Our First PODCAST! Listen to the Pilot of "Topless Robot LIVE!" Right Now

Friday, January 30, 2015 at 1:30 pm


I have been wanting to do this for two years now, and it finally happened. I'm a relative noob to the world of podcasting - though I've appeared on a few - and this our first test episode. There will be more.

If you have questions or comments you'd like addressed in the next episode, leave them below. Depending on volume, we'll answer some or all. Also, if you or a client of yours works in entertainment, toys, comics, science or any of our other areas of coverage and would like to be on the show, shoot an email to toplessrobot at gmail with subject line "TopBotCast."

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A UK Gallery Made a Giant Ball Pit for Adults, and the Jokes Just Write Themselves

Thursday, January 29, 2015 at 12:00 pm

Pearlfisher Gallery

These women have balls all over their bodies. They're total ball-divers. Kickin' it in the balls. Enjoying an experience that busted many ball sacks. Balls.

Oh, but it gets better. The place this ball pit is located is called the Pearlfisher Gallery. So the balls are basically giving them Pearlfisher necklaces. Being a real Pearlfisher means going balls-deep. It's no wonder this place is so popular that it's by appointment only: you have to make it hard to enjoy the full effect of the Pearlfisher's immersion in balls.

There is also a bar in the gallery. I really hope they serve warm nuts.

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Weekstarter: Apocalypse Ponies, Cyborg Biker and 18 Other Things You Need to See Today

Monday, January 26, 2015 at 5:00 am

Tenacious Toys

Apocalypse ponies! Batmobile stroller! The ferocious frilled shark! Choosing your own adventure on Twitter!

These and 16 more items you may have missed over the weekend are here to start your morning out right.

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Topless Robot Visits a Sex Dungeon

Thursday, January 22, 2015 at 9:00 am


In the unusual Japanese film (but I repeat myself) R100, which opens tomorrow in theaters and on-demand and you should see, a man signs himself up for a dominatrix service that operates like Kato in the Pink Panther movies, in that he can be attacked and forced to submit at any time. When the incursions become ever more threatening, and he tries to back out, he cannot - the fear that the line of safety will be crossed is not just part of the fetish, but it still turns him on even as it endangers his son.

Later in the film, we realize we're watching a film within a film - the final work of a senile, 100 year-old director whose personal fetish is to force us to watch his weird fantasies onscreen, much to the befuddlement of the executives who've greenlit it. Naturally, to promote this film, Drafthouse Films decided I should come and visit a professional dominatrix's dungeon, though I was forbidden from revealing the location - I'll say only that the surrounding neighborhood felt calm and suburban and the residents would probably be extremely surprised if they knew.

I could tell you more, but fuck it...you want to SEE some stuff, right? Like me suffering the appropriate punishment for liking a Michael Bay movie? Come in....

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The 14 Nerdy Things We Most Look Forward to in 2015

Thursday, January 22, 2015 at 4:00 am


2014 ended three weeks ago, but our wrap-ups of 2014's best and worst ended yesterday. It's fair to say we consumed a lot of entertainment, enjoyed many things and had almost as much fun vocally destroying the things we didn't like so much. And as I hope was evident, not every Topless Robot contributor had the same ideas about what those things were.

Which is why, as we look to the year ahead, I've gathered together as many of our regular contributors as possible for this list, in which they all describe what they're geeked out about for 2015. From board games to RPGs, action figures to adaptations - and in one case, even the rumors we long to hear - it's a varied, insightful and excitable sneak peek.

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Ask Luke's Mother-in-Law: Cops, College and Snoring

Thursday, January 15, 2015 at 6:30 am


In which ex-cop/crazy cat lady/mom-in-law Martha Boyd answers your questions from the coziness of the Joshua Tree desert. All questions and answers are real.

Hi all. It has been busy since we last chatted. Thursday night I went to my first Citizen Patrol meeting. It was mostly to get to meet people and get the next part of the process going. I also got formally interviewed. Had both of the deputies laughing so I think it went well - I told them the story of when I first went out on patrol and we were wearing skirts and heels in the field, and how much "back up" we got when it came to going over walls (dirty minds click in here). These guys were too young to have ever witnessed this event. So, anyway, I took the next part of the paperwork home and turned it back in on Friday morning.

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We Tried Reader-Created Nerdy Cocktails...and Have a Winner!

Wednesday, January 7, 2015 at 3:30 pm


To win some Star Wars figures, I asked you all to submit New Year's nerdy cocktail ideas...ones that had to be actually drinkable. Not all of you followed that guideline.

But from those who did, I culled eleven of the best...and made them. Then a panel which included TR contributors Julia Thompson, Brian Hanson, Fred Topel, Bryce Abood and others tried them.

And I'm not just going to tell you who won. I'm going to make you watch the video so you can see our insta-reactions. If you want to be reminded of what's actually in the drinks, here's a link to the old comment thread.

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Weekend Open Thread - Duckface!

Friday, January 2, 2015 at 4:54 pm

Thumbnail image for howard_duckface.jpg

One of the pluses to my new, earlier schedule - the weekend starts sooner. So far so good - as long as I can keep hauling my ass out of bed to meet the morning, this timetable is looking good.

No Weekstarter post Monday, as we have a lot of best of year stuff to get through, including (finally) my Best Nerd Movies list, which will probably not look quite like you might expect.

Now...Talk amongst yourselves!

New Year's Resolution Open Thread

Wednesday, December 31, 2014 at 2:00 pm


Realistically, unless somebody famous dies or does something stupid, not much else is going to happen tonight, and you are most likely going to be otherwise preoccupied and not reading by now anyway.

But if you are...here's a space to post any last-minute 2014 thoughts, regrets or Manicorn gifs. I resolve in 2015 to post earlier as I have been these past couple of days, in search of a better, more reliable routine that will get you the stuff you wanna know about it quicker than ever before. We're gonna make this community grow, y'all.

Happy New Year. It's midnight somewhere.

How to Do Parkour, Step 1: Become an Animated Paper Cutout

Wednesday, December 31, 2014 at 9:34 am


YouTube humorist/filmmaker Ryan Higa often focuses on the discrepancies between popular perception and reality, as in his fake Aquaman movie trailer, or Honest University Commercial. His latest is a more sincere flight of fantasy - rather than deconstructing movie-style Parkour, he creates an animated photo cut-out of himself to actually achieve that which he himself is insufficiently athletic to achieve.

The bit where he enters a disc drive and does parkour in his own computer desktop is seriously some inspired stuff. I don't even have a joke for it, except maybe to say that if Buster Keaton were alive today, and he didn't collapse in a sobbing heap upon seeing what the world has become, and he could understand computers in a way that no grandpa from his generation ever has before, and somehow each reference could be explained to him in a coherent fashion despite his being a century-old dead guy, I imagine he might say something like "Decent job, Ryan."

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