Kneel Before This New 22-Inch Alien Figure, as It Kneels for You

Friday, April 3, 2015 at 12:52 pm

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I have NECA's first 22-inch Alien figure on my shelf. It's great. It looks just like I remember the xenomorph looking. I didn't think there'd be a need for another.

So now, they're all like, "Yeah, but can that one you have crouch? Can it fold its arms? Can it get on tippy-toes? Does it strike badass poses on all fours? Hell no, it can't! We made it, so we know! But check this shizz out!"

And I'm all, like, "Dammit NECA, don't make me keep giving you my money." It never fails.

In five years, when they figure out a way to make one that literally sprays acid, this will happen all over again.

You WILL WORSHIP The Stan Lee 12" Figure by Go Hero

Friday, April 3, 2015 at 8:00 am

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THIS is a HISTORICAL DAY.

You will BOW DOWN.

For the low, LOW price of $249.99, you NOW have the chance - LEGALLY - to possess a 12-inch replica of STAN LEE, my "HEROE" AND "ROLL-MODELLE."

Did you EVER think you'd get to OWN him with his SEXY BEARD from younger DAYS? NO. You did NOT. TRUE BELIEVERS, THIS IS YOUR TIME.

You can either preorder him now, EXCELSI-or buy him when he shows up in stores. But your local stores ARE NOT COOL ENOUGH. They probably LIKE LYT. And HATE MY ART. PHILISTINES.

This figure's BOWEL MOVEMENTS will surpass my own. Which DO NOT EXIST. LOL.

via Hollywood Reporter

A Play-Doh Movie Is Happening, Because Fuck You.

Thursday, April 2, 2015 at 6:54 pm

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I think April Fool's should just give it up as a holiday. None of yesterday's hoaxes were this goddamn stupid.

Before you start writing a catty comment about how Play-Doh isn't a movie and Hollywood has run out of ideas, remember it's the same one you wrote when Warner Bros began planning movies based on LEGO.
No. NO. Fuck you for saying that. Lego had branded video games and a Ninjago cartoon that evinced a particular family friendly, irreverent sensibility that the movie delivered on, and ALL OF US who PAID FUCKING ATTENTION knew was part of the brand from the getgo in terms of the short films and entertainment they put out.

Did I miss some brilliant Play-Doh short or video game I'm not aware of? Seriously. Enlighten me if I did. Because all I know is that it's cheap, gross plasticine that stupid kids eat by accident. Aardman makes great movies out of plasticine, but they don't fucking call them The Plasticine Movie. Paul Feig being attached is just confusing - doesn't he have a Ghostbusters to finish, or, y'know, start?

Is it time for me to pitch Lincoln Logs, starring Kevin Costner as a big piece of wood? I think it is.

Star Trek Reaction Figures Wave 2 Include Gorn and Orion Slave Girl

Wednesday, April 1, 2015 at 9:45 am

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I had to do a double-take when I realized they didn't actually make Kirk in the first series. I can't imagine how William Shatner's ego took that one.

The Gorn translates quite nicely in this style, probably because it was a cheesy, simple costume to begin with. There's only so realistic you can get on toys of some of the old outfits before you start recreating seams and zippers.

And yes, these are real. So if your Jabba the Hutt ever gets bored of Slave Leia, he can now switch out for Slave Vina.

Good News: There's a Jupiter Ascending Toy! Bad News: It's From Tonner

Wednesday, April 1, 2015 at 8:00 am

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Even if it is too little, too late, I'm all for Jupiter Ascending merchandise after the fact, since at least I'll feel slightly more vindicated for liking it than I did John Carter and The Lone Ranger if people actually buy this stuff.

But oh, how I wish Tonner dolls were not the company that chose to execute the rights. I get it - the perception is that the movie resonated mainly with girls and women, so you go with a girly toy company. But do dolls for girls have to look like zombiefied, plastic-surgeried-and-wax-drowned versions of the characters, rather than the actual actors?

I don't believe so. But Tonner seems intent on proving me wrong. And they're betting $240 per doll on it.

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The Cutest Li'l Ryu Figure Yells and Throws Illuminated Fireballs at You

Tuesday, March 31, 2015 at 1:00 pm

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Take the early 2000s McFarlane style of diorama figure, make it super-cute and Japanese, and you'd have BigBoysToys' Street Fighter II diorama figures. The first, Ryu, features a light up fireball and sound effects, as well as a signpost you can place anywhere you'd like; Ken will come with flaming dragon punch effect, and they've been soliciting audience feedback on whether Guile should have a Sonic Boom or Flash Kick.

Eight are planned - presumably the original eight SFII non-boss characters (which sadly means no Bison, on Tuesday or otherwise). And each one runs around $90, which is about what you'd expect from import market prices nowadays.

Once you see and hear it, you may be swayed...

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First Tease of Terminator: Genisys Action Figure Reveals...Leather

Tuesday, March 31, 2015 at 11:32 am

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NECA

No, that's not a mean joke about Arnold's skin. How dare you think that?

I don't suppose there's a lot that's surprising here - once again, the Terminator wears black leather, which always seems to be the first clothing he finds after time travel. NECA's sculpt reflects that fact, and not much else so far. I'm guessing that what'll make the figure pop are his weapons and a (presumably) battle-damaged headsculpt.

I'm honestly more interested to see Mattel's inevitably hilarious attempt to make a Triple H Terminator. Jakks actually did an exclusive glow-in-the-dark Terminator Steve Austin back in the day that was fun. I owned it at one point.

Funko Gives All of Sesame Street a Black Eye (or Two), Except Cookie Monster

Tuesday, March 31, 2015 at 9:40 am

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Now the other puppets really will be professionally jealous.

Funko's Pop Vinyl has a signature feature of black dots for eyes - it's part of the stylization that allows them to get around the fact that they don't always have actor likeness rights. But Cookie Monster, apparently, is special - he gets to keep his regular "crazy eyes."

I think the blue guy's letting fame go to his head, with all the SNL petitions and Star Wars skits and such. Next thing you know, he'll be demanding cookies that contain only brown M&Ms baked in.

Square Enix Delivers Star Wars Figures on Steroids With Their Take on Boba Fett and Stormtroopers

Monday, March 30, 2015 at 9:48 am

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"Make one more joke about how I can't hit you, motherfucker. I DARE you."

When it comes to their toy redesigns, Square Enix is like an impersonation of '90s Image comics by a Japanese animator on hallucinogens. DC has given them relatively free reign to redesign their characters over the years, but I never thought Star Wars would allow them quite so much leeway.

A jazzed-up Darth Vader had been previously shown, but Vader was already a badass - the perennial cannon-fodder troops and the awkward jet-packer who got killed by a blind guy could use the extra-frightening armor and arsenal, however.

Check out Boba below...

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Weekend Open Thread: Dennis Rodman Wedding Dress Edition

Friday, March 27, 2015 at 6:48 pm

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The toy that comes with all kinds of accessories, except for a replica Kim Jong Un ass he can practice kissing.

After the jump, our Catwoman/Robin contest winner. Because of how it ended up breaking down, I WILL be placing a limit on number of entries next time, if only to focus your own efforts on quality over quantity.

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