Topless Robot

Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Brick

Fri, 19 Mar 2010 10:33:28 -0500

Dammit, this opening cinematic to Lego's Harry Potter Years 1-4 game isn't very clever nor particularly funny. And yet, such is my good will to all the Lego franchise games that I can't help but post it, and furthermore, be kind of excited about despite the fact that I don't really give a shit about Harry Potter. I mean, if it's even half as fun as Lego Star Wars and Lego Batman, that's a hell of a lot of fun, and well worth $40.

Speaking of my obvious withdrawal for some kind of videogaming fun, expect my Final Fantasy XIII review on Monday.

The New Doctor Doesn't Know How to Work the TARDIS

Fri, 19 Mar 2010 09:51:06 -0500

I kid, I kid. It's not like the Tenth Doctor didn't have his share of TARDIS mishaps, and this doesn't seem nearly so unreasonable as getting hit by a Space Titanic. At any rate, here's the first actual clip from the first episode of Doctor Who starring Matt Smith as the Doctor, trying to fix his TARDIS and chatting with a young future companion Amy Pond. Overall, the short clip isn't blowing my mind with awesomeness, but neither does it make me worried. Of course, it is very short.

I tell you what does make me excited, though -- Steven Moffat. As those who follow me on Twitter know, I finally caught Moffat's Jekyll series earlier this week and was just blown away. It was like a mini-Lost, full of suspense and mysteries and awesome moments and a great dual performance by James Nesbitt. It went off the rails a bit at the end, but that's certainly something I'm used to with Doctor Who, so now I'm really looking forward to this new season.

Those Predatoring Predators Are Lookin' Good

Fri, 19 Mar 2010 09:04:20 -0500

See? The first official trailer for Predators is out, and I love it. Think it looks great, although I'm still nervous about Topher Grace's wormy dude and why he's there in a ship full of criminal badasses. My hope is that Grace is playing the Goddamn Sexual Tyrannosaurus, in which case everything will be fine.

The 10 Best Stories in the Star Wars Expanded Universe

Fri, 19 Mar 2010 07:57:41 -0500

Since 1977, George Lucas licensed companies like Del-Rey, Marvel, Dark Horse, and Bantam Publishing to sell you paper with the words "Star Wars" somewhere on the cover. He's also allowed several companies to make videogames with "Star Wars" on the title screen, and then created LucasArts to churn them out more efficiently. And it was only a year later that the first Star Wars cartoon came out, although they got significantly better after 2002. In all of these, we've seen epic tales of bravery, joke stories about the droids, and some truly wonderful little tales that, for one reason or another, you might have missed (shame on you). The good news is that there's a lot of badassery there, and in this age of trade paperbacks and DVD sets, you can catch pretty much all of the best ones. For the purposes of the article, we're sticking to the eras of the movies; surely you can find other nerds who can direct you to Kinghts of the Old Republic if you're looking for a Star Wars adventure minus anyone from the movies. This way, we get to show more really awesome stories about Boba Fett.

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Dignity, I Choose You

Thu, 18 Mar 2010 17:00:37 -0500

Pokémon Cosplayers sent out DIGNITY!
DIGNITY is confused!
Enemy Non-Nerd Bystanders used DISDAINFUL GLARE!
DIGNITY fainted!
Thanks to Mega Friday for the tip.

The Commodore 64 Returns

Thu, 18 Mar 2010 15:57:14 -0500

No -- really. As a series of keyboard computers, even. Let me let Engadget give you the details.

As President and CEO of the newly minted Commodore USA, [Barry Altman]'s spent the better part of a year crawling through the arcane red tape necessary to get the rights to the Commodore name. And now? With any luck, later this year the company's monumental advertising campaign will have had its effect ("something like you've never seen in your life," as Altman described it to us on the phone this afternoon) and you'll be able to have your very own keyboard computer with the Commodore logo slapped on for good measure. Presumably based on the Cybernet ZPC-GX31, the exact configurations and pricing will all be spelled out soon enough.

The most advanced computer in my home until the day I left for college was an Atari 7800, so I'm not one of the nerds losing their shit over this. However, I know many, many people who still speak of the Commodore 64 with reverence, plus, I had two friends in grade school specifically on the basis of them owning Commodore 64s. So, to you who are shrieking with delight, pop the champagne, crack open a beer, whatever -- this is worth celebrating. And thanks to Kelly S. for the tip.

Ian McKellen Can't Kick the Hobbit

Thu, 18 Mar 2010 14:59:45 -0500

Note: The real news is that Sir Ian McKellen has announced on his website (really, mentioned, but every nerd site everywhere is reporting it so it might has well have been a press release) that The Hobbit will start filming in New Zealand in July, and will take a year to film the two planned movies. However, since director Guillermo del Toro and producer Peter Jackson have yet to select/announce a young Bilbo, I wonder if this production date is wishful thinking on someone's part.

Really, it doesn't matter. I just wanted to be able to use the horrible headline "Ian McKellen Can't Kick The Hobbit," so that everyone who uses it after -- AND THEY WILL -- will have to bow down before me and hideous pun mastery. And so I have.

Geek Apparel of the Week: Extreme Terrestrial

Thu, 18 Mar 2010 14:00:21 -0500

I have to admit that this shirt made me laugh out loud when I saw it. I think this is probably because I hate E.T., and the idea of Eliot doing a wicked flip on his Huffy and E.T. falling out to his death (or at least extreme discomfort) makes me really, really happy. Writing Topless Robot has a lot of perks, and learning that other people had my childhood fear of E.T. and subsequent hatred of the movie is certainly one of them. So guys? This shirt's for you. It's $14 over at Teextile.

