leonardo and set for theatrical release in October.

I can't wait for the scene where he calls Mona Lisa a "facking cant" or tells Michelangelo to shut it. Although if da Vinci actually was the Doctor, it sure would explain all those crazy codes Tom Hanks keeps finding.

Press release follows...

TR Review: Kevin Smith's Tusk Shows the Director at His Best and Worst

By Luke Y. Thompson in Movies
Thursday, September 11, 2014 at 1:00 pm

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It seems like you're not allowed to be a Kevin Smith moderate these days.

His fans take any negative comment whatsoever as a mortal wound and proof that you have a biased agenda. His non-fans just as often insist on laying down intense vitriol, as if anything less is inadequate to shame the fat man out of existence. And Smith himself feeds this in part by going back and forth between self-deprecation (like non-stop references to his weight) and moments of extreme pettiness (the whole "kicked off a plane" thing). But through it all, I'm fairly constant: I like some of what he does, and I don't like some of what he does. He can be very funny and insightful, and he can also make himself such a target for mockery at times that it's impossible to resist.

Tusk marks the first time I have felt all these things about one of his movies.


99 Red Balloons, as Performed With Balloons as Instruments

By Luke Y. Thompson in Music
Thursday, September 11, 2014 at 11:30 am

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This one guy, on a little YouTube
Covers this song 'cause he's not a rube
Knows it's loved, won't get a yawn
As one by one, viewers log on

Blows up balloons for irony
To play like instruments, you see
It made me post, I gotta say
I like "99 Red Balloons" this way!

"Oh Hymen Mark!" There Is Now a Porn Parody of The Room

By Luke Y. Thompson in Movies
Thursday, September 11, 2014 at 10:03 am

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It hardly seems necessary, given the original movie's explicit and gratuitous sex scenes, bad acting, and bizarrely banal subplots about adultery, pizza delivery and underwears, but yes, the folks at Woodrocket [NSFW link, obviously] decided to try and make an even more ridiculous and explicit version of Tommy Wiseau's magnum opus, starring a guy who looks like Andy Samberg in a wig. Their stock footage of San Francisco, it must be said, is far more artfully shot than the original's.

They don't go quite all the way with the joke, though - a trope among Room fans to exaggerate the extent to which Juliette Danielle's Lisa had a little baby fat, and rather than actually cast a plus-sized porn actor to own the fat jokes, director Lee Roy Myers went way skinnier. It was probably in his best interest commercially, but this Lisa could use the extra carbs and pizza.

On the plus side, the parody's only a little more than half an hour long.