To Boldly Go Where No Microbe Has Gone Before

Thu, 18 Mar 2010 12:00:35 -0500

From Trek Today:

In what certainly has to be the smallest scale ever for a science-fiction ship model, two scientists have constructed the USS Enterprise in a one-billionth scale. The scale model of the Enterprise is so tiny, that it can only be seen by an electron microscope.
Scientists Takayuki Hoshino and Shinji Matsui of the Himeji Institute of Technology, located in Japan, used a focused ion beam to cut out the model, using a process called chemical vapor deposition (CVD). The CVD process used phenanthrene gas to etch the tiny 8.8 micrometer USS Enterprise

Fun fact: If you thought anything even slightly like "Sure it's a 1:1,000,000,000-scale, but it's kind of a shitty 1:1,000,000,000-scale Enterprise" upon seeing this, you are a huge, huge nerd. Thanks to everyone who sent me the tip.

Dammit Bryan Singer It's Not All About You

Thu, 18 Mar 2010 11:19:09 -0500

Bryan Singer, director of the two good X-Men movies, is now officially signed on to direct the X-Men prequel First Class. All well and good, right? Wrong. Because -- you know, all I have to do is repeat the article title of the LA Times' recent interview with him:

Bryan Singer on 'X-Men: First Class': It's got to be about Magneto and Professor X

NO. NO IT DOES NOT, SINGER. The whole point of the fucking movie is that it's about the formation of the X-Men, their early days. There's no absolute need to have Magneto involved at all. Plus, it might be noted, that MAGNETO'S BEEN THE BAD GUY IN ALL THREE X-MEN MOVIES, INCLUDING THE TWO YOU'VE ALREADY DONE. We've seen Magneto. We know his deal. I think I speak for most nerds when I say PICK SOMEONE ELSE. It's not like the X-Men are hurting for enemies here. Apocalypse, Mr. Sinister, the Hellfire Club... hell, I'll take Mojo at this point. Just something new, please.

What happened in-between X2 and Superman Returns that made what Bryan Singer wants a movie to be about different from what audiences want a movie to be about? Did he mutate? Was kryptonite involved?

Bill Paxton: The Pinball Game

Thu, 18 Mar 2010 10:27:22 -0500

I believe the phrase you're looking for is "OH MY GOD IT'S FULL OF PAXTON." Ben Heckendorn made the above, fully functional masterpiece based on the works of Bill Paxton, including everything from Aliens to Big Love. It took him five years and he built almost everything from scratch, and programmed the damn thing. Also, it is a PINBALL MACHINE BASED ON BILL FUCKING PAXTON. I CANNOT FUCKING BELIEVE IT. Please, please, go to Ben's site to see videos of the game in action, more pictures of the machine, and even how you can make one yourself if you really, really love Bill Paxton. Or, possibly, are Bill Paxton. (Via Kotaku)

What the What? Another Star Wars Cartoon?

Thu, 18 Mar 2010 09:45:43 -0500

Okay, let me be clear here -- this is a rumor, a rumor being announced by one site. So I don't think we need to freak out in bliss or anger or anything yet. However, since I know I'd get a jillion emails if I didn't report it, here it is anyways: IESB says that they have exclusive information that Lucasfilm is working on a new Star Wars cartoon for Cartoon Network, this is one to be based on Hasbro's lil'-kid friendly Galactic Heroes toyline. Of course, they also say the cartoon will be called "Squishies," which sounds not all like Star Wars or Galactic Heroes or anything not awful.

The horrible title aside, the only reason I'm running this rumor is because it is very plausible. Marvel's Super Hero Squad show seems to be doing fine, and I don't know why a Star Wars one wouldn't. What I wonder is if it would be set in the prequels, or the original trilogy. I assume the former, but if it were the latter, I'd probably impregnate Ms. Robot immediately, just so I could have a child and an excuse to watch. Anyways, take this news with a massive boulder of salt, and assume even if it does get made it'll be about lil' Anakin and Ahsoka and more Clone Wars. There's way too much awesomeness that would have to be achieved for anything else to happen.

The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Learn a Valuable Lesson

Thu, 18 Mar 2010 08:59:15 -0500

Mainly, that Splinter probably gave them their weapons to do things other than cause environmental damage which momentarily incapacitates the bad guys. I mean, a giant rat hands you two katana, I doubt he's planning on you using them to cut pizza and fling the slices into the faces of your opponents. They're swords, man. They're really sharp for a reason.

6 Undeniable Similarities Between Nerds and Sports Fans

Thu, 18 Mar 2010 08:06:28 -0500

Let's be honest gang, much as the 12-year old-versions of ourselves who got stuffed into lockers by guys in letterman jackets might hate to admit it, there aren't that many differences between comic book/sci-fi fans (from here on known as nerds) and sports fans. Plus, if you think about it, it's not the jocks who can tell you that former Detroit Tiger Ty Cobb held the record for most stolen bases at 892 until 1977 when Billy Hamilton came along and broke that record, but the guys who watched all the games at home or played team manager for the school team. Heck, some of us collectors even got our start with sports trading cards before moving on to those rad Marvel Super Heroes cards and eventually comics. So, with that in mind, we'd like to not only bring people together, but also make insulting broad generalizations about both by looking at the six ways nerds and sports fans are alike in increasing levels of obsessive nerdiness.

Daily List suggested by Guphynda. ]]> Continue reading "6 Undeniable Similarities Between Nerds and Sports Fans" >

Cylons Are Pedophiles

Wed, 17 Mar 2010 17:00:15 -0500

Look, I understand this troubled little girl is actually leading them on, what with her come-hither looks, her gallivanting about, singing about how she wants a "Robot Man" and her lingering -- and wholly inappropriate -- kisses. But robots are not supposed to act upon these things. It's a good thing Chris Hansen had a shitty original Starbuck costume, or this little lady would be in real trouble. Thanks to Baltin for the tip